To tell 10 year old daughter the truth?

[TheGhostsOfMeAndYou]

My daughter's 10, she's due to start secondary school next year.

We haven't told her Father Christmas isn't real yet.

I think she knows really but she hasn't addressed it aloud to us.

I want to tell her as I don't want her going to secondary school and being picked on, or finding out from another child.

But how do I do it?

I feel so sad that another part of her childhood is over and I also worry that Christmas will loose that magical feeling.

I think she knows really but she hasn't addressed it aloud to us.

I still haven't had any discussions with my 29yr and 25yr old. My 29yr old still insists Santa is real but that's probably because I made the mistake of when she was five that if she didn't believe in Santa then she wouldn't get any presents from him. She's a mercenary little begger 😂 if you think she knows then leave it. See how she is nearer Christmas as her friends might discuss it between them before then.

EDIT - We have Santa presents as well as family presents. I suppose if Santa brings them all then that's different. If Santa only brings a couple then leave it.

I just told mine that Santa will keep coming as long as you "believe" in him, with a big wink. They started suspecting around age 9-10 and this was always my stock answer!

My DS is going up this year, too. He told me they had been covering St Nicholas at school so I took the opportunity to talk about how the story of St Nick developed into the story of Santa.

I sold it as Santa is real, but that he isn't a person, he's a tradition, because every grown up IS Santa for little ones and now he's old enough to be Santa too, for younger friends/family.

He'd been poking holes in santa/easter bunny/tooth fairy for a couple of years and I've been batting questions off with 'if you don't believe, you don't receive!' but it was definitely time.

He wasn't bothered at all, until Xmas Eve when he realised he wasn't going to get a little Santa sack left out in the morning (we've always done Santa presents early then family presents after lunch), so we started a new tradition of a stocking on his bed with a few things in, which he loved.

We've done well to get ours to 10, I think.

I’m amazed children get to 10 and 11 and haven’t worked it out? How? Mine knew from 4/5

They know, but they go along with playing as if it’s real because it’s fun and the Christmas tradition.

Leaving primary and starting secondary is a big milestone, but they are still your kids and new lovely things emerge as they grow. You have to let her be her and develop.

Absolutely.i knew from age 5 when I was v uncomfortable sitting on Santa's knees.i knew it was a racket but that was a long time ago

Lots of good advice, but do do it! A friend of mine didn't specifically tell her DD - she was 13 when her friends told her!

Mine worked it out by 4 or 5. But we still did Santa Sacks… still do now they are at Uni. They enjoyed pretending / imagining and leaving the mince pie etc until they were about 9 or 10.

It’s fun, it’s the Christmas Tradition.

I never did ‘don’t believe, don’t receive’.

I knew he was a bit weird/perve but then I was the kind of kid who's been around before

Age 6 DD told her 9 year old brother !

Clarice Bean Think Like an Elf by Lauren Child has some questioning of whether FC is real. It doesn't actually say outright that he isn't but it is a really lovely, gentle, sweet book and would be a great way to bring the subject up and have a discussion about it.

Believing in something doesn't indicate additional needs, there are still lots of children who believe in God because they're told enough times that it's real despite other people telling them its not.

If anything there's more proof with santa as there's a physical sign that he's real with the presents.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Jacqueline-Wilson-Christmas-Cracker/dp/0440871204

This one says FC, EB, tooth fairy et al aren't real

I never tell my kids about Santa and Father Christmas. I always say "mommy and daddy got you presents for Christmas".

They are 3 1/2, almost 2 and 3 weeks (well, baby doesn't count yet)

Anyone else?

Reading all these threads on mumsnet makes me think I might be doing something wrong 😂

Don’t tell her; she will figure it out or may be pretending. I told DD in year 9; not sure whether she believed it or not at that stage. I asked her the other day how she found out and she said well you told me: You don’t believe in Santa? Do you? So what do you want for Christmas? I asked her if she believed by then, she was a bit vague. I think they sort of know but like to keep the game, pretend is real, something like that

I meant more that kids are going to notice logical stuff like the fact that the Santa at Lapland UK looked totally different