To tell 10 year old daughter the truth?

[TheGhostsOfMeAndYou]

My daughter's 10, she's due to start secondary school next year.

We haven't told her Father Christmas isn't real yet.

I think she knows really but she hasn't addressed it aloud to us.

I want to tell her as I don't want her going to secondary school and being picked on, or finding out from another child.

But how do I do it?

I feel so sad that another part of her childhood is over and I also worry that Christmas will loose that magical feeling.

Don't tell her that Father Chrismas isn't real, there is no need to do that!

My children are both early 20s and I still tell them that he's real. He's a symbol of optimism, kindness and magic, all of which we need more in the world! 😊

Most children aren't that stupid, she's probably known that FC isn't real for years and gone along with the fairy tale just in case the presents stop. I knew almost from the start of primary school. We never told our children, they just realise that it can't possibly be true. If they're nice they won't tell younger siblings, but I suspect that is usually how children find out.

Did any of us REALLY find discovering the truth about such childhood white lies traumatic?

i told my son this xmas he’s going to high school after the summer, he took it pretty well and loved helping be Santa on Xmas Eve by eating the cookie and carrot to keep the magic going for his wee sister.

This. I didn't have to be sat down and told. I twigged, at some point Mum & Dad realised I knew, but we all still carried on, and still do. Everyone has a stocking regardless of age or if you 'believe.'

In the summer holidays start planning what you will be doing / getting for Christmas and slip in ‘and what would you like me to get you as your Santa stocking present?’ That way you are confirming you both know but nothing will change.

I always just told my children that if they believed in Santa there would be presents under the tree from him at Christmas. If they didn’t then he wouldn’t send presents. It was their choice. Mine are now 29 and 27 he still sends them presents x That way if others ever questioned them about Santa they had a smart answer 😀

I've taught Y6 classes where no one believed anymore. I've taught classes where half of them did. Something weird happens between Y6 and 7 in their thought development that unless they have a global delay, they don't believe in Santa by the time they reach Y7. Leave it be.

Global delay?!

My 10 year old says she believes but I think deep down she doesn't. She asked when she was 9 and we just said not to question if you want to keep the magic alive.

@ThanksItHasPockets Global Development Delay - a disability resulting in someone acting and thinking younger than they are physically.

She admitted she knew the tooth fairy wasn't real about a year after she realised.

Yes, I’m familiar with the condition. I’m shocked that you would blithely declare that only a severely disabled child would have any belief in Santa from year 7.

Mine are 11&14 and we’ve never had the conversation. Both at high school now. We did have some bizzare conversations this year with eyes that suggested they did know but were playing along. The 11 year old insisted we leave the stop Santa sign out, hang the key and put the treats out on Christmas Eve. The eldest wasn’t into the elf this year as all I did was hide it and not the mischief. Youngest kept writing notes to the elf to complain! 😂😂

I didn't tell my son. He just knew.

I never addressed it, and by the time he was in high school, I didn't pretend anymore.

I told my kids thst if they didn’t believe in Santa anymore they’d not get a stocking….
we still go through an annual ritual of me asking if they believe in Santa, eye rolling, “yes mummy” in silly voices, before I hand them over.

theyre 27 and 29 🤷🏼‍♀️🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🥳

I love that stage when the “kids” start in on the act of the pretence and playing it back to mum and dad…traditions start to evolve and become your own rather odd family quirks that delight you!

She'll know, some kids just don't mention it in case it reduces the gift count 🤣

I told my daughter just before Christmas. For ages she was telling me that Santa isn’t real, but final straw was when she told me that kids in her class make a fun of her when she told that she believes in Santa. Next year she will go to secondary too. I give her book The big secret honest and whole true about Santa. She was little bit sad but still enjoyed Christmas and presents. I was more sad for taking magic out of her life.

DS has autism and he somehow got through primary school without realising. He's very literal and believes what he's told, and wouldn't pick up on conversations unless someone told him clearly xyz. I always thought he would just find out through normal channels, but he didn't....

I wondered if I should tell him before he started secondary, but didn't. Then Covid etc.

I eventually had to tell him him maybe late year 8 that the tooth fairy was actually me - he was gobsmacked. So I had to go on and explain about FC, it was the worst thing I've ever had to do and he was mortified, but there does come a point I think when you have to save them from themselves.......😊

DS was shocked but fine once he got over the surprise, and even laughed about being so gullible. I was amazed he hadn't found out earlier - but if your DD genuinely doesn't know then maybe now is a good time to come clean? (It's our fault for being so convincing when they were younger - I even said that FC travelling all over the world in one night wasn't magic because we all know there's no such thing, but it was some sort of science that we don't fully understand yet.....😂)

But isn't it lovely to have kept the 'magic' alive as long as we can.....?

Your 10 year old daughter still believes in Santa? What topics do you normally talk about?. Does she think there's a man on the moon or babies are delivered by a stork? I'm genuinely shocked.

I'd advise not saying anything until she does. Either she doesn't know, or she does and enjoys the whole idea of it, so plays along.

Told me daughter just before she started secondary school and she was so relieved that Santa wasn't always watching her - she thought he could see her getting dressed...

I told my daughter in the summer before she started seniors, she said she’d had suspicions BUT this year (year 8) she said she’d wished I hadn’t told her, as part of her still hoped he was real even though deep down she knew he wasn’t…. She has pretty much said Christmas has lost its magic and isn’t fun anymore….. on Christmas Eve we both were a bit like ‘can’t believe it’s Christmas tomorrow, doesn’t feel exciting etc!’…..
This Christmas just gone she even brought back the elves and did them herself to bring some joy and mystery back into Christmas…& I had to play along 😂😂
My advice is to just let her ‘play along’… let her be the one to say when when she no longer wants to leave out a cookie for Santa!

You're completely nuts. Your issue is you worry about your child being naive and unpopular at secondary school. That won't be determined by Father Christmas. We all keep the myth alive. Generation after Generation has kept the myth alive. Why? Because it has value. Because we want to. Maybe it's an example of "faith" that we need, that makes the world better - and at Christmas, people do generally behave behave better for a short period. But 8 out of 10 adults, especially at Christmas would say they believe in Fairies, Father Christmas and Unicorns. But that's only because they had parents who made that time special for them. The realist haters probably had parents who stomped all over their dreams of happiness. Continue to assert Father Christmas is real. Watch Miracle on 34th St, if you have to. Teach your child their 12 x tables fluently, if you haven't already done so. Or encourage their reading. Feeling confident in class, will benefit your child a lot more.