To tell 10 year old daughter the truth?

[TheGhostsOfMeAndYou]

My daughter's 10, she's due to start secondary school next year.

We haven't told her Father Christmas isn't real yet.

I think she knows really but she hasn't addressed it aloud to us.

I want to tell her as I don't want her going to secondary school and being picked on, or finding out from another child.

But how do I do it?

I feel so sad that another part of her childhood is over and I also worry that Christmas will loose that magical feeling.

Tell her before she starts secondary school

It won't be so much fun when the rest of the kids find out.

What is to be gained by keeping a child in the dark here? Whose benefit is this for?

Parents need to let their children know it's OK to grow up and leave childhood behind. It doesn't have to be done abruptly. But a child needs to know her parents are willing and able to cherish her as she grows and sees herself and the world differently just as much as they did when she was a tot, and they're not holding her back because change is outside of their comfort zone.

Don't tell her! Honestly she already knows and won't be picked on at school because she won't say anything. But clearly wants to keep the magic alive. Allow her that; she'll tell you she doesn't believe when she's ready to tell you.
My 15 year old only told me this year that he doesn't believe, but I've known since he was 9 or 10 that he didn't. My 13 and 11 year olds still claim to believe. My 13 year old definitely doesn't but most of my 11 year olds class still seemed to this year.

Oh cmon now. No kid wants to pretend to be younger than they are. If the pretend to believe it’s to keep the parents happy. She needs to take the pressure off her and have the convo.

Please be very careful how you handle this. For basically the same reason as you, I told, and it really hurt my daughter. She later said that at the time she felt very disillusioned and almost betrayed because we had been "lying" to her to begin with.

I was trying to protect her from ridicule and instead ended up making the next Christmas miserable for her. If I'd thought it through, I'd have left her alone and let her find out gradually the way most kids do. Her sister is 2 years older and most likely would've told her soon anyway. I so wish I'd have handled this differently- she's 40 now and I still regret it.

I have 12 year old twins, I’m not sure when they found out tbh as it was a gradual realisation in line with their increasing maturity. Honestly it wasn’t a big deal and Christmas is still lovely, with all the same traditions. We ham it up a lot with the kids, lots of pretend “mistakes” and “slip ups” (eg “I - I mean Santa - saw that and knew you’d love it”: “Santa” (big inverted commas) would love you to leave out a gin and tonic this year” 🤣). I think they enjoy being in on it and they still get all the presents, so all good. Tbh, it’s less stressful than worrying about them waking up and being caught in the act. Please try not to worry and see it as another phase/ transition that will happen in due course… I agree summer time likely a good idea, when Christmas seems AGES away.

Shit which one? I didn't know this. I have a younger dd who has read a lot of these books.

I always told my kids from the start that FC was not a real person but he symbolised the spirit of Christmas. They still have stocking every year, as do all the adults and anyone in my house on Christmas Eve.

But yes you do need to make sure she knows now instead of being utterly humiliated at a later date.

Very sensible, Doone. I brought mine up with the same attitude and Christmas was still exciting and magical.

YABU. Lots of Y7 pupils still believe in Father Christmas.

We had a supply teacher who told a Y7 class that it was your parents who put the presents in the stocking. We then had 5 complaints from parents when their child came home upset about this as they had no idea! (The supply teacher was never used again!)

If she has her own ideas then she'll figure it out in her own time and is hardly going to announce out loud to the who class that the big man is real?!

I still keep up the pretence with my Y11 classes and asked them all if Father Christmas got them anything nice. They usually play along.

I had similar concerns about my daughter who started secondary school last September. It turns out she had known for two years that he didn’t exist! (Apparently a yr 5 teacher told the class) She was still very excited at Christmas.

She will already know have an inkling and don’t spoil it if she doesn’t. I have never had a conversation with any of my children about it and we still have the same conversation on Christmas Eve about if Father Christmas might come etc. Only now there is a wink, wink nudge, nudge with it. Just because she is at secondary school doesn’t mean he won’t come. My eldest is 17, middle one 15 and youngest 11 and Father Christmas still comes for them every year.

Your Christmas sounds lovely Deckchairs.

The gradual realisation in an age appropriate way makes the most sense I my opinion. There's not need in my opinion to create a big deal when they're younger and then panic each time they might find out the truth.

…. Provided she’s nurotypical she will be smart enough to keep her mouth shut or play it off as sarcasm.

chill mama, chill!

and keep getting those Santa presents

I never told my kids, I’m assuming as most of them are in their 20’s that they have twigged by now lol. Seriously it was obvious by about 8/9 they were doing the Santa stuff to humour me, in fact they still do!

Still magical.

Mine are 16 and 23 and are still humouring me 😂

@Peachandwatermelon this book

Dd said a friend of hers still believed in year 8!!

I checked with my 3 dc in the holidays before starting senior school that they knew he wasn’t real. They already knew but just wanted to check. Would have hated for them to say something along the lines of what did Santa bring you etc. we all know how embarrassing things in school take a long time to get over. I’m 51 and still blush if I think of things that happened in school .

I teach secondary and plenty of year 7s still believe. They also don't get bullied for it.

I know the general consensus on MN is faux concern and/or confusion that children over 5 aren't mini adults who are writing theses on the lie that is Santa, but irl it's completely normal for a handful to believe beyond double figures and feck all do to with being naive, sheltered or developmentally different.

Agree 100%.

You can still do Santa Claus every Christmas. There can still be presents under the tree and in the stocking. I do it every year, and my DCs are aged from 22 to 33. If they're not here for Christmas, I put their gifts in a box and send them to them. It can be a lot of fun with older kids pretending to be worried about being naughty and Santa herself making sure someone leaves a G&T for her...

She absolutely knows. Absolutely.

Just don’t say anything, my daughter is in secondary I’ve never said anything in fact this year we went to Lapland UK as youngest is 6 and she loved it, it was so magical in the car on the way home I said “it’s ok to know something but to choose to believe in the magic” that’s as close to saying something as I’ve ever got.

No need. She will get there in her own when she is ready. You don't need to tell her.