To tell 10 year old daughter the truth?

[TheGhostsOfMeAndYou]

My daughter's 10, she's due to start secondary school next year.

We haven't told her Father Christmas isn't real yet.

I think she knows really but she hasn't addressed it aloud to us.

I want to tell her as I don't want her going to secondary school and being picked on, or finding out from another child.

But how do I do it?

I feel so sad that another part of her childhood is over and I also worry that Christmas will loose that magical feeling.

I bluffed my Mum into telling me. I was about 10. I said I’d seen my Dad and her first reaction was “don’t tell your brother” 😊
I was really upset, and wished I hadn’t.

She will know. If not, I’d broaden her reading…

We were the same as you. We never pretended that Father Christmas was bringing gifts. The gifts came from Mummy and Daddy, grandma and grandpa, auntie Sue etc

Our children knew about the story of Father Christmas, the elves, the workshop, the flying reindeer, the sleigh etc but we never tried to convince them that any of it existed or was real. Yes, we put out a carrot for the reindeer and mince pie and sherry for FC on Christmas Eve, but it was a fun game, a sort of "let's pretend" that we all enjoyed.

No, people who feel the need to go along with a pointless lie just because everyone else does are the weird ones. "No Henry, we didn't buy your presents, Santa shops at Amazon these days. I know you're nearly 16 but you'll ruin our Christmas and our lives if you stop believing".

How sad, they're only just starting to appreciate the magic of Christmas at age 4 and 5. My son is 9 and him and all his friends do still believe (genuinely, he isn't humouring me). He's asked over the years as children who don't celebrate Christmas at his school have announced it as young as year 1 but I've always said that santa doesn't visit those children as people celebrate different things and they have their own celebrations. So he's always carried on believing.

I fervently told mine that they might hear that Santa isn't real but that I BELIEVE. That my evidence is that I couldn't possibly manage to make the magic of their childhoods, but that Santa only comes to those who believe and so I do, but what they choose to do is up to them.

It is a family joke and I love it. They each make a performance of believing and this year, at midnight on Christmas Eve I had a 22 year old stoned off his nut trying quickly get Santa a mince pie and glass of milk because he couldn't believe anyone hadn't. He brought "Santa" a mince pie and glass of Baileys cos he reckoned that's what Santa likes on Christmas Eve.

It's lovely. You don't have to let the magic go.

You don't need to say anything. Just let her work it out in her own time she probably already knows but doesn't want to admit it yet. If she wants to believe let her.
You don't need to make a big deal about it. My parents didn't ever say anything to us about it and I never said anything to my children.

It's honestly embarrassing how long some people let this go on for.

Tell her over the summer holidays. But definitely tell her before starting secondary school......or even at easter......if she knows the easter bunny isn't real. Use it as a topic re father xmas.

I have never had this conversation with my parents and I’m 45.
I still had a stocking until I moved out of home-I wasn’t under any delusion it was Father Christmas when I was 18.

There’s really no need to actually say it surely?!

We told our son after his last Christmas before leaving primary. He said he knew but still couldn't get his head around it. Then followed the 'so I suppose, the Easter Bunny, and Tooth Fairy aren't real either?' It was really sad, but even though he's now in year 8, he still believes in the magic a little.

Do any children actually beleive in Santa at that age?? Surely not? My five y/o told me that he 'obviously' knew Santa was just pretend. She must know! Kids keep it ups because they think it will stop!

I thought the same too until my dd told me mom I knew since I was 7 I just pretended I didn't know. I was crushed.

It’s not sad at all! Or it wasn’t in our house. Children take huge delight in their imaginations, and make believe, and play.

And it is so exciting to put a sack outside your bedroom and find it full… however it happened.

We don’t value play and imagination enough and that’s what is sad, IMO.

Yes, you need to tell her.

If there's any other fictional being she believes in, like the tooth fairy or the Easter bunny or the elf on the shelf, then they need to be debunked too while you're at it.

She's old enough to be told about puberty, periods, and sex fhs.

I believe in fairies, magic, Father Christmas, the Easter Bunny and Hogwarts. I’m 45.
Stop being such a fun sponge. It’s lovely to live inside your own imagination- the real world is shite.

The real world might be shite, but hanging a sign around your child’s neck saying “ Hi I am in year 7 and believe in Santa” Is a pretty sure fire way of making it even more shite.

I find it sad that children 5/6/7 don't believe

Christmas - half the fun is about fc and what present he will buy plus mince pie and Carrot left out etx

The magic of Christmas

The delight of dd6 running in on 25/12 saying fc has been. The stocking full of little fun stuff and the small pressie he brings

The huge smile on her face when she saw reindeer food on the floor to the door

I'd be more than surprised if your daughter, at the age of ten, believed in Father Christmas. It's likely she has known the truth for a very long time but doesn't say anything to that effect in order to spare your feelings. You have already expressed feeling upset at the very thought.

The myth often means more to parents than children.

Really sorry that I’ve embarrassed you because my 40 year old cousin with Down’s Syndrome still believes.

I’m going to tell him the truth immediately because it will make you feel less embarrassed and we can all agree the world is a better place.

For something to be part of your imagination you have to know it isn’t real.

Kids believing in Father Christmas aren’t enjoying their imagination, they are just believing in something as a fact because their parents have told them it’s real.

I told mine (twins) in the August before they started secondary one of my DS laughed and said I’ve known for years it was you and Dad the other DS was devastated still fully believed in Santa and it did break my heart a little bit and Christmas hasn’t been the same since but it’s all part of then growing up Good luck OP

I told my 2 the August before starting secondary.

My youngest said "yeah I know, the tooth fairy isn't real either"

My eldest was absolutely gutted, he only just turned 11 before starting secondary. He said he suspected but really wanted to believe. After Christmas he told me was was really pleased we told him as another kid in the year still believed and was bullied because of it

I have never had this conversation with my parents and I’m 45.
I still had a stocking until I moved out of home-I wasn’t under any delusion it was Father Christmas when I was 18.

There’s really no need to actually say it surely?!
I think it depends on the family.

In a chilled out family where Santa has always been low key, a bit of a story, we put some fun treats out, he brings a stocking but presents are from family, you probably don't need to have the conversation. They'll realise naturally as they gain critical thinking and maturity, and it becomes a unspoken thing.

In the (ridiculous imo) families who go out of their way to convince their children from a young age that Santa is a literal human, who take their children here there and everywhere to do Santa things, to fake letters from Santa to their children, have Santa cams and other stuff to add to the 'proof' he's real, where the parents are devastated that their 6 year old asks questions or has doubts, and they're posting on Mumsnet overwhelmed that the magic of Christmas will be ruined unless they can find a way to stage things to shut down a 7 year old's questions, yeah they probably will have to have the conversation. These are the parents who seem to think that their 11 year old sincerely believing in Santa gets them some parenting of the year award. They can usually be spotted saying how sad and upsetting it is that a 5 year old realises reindeer can't fly and Santa can't get round over 6 billion homes in one night.

Edit to add, obviously there's shades of grey between the two.

THAT EXACT BOOK RUINED IT FOR ME IN CASETTE FORM!!

I've never heard/seen anyone else mentioning it ever before - Was it "girls under pressure" maybe?
All I remember was it also mentioned Doctor Who, and to lessen the pain of Father Christmas my mum then introduced me to the Christopher Eccleston Revamp!