To wonder if anyone else struggles to know what to do with their child in the house?

[Notreallylookingforadvice]

As the username suggests I’m not exactly looking for advice on this but I really struggle, always have. Ds is now 3 and I don’t know how to play with him at all. Whenever he’s in the house the TV is inevitably on for him.

I do find the mess and effort of playing with toddlers at home exhausting (like you I’d much rather take them out).
However, I have found that the hardest bit was teaching my toddlers how to use things properly and not to just make a mess. Once they understand how to do activities it gets a lot less messy very quickly. Especially once they understand the expectations about putting things away once they’re finished and before getting something else out.
E.g. they now know that they need to sit at the little table to do art/playdoh/games with little pieces. They’re not perfect but it does mean that we don’t end up with paint and glue everywhere.
Getting to this point does take a bit of time, effort and patience but it’s made it a lot easier and more relaxing/rewarding to play with them in the long term.
I’ve found that the first few times they play with a new toy I need to be quite involved to show them how it works and give suggestions for how to use it. However, after that they tend to play with it fairly independently and use their own imaginations to expand on what I’ve shown them.

We also have a big play mat and play table which we use to keep things contained. I find that they tend to keep things on the play table rather than wandering around with them. I also try to keep them in one room when they’re playing so at least all the bits stay in one area.
We try to only get one box of toys out at a time, e.g. if we have the wooden animals and farm out then the brio and Duplo boxes are put away.

Mine are older now and had each other to play with. I always found the bath the best entertainment. They had foam letters, crayons etc there and cups that they kept filling up. Teaches all sorts of things.
Toys are a lot of hassle. Pots and pans and kitchen and wooden utensils are just as good. One of my DS spent a whole winter with a pile of chestnuts and putting them in various pans.
These days you have a ton of educational apps where they can colour swipe. Not all screen time is bad. I would also suggest rather than TV have an audio story on. So they play and listen at the same time. Also rhymes/songs etc.

Stickers/hama beads a little later/threading toys are really good for fine motor skills. You may just have a DS who currently is developing more gross motor skills with you. If nursery is doing the rest, I would not be worried. Maybe ask them what they think about his fine motor skills. It is true they start school early and need to sit (also requires muscles )and hold a pencil. One of mine could do beautiful cursive writing but kept falling off a chair. She had amazing fine motor skills because she always sat and played nicely and did puzzles but did not like running around. So both types of skills are important.

Don't be silly. You know what I mean - they work for girls too (I have 1 of each) I'm just saying FROM MY EXPERIENCE my boy likes these toys. I'm not saying ALL boys like these toys and ONLY boys can play with these. Get over yourself.

We had the same problem with storage. We have an IKEA kallax and I had bought loads of pretty baskets in the past but it was just not working. Kids couldn't see what we had, everything was jumbled together, pieces always missing and kids were bored because they thought they didn't have any toys 🤦‍♀️ In the end we bought another kallax to stack on top and a bunch of IKEA Samla boxes, with some shelf inserts for the half-size boxes. It's absolutely brilliant, wish I'd done it sooner. The kids can see what they have, tidy up is super easy because every category of toy has its own box, and there's finally enough space so it's neat and tidy which appeals to me. With chalkboard stickers on each box, it looks like an early years playroom which I'm so pleased about haha. Definitely look into it, it took an entire weekend of tidying but it's changed how I felt about the jumble of toys.

Pic isn't mine but shows the idea

I don't play. My dc entertained themselves or helped me around the house.
They did crafts most days, nursery style. Apron on, at their little table and chairs. I put an old duvet cover down, it's thick enough to protect floors and can be shook out and shoved in the wash when they're done. Everything is put back into the box it came from before they leave the table.

😂 yeah, poor attempt at backtracking, is what that is.

It's not though - it's you finding a reason to be offended which happens all to often these days. If you've got nothing helpful to add then stop nitpicking. Silly behaviour thats all it is.

Thanks. I agree toy rotation is a good idea. It’s finding the time to do it and where to put it while we have different toys out. I did actually make decent headway last week in sorting the toys but there’s still work to be done.

The problem is we don’t do anything like colouring and I agree we really should. I’ll try to do that with him as understandably he gets bored.

Re sofa cushions - I guess I just don’t see the point to it. I don’t think it sounds fun and I don’t think Ds would hugely enjoy or see the point of it. Then you have to put them all back. Yes it might only take a few minutes but I have to clear the lounge first so it’s not really . All in all that’s where the fuck it let’s go to the park cones in! I’d rather jump on an actual trampoline than trash my lounge I guess 😆

My mental

Thanks for this, I’ve spent hours looking for cute baskets/boxes for the Kallax I’m getting and will just get the Samla instead of trying so hard for no benefit!!

I’ve added, but without the gender stereotypes. They’re not nitpicking, they’re detrimental to girls and boys. But you do you.

