To tell 10 year old daughter the truth?

[TheGhostsOfMeAndYou]

My daughter's 10, she's due to start secondary school next year.

We haven't told her Father Christmas isn't real yet.

I think she knows really but she hasn't addressed it aloud to us.

I want to tell her as I don't want her going to secondary school and being picked on, or finding out from another child.

But how do I do it?

I feel so sad that another part of her childhood is over and I also worry that Christmas will loose that magical feeling.

We had to draw the line when our older teen was still playing along. We didn't want them to think actual santa was coming forever so we said he doesn't come when you're over a certain age but he gives the job to us.

I knew long before 10, kept quiet as I thought if I said anything I wouldn't get any presents 😂Eventually confessed and was told not to say anything to my little brother (I hadn't and didn't)

It won't spoil anything OP.

I told my DC when they were that age and they were both so cross that we lied!
Tbf we all still "believe" in father xmas but as theyre now in their 20s they take their own filled stocking upstairs xmas eve night to put on the end of their bed as they go to bed after me! FX still gives them small stocking fillers (and so does the dog!)

At 10, she likely already knows but It’ll be better to hear it from you. When I was 7, another child at school told me, about a week before Christmas, and I was heartbroken! I’m in my 40s now, and still feel sad when I think about it. (Thanks a lot, Kate Newman! )

I can't remember anything about finding out or not and never had this discussion with my son. Does it need to be a thing?

She knows.

I’m sure she already knows! I found out at 4 or 5… though I was then the kid who ruined it for another kid

I would be very surprised if she doesn’t already know. Most children seem to know by year 3 abc the rest soon after. I know one mum who insisted her child still believed at 13. He definitely didn’t.

In similar position with my 10 year old, they’ve questioned it a bit this year but they definitely still believe. This year we got them the big presents and FC just got some smaller bits ( because you don’t get as much when you get older). I don’t think mine want to stop believing because they’d be worried they wouldn’t get as much!

A child in my DC's class told them before Christmas that he is not real lol, and they are only early Primary. My DC then said they just wanted to let me know that Father Christmas is not real 😆 I just said something like well I still think he is!
And it didn't change my DC's view, excitedly going to bed wondering how many presents Father Christmas would bring!

I think this is good advice. That way it’s going to be a lot more organic than suddenly saying in the summer that Santa doesn’t exist. You can flow into it nicely from the Easter bunny.

My 9yo clearly already knows and is humouring us, although is thoughtfully keeping his lip buttoned WRT his younger sibling. I think he enjoys the rituals and doesn't want to pull down the whole house of cards by saying it directly. It's a very rare 10yo who hasn't long figured it out, unless very, very sheltered or naive.

At 10 she will very likely already have guessed I think ,She probably wants to play along for a while.I think just maybe leave it for now ,or some gentle hints ?

Most children can tell the difference between fairy tales and reality well before they are 10 years old. But in the case of Father Christmas, it's a bit different. Parents tend to go to great lengths to perpetuate the belief in their children.

I've never heard of anyone telling their children that the little gingerbread boy actually existed or that the Gruffalo is a real animal and mice can talk. So children just naturally realise that those are stories and fantasy.

In the case of Father Christmas, children's natural ability to tell fact from fantasy is distorted and thwarted, mostly by their parents. So it is absolutely possible that a 10-year-old, who would laugh out loud at the suggestion that Puss in Boots or Beauty and the Beast were true stories, might still be oblivious to the total implausibility of the existence of Father Christmas.

I told my ds F Christmas doesn’t visit children when they are 10. But FC only brought the stocking anyway, no main presents. He’s 24 now and still gets a stocking though 😆

I told my daughter the summer before moving to high school, she has told me since that her friends had told her that he wasn’t real but she didn’t believe them. Funnily enough typing this I don’t remember having a conversation with my son who is 2 years younger. He is home from uni just now so I will ask him, probably around 3pm when he gets out of bed😴😴😴🤫

My friend told her son at a similar age and also so he didn’t start spoiling it for his younger siblings by asking questions in front of them. His response was ‘does that mean the tooth fairy was you and dad too?’ He was gutted, they’d been to Lapland too, he wasn’t impressed when he realised that was fake 😃

Are you sure she hasn't twigged and is humouring you? My DC (one older, one younger) don't believe but the younger one wants to. The older one keeps saying he isn't real but then I just ask him if he wants to risk it and get no presents (with a smile) which of course he doesn't. I won't actually confirm that he doesn't exist which makes them both laugh (and we can still have some of the magic).

I’d do nothing my dd is nearly 18 and I’ve never had the conversation with her, but she happily played along for her younger sibling.

This! My 12yo son knows but it's never been said out loud. He plays along for his little sister and because he wants to!

Does anyone know the name of this Jacky Wilson book?

I think you’re kidding yourself. She knows.

I had to make sure DS knew before he went to boarding school at age 10 - we were worried that he might still actually believe. In the end we got DSS who was 14 to do it - and DS did still kind of believe, just hadn't put it all together yet.

We live overseas where children are kids for a bit longer than in the UK, so it's as well that we did check. Now DS and DSS are 24 and 28, they still get Xmas stockings and they still excitedly tell us what Santa brought them - we joke that they have to behave themselves or Santa won't come, they joke back that they never buy undies or socks in the run up to Christmas as they hope that they'll be getting some in their stocking. DS always gets a small Lego box, DSS always gets some small gadget, and they both get chocolate coins. They love it.

Unless there are additional needs then she almost certainly knows! She’s just humouring you, loves the rituals, thinks certain traditions like stockings are conditional on believing (like receiving a stocking, especially if adults in your house don’t get them), maybe even playing along for younger siblings if there are any etc. etc.

Just drop some hints if you’re not sure like say you’re buying the wrapping paper for next year now while it’s reduced in the sales and see what her reaction is?

I'm another who told my kids in the summer before they moved to secondary school, so they were both just after turning 12.

They both knew but still needed it confirmed. We still talk about Santa and do the same traditions we did when they were younger. This past Christmas is the first year we haven't left a mince pie and carrot out, or read The Night before Christmas before bed, they're nearly 19 and 16.

The idea of telling them in summer was that it's unlikely anyone else is talking about Christmas so the 'news' was unlikely to be shared with anybody who wanted to keep it going for longer I.e. any younger friends or friends siblings etc