To wonder if anyone else struggles to know what to do with their child in the house?

[Notreallylookingforadvice]

As the username suggests I’m not exactly looking for advice on this but I really struggle, always have. Ds is now 3 and I don’t know how to play with him at all. Whenever he’s in the house the TV is inevitably on for him.

Being outside can be easier sometimes but there's lots to do at home. But don't want to suggest if you're not looking for advice. A lot of 3 year olds are capable of playing by themselves for a bit. Mine also just likes to follow me around and talk to me/ 'help' with whatever I'm doing

setting up elaborate brio train sets was a winner for us at 3

Going outside and Brio train sets are a good shout - we also had a wooden fort with soldiers thing, plastic animals and dinosaurs and building blocks that my DS played a long time with. When they are young enough you can get them to compete with themselves eg how quickly can to run round touching the tree or whatever with a timer or finding things - simple treasure hunts in the house. I used to do "we're going on a bear hunt" in the garden, going through different sections and ending with a picnic that they had in their backpacks (obviously not at this time of year!) which mine loved and our garden isn't massive. I used to play simple games with them as well. I got them from our Post Office. It was nice to do things with them but not endlessly. Drawing or colouring kept them occupied but they weren't that keen on colouring in books or their blackboard.

I know stuff other people do but somehow never get up the motivation or inclination to do it. It isn’t the parent I thought I would be.

I’m not great in the house either. This morning we’ve made breakfast together, eaten breakfast, watched some tv, come upstairs and gotten dressed, DD played in a basket for a while pretending it was a boat, then changed the sheets (played “hiding from the dragon”, bounced on the bed and now she’s pretending to sleep). We’ll be heading out soon as we’ll both get bored here soon.

Ah I see. You sound a bit down, or like you’re questioning your parenting.

I don’t think knowing what to do comes ‘naturally’ to anyone, but who cares - it wouldn’t matter if it did. People just learn to provide activities that their kids will like for a bit, before they move on to their next phase.

I usually find that the easiest way is to encourage DC towards things that I enjoy myself. E.g. I like reading, board games, going for walks, so I do all these things with DC (obviously in a modified way to suit age, but it still means I'm doing something I find inherently enjoyable and hopefully investing some time in steering DC towards activities that will become more and more pleasurable to share as they get older). I'm not particularly artsy or crafty so craft projects are more occasional. And (like most parents?) I don't enjoy pretend play, so that is limited. As PP said, having DC around in the background playing, pottering, chatting and "helping" while I get on with things can be nice too. Having friends over with similarly aged children is also good as they get older - especially if you encourage them to go off and play while you chat to the other grown ups!

Following for ideas. DS is 5 and I really struggle with this. I'm autistic and play doesn't come naturally to me but I want to be a better Mum

I was disappointed to find that I don’t really enjoy playing which surprised me: I love taking them out places and being with them but playing is hard work. I do more craft type things with mine.

Maybe shift the focus for a bit so you get on with your day and do what you need to do and your child will fit in eg might help with stuff or wander off and play with their toys. I read somewhere that these days families can be child focused but it didn't used to be that way.

I just let my three year old potter about and play with her toys. I don't really need to "do" anything with her except be available now and then to be roped into her games.

The problem is we don’t have any toys that really work. They all end up trashed. I’ve pretty much given up.

I am posting because I started the new year determined to actually make more effort with things like jigsaws and colouring but nope. Maybe it’s just not me.

I used to be quite strict with myself to stop sliding into bad habits.
No TV before lunch ever.
TV after lunch in what used to be 'nap time', then none until after 4 or something.

I had sheet of paper sectioned off to areas (reading, fine motor, gross motor, imaginative, STEM etc) and ideas under each area that I had gleaned from places. Then I could roughly plan things. I'm not spontaneous.

TV by default when in the house isn't a great idea really.

My mum, who is generally lovely and supportive, was of the generation of "get out from under my feet and go off and play somewhere" which I found upsetting as a child in the 70s. Basically I compared myself to a schoolfriend whose mum did arty stuff with her and my best friend who would cook with her mum. I did things with my dad at weekends, like kite flying, rowing on rivers or playing games. Even if we went for a day out anywhere she wouldn't take part in any activities. Other than watching TV as a teenager my mum and I did f*ck all together. I used to resent it but now I just find it a bit sad. I have lots of lovely memories of my dad, but it almost feels like mum wasn't actually there for a lot of my childhood (even though I know she was).

3 is an age when you can have time together and you see their personality. When they go to school time there is much less time. I know it's knackering and can be mind-numbingly boring - been there got the tshirt. Also have an ADHD DS. I used to roll my eyes a bit being told to enjoy them as time goes so quickly but it's so true. I have two lovely adult DC but there are times when I would love some of that 'special' time back.

To be honest it is hard but considering the weather, the cost etc. sometimes you have to keep kids indoors. I usually find adding some structure to the day helps, I also have a 3 year old. So colouring time, then hide and seek, jigsaw puzzles, then a snack. Then painting, free play with whatever the child is interested in and you get the idea. You can also have half an hour tv time.

Little figures and play a story with them? So set up a little area and all the toy figures go on an adventure or even just playing house?

We had TV time too probably every day but just not on a lot. No other devices back then!

I think it’s because it feels relentless. Knowing that even if you muster up the energy to set something up today, you’re likely to need to do more of the same tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that…I also think there’s a lot of pressure these days to entertain and educate, so it feels even more pertinent to do these things, which just adds to sucking the joy out of it. This is all compounded by the near enough solitary way in which we parent today.

You have my full sympathy

What do you enjoy doing ? Engage him in that , cooking ,even just rice crispy cakes will be good . Buy little cakes from the supermarket if you’re not up for making them , and let him ice them . Kids love cleaning , let him hover or wash up his toys ? If in doubt put in the bath , bath crayons ? Use old duplo with those magnetic tiles ( game changer that they fit together!) and build a run for cars . Use masking tape and mark a carpark and road . Get a light that makes a disco ball effect and turn lights off and dance . Plant cress in eggshells, draw face and wait for hair to grow . The hardest bit OP is starting . Sending a hug . O and library. Is also a big winner , they often have stories and toys as well as books x

We had the TV on a lot when my 2 were little. It didn't seem to do them any harm - both were early talkers, DD taught herself to read before she started school, and both now at uni having had great exam results.
It helped relieve my boredom!
We always tried to go out somewhere each morning - a walk, the park, the library, a toddler group, shopping etc. The afternoons I tried to concentrate on crafts, playing, puzzles, reading, Lego etc. In the summer we were out in the garden too.
Both stopped naps entirely by 18 months so there were a lot of hours to fill!

Oh, we do do stuff, just not in the house much at all.

So casting my mind over last week we

Monday- went to a national trust place. It wasn’t all day and I will admit a fair amount of tv featured.

Tuesday, weather abysmal, went to rhyme time at a library then tv afternoon.

Weds and Thursdays nursery.

Friday went for a day out to a national park nature trail

Saturday swimming then went to visit grandparents

Sunday feeding ducks, park etc

So he does do things - just that the ‘in between’ times it’s TV. Not great I agree.

Join a toy library. Does your local library offer one?
A new toy each week.
A walk to the library - joining in with story time
Reading books at home.
Having a craft table set up is a good idea.
Keeping strong old boxes and drawing on them with crayons
Keeping available a tub of Duplo and wooden blocks.
A radio or CD for incidental music (and news and talk back discussions)... dancing, singing.
Using sheets, blankets, chairs and boxes around the kitchen table makes a great fort/cubby for hours and doesn't break.
Keep fun hats, cloaks, masks, old dresses etc in a dress up box.
Grow herbs etc. in tubs like mint and crunchy alfalfa or bean sprouts
Starting a brio train set or another quality toy, like lego, is great for present ideas.

These ideas don't break and child can play by themselves.

Playdough is my go to on rainy days. I make my own because it's so easy - I use 2 cups flour, 2 cups table salt, 2 tablespoons oil, 4 teaspoons Cream of Tartar and 2 cups boiling water. Keeps for a while in a sealed box/bag.

To keep mess to a minimum, get them to sit at a small table (not on a carpet!) if you've got one and don't let them wander around with it or you'll find bits in strange places!

Board games (those ones from Orchard Toys) really helped me when playing with my son. I'm autistic and find role play games like my son likes to play with his Brio quite hard (though my husband is a master at them). Son is three and is now quite taken with games involving dice and turn taking and tokens. Play-Doh and building towers out of wooden blocks or animals out of Duplo is also a hit with him. Other things we do inside include playing catch or skittles, sometimes colouring but he's not really into that at the moment.

I'll also get him to help me with the chores like loading the washing machine or handing me vegetables whilst I'm peeling etc.

Everyone is giving advice 😂

I am not sure how to break this habit. Everything I see listed above I wince at the mess which is completely disproportionate to how long it entertained him. Playdough for instance, I am constantly finding out of its tub.PITA.