@PollyPeep you described our house so well there I’m sure you’ve been here. Thanks for that, super helpful.

🙄 'you do you' tells me everything I need to know. Good day to you!

@onlyforeignerinthevillage

Get a grip. OP has a boy. I have a boy. I'm offering advice for non messy play.

All the boys the same age that I know are obsessed with cars in the same way that the girls are not. Some girls might enjoy it. Fine. I was one of them, very much a tomboy. But most toddler girls don't have the obsession over vehicles that little boys do.

This is a fact.

Buy a speed track for your girl if you want. No one cares one iota.

I think that’s a lot, nothing wrong with not doing much in between all these activities. I think you’re being very hard on yourself. I hated playing and didn’t do much of it.

I play with DGCs with play doh but I might have radio4 on or podcast so most of my mind ins on that. Make looooong snakes mostly that they make things with .
Boxes - cut a door in a box and it’s now a garage for the cars,shed for the cows. Bed for the doll, nice box for their cars/ saucepans etc.
But most games are 25 mins max -then hopefully they’ll wander off and amuse themselves for a bit.

Oh, you’re doing better than me OP.

DS is 16mo and the TV is on for hours a day.

He goes to nursery three days a week, and his grandma looks after him one day, so he gets a lot of stimulation then, but I’m shit at it. It’s been like this since he was a newborn.

Fortunately, he still seems to be a curious, adventurous, engaged, very happy, very loving little boy. He adores going out and going to nursery and always gets involved in everything.

So my apparent inability to play with him doesn’t seem to have negatively affected him, and neither has the TV.

Not saying it’s ok to have the TV on this much, just that… this is what I have done. And he doesn’t appear to have suffered yet.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re still making the effort to go out and entertain them. Some kids don’t even have that.

I tend to fill my day with going to classes because I’m rubbish at home. I inevitably end up on my laptop working or on my phone. I find being at home with my kids mind numbing and feel guilty for that also but it’s just not how I’m wired.

My kids do however, have amazing imaginations and the nursery and schools have all commented on it over the years. The secret- they’re allowed to get bored. People forget that actually boredom is just as important to a child’s development as being entertained is. Don’t beat yourself up.

One really good book that I really recommend though (and you don’t have to read it cover to cover to be able to implement it) is 5 minute mum. It’s literally a game changer!

I’m loving the strong reaction to my pointing out that gendered advice is ridiculous and unhelpful 🤷🏻‍♀️

my loves his dolls. His eyes were so wide when he first got them when he was younger. I showed how the doll had feet, hands, eyes etc like he does. He spends a while play ‘caring’ for them. Maybe try some dolls, OP. It’s also good for their social and emotional development and, depending on accessories the doll has, low on mess!!

Anyway, derailing over…

I hated the early years, I didn’t know how to interact with DS or what to do, I hated all the messy craft stuff, I struggled with the imagination required for playing with play mobile or brio, it all changed when he got to about six and we could converse.

TV was a main feature of his childhood.

He is now an adult and we are very close so while there were many faults with my parenting it wasn’t all terrible

I don’t think any of us are the parents we thought we would be. I struggle not to put the tv on too. If they are at nursery I’m sure they will be playing plenty. But don’t worry too much none of us are living up to our own expectations.

This is very true.

I 100% agree! Especially ‘no TV before lunch ever’.
We started the TV as a replacement for naps so I could still have the time to myself to tidy up/have a cup of coffee in peace.
But after an hour of so it was off until bedtime.

You have to be strict otherwise 1) you tend to let it slip (10 more mins and I’ll have another coffee…) and 2) the kids will ask for it non-stop which is really really annoying

I understand how you feel, op, it isn't always easy. It's a very long time since I had a three year old at home with me but we used to read together a lot, and write, do drawings, play with lego, sing a bit :). We would also go out if the weather was decent, nowhere special, just locally - shops and park. If I could incorporate a visit to a cafe, I did. I wanted mine to be introduced to eating out young and it worked. We also saw other people sometimes but if it was us doing the visiting, that always involved a journey as I knew nobody much where I lived at the time. Playgroup was one or two mornings a week, I also worked part-time, two days a week. It all worked out quite well, happy memories, and those days do not last long.

Feel your pain! Almost 3 year old DD, who I spend lots of time with colouring takes 3 minutes, playing with figures another 3, a story maybe 5
what to do for the rest of the day!!!!!!
iv recently just started involving her in everything I have to do as well so she does washing, cooking, cleaning inbetween fun stuff - she likes it!

I somewhat feel the same with my 3 yo. I find it easy and I enjoy playing with him at home on the rare occasions it’s just me and him. I don’t mind mess and toys being used not for their intended purpose.

I find it much easier out the house when I am trying to manage both him and his baby brother. I’m stretched to thinly when I am on my
own with both to get lost in play.