To tell 10 year old daughter the truth?

[TheGhostsOfMeAndYou]

My daughter's 10, she's due to start secondary school next year.

We haven't told her Father Christmas isn't real yet.

I think she knows really but she hasn't addressed it aloud to us.

I want to tell her as I don't want her going to secondary school and being picked on, or finding out from another child.

But how do I do it?

I feel so sad that another part of her childhood is over and I also worry that Christmas will loose that magical feeling.

You don't tell her. She knows and she won't mention it anyway. Its just a natural part of childhood ebbing away.

She passes on the flame in making the magic for younger kids when it comes up. It's not a sit down conversation.

Dd knew when she was 5. Didn't stop her wanting to leave mince pies, carrot and a glass of something. Nor did she stop wanting artistically produced reindoor poo from chocolate raisins or maltesers, though. She moved away at 20.

My DD14 still gets "Santa" presents.

She knows that it's our job to keep the magic alive for young kids so it's a good one liner to equip her with.

"Our job is to keep the magic alive"

If she knows it really I don't think you need to tell her specifically unless she asks. My parents never told me.

I just never filled my kids heads with it anyway. They didn't have a lesser childhood or Christmas as a result. Christmas was still just as magical and they enjoyed it just as much. They couldn't believe the things their friends parents were filling their heads with either.

I was convinced my kids believed until they were 11 and 12. They later told me that they had never believed in Father Christmas and went along with it just for fun. I was extremely shocked as they were so very convincing!

I would not be surprised if your child does know and is not telling you.

It’s really not worth worrying about.

I want to tell her as I don't want her going to secondary school and being picked on, or finding out from another child.

Are either of these really worth worrying about?

I have never heard of a child being significantly picked on for believing in Santa - a temporary slagging off/laugh which any child with even moderate resilience should be able to cope with/laugh off themselves.

Finding out from another child is how most children find out. Again it a good lesson in resilience and not to be so gullible/use logical thinking/question what you have been told, even if it is from your parents as they don't always know everything.

You don't need to protect her from these minor things with the bonus you can keep the magic going at home. ds(19) is still a "believer" and even today when he asks (in joke because I have never admitted it) I do not confirm it, I just reply with "What do you think?/Where do you think the presents come from?/Well that is something you need to decide yourself? I believe Christmas is magic!"

Er SPOILER ALERT???

I was similar to your daughter in that I said to my mum "Santa's not real isn't he not?"... she smiled and said no. The way I put the question made it seem like I knew but I didn't, so when she said no I was like "whaaaat?"..totally gutted. I was lucky though as I'd turned 11 so got all the primary school years...I started grammar school only a few months later so the timing was just about right.

I did a version of this for my daughter

When my eldest was 10 he asked outright if he was real and I admitted he wasn’t. He burst into tears. I don’t recall the others asking directly but my position since then has been that Father Christmas visits all children who believe in him.

Exactly, mine are 17 and 13 and ‘choose to believe’. There is no need for a big conversation, if she’s in any uk regular school she knows!

😂😂

At her age I would be far more worried about a ten year old coming up to secondary school not knowing about other life facts, such as puberty,periods, real life or online bullying, body positivity, what to do in situations that make her feel anxious or uncomfortable etc. I would be more concerned with starting those conversations )if they are issues the OP has not already addressed) as a priority rather than the FC conversation.

Have the discussion in summer, I did easter bunny, toothfairy and santa in one go but they did already know. You don't need to loose the traditions my 20 yr old put out a drink and carrot for santa this year and got a santa sack!

I imagine she knows. At her age, it is very unlikely that she believes a man, pulled by magical flying reindeer, really goes to every house to give presents. Most children humour their parents for years after they find out he doesn’t exist.

Tell them in the summer before they start sept and new school

Some do still believe at 10/11 and that's nice

But need to know before starts secondary school so they don't say fc will hopefully bring me this or fc for me this after Xmas and get the piss ripped out of them

It's a sad thing as last part of their childhood

But

You can still do the fun things and leave a mince pie out for mum and dad etx

I dont think you need to say anything. Just dial down any reference to Santa/sont organsie a visit to him next year/ don’t actively push the narrative any more.

mine are older but we still do stockings and mince pie and carrot. Nothings ever been said but there isn’t a doubt they dont know!

At 10 she most definitly knows he doesn't exist.

I think it's probably harder in the internet era though as you can just Google it. We are all now much more informed on things (probably too much which is to our detriment in an 'ignorance is bliss' type thing).

The only thing we had (late 80s) was a dictionary, and that just said: Saint Nicholas, gift giver.

This is a sweet book for dealing with this situation - helps keep the magic alive in a different way.

https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Society-Saint-Nicholas/dp/173495292X

That's a fantastic way to find out. It's magical in its own way.

People who think it’s ‘shit’ are the weird ones.

Do you not just talk?

imo that letter is over dramatic and so excessively twee it is vom inducing, but each to their own!

Not necessarily, I mean when you have NASA and NORAD involved it makes it almost believable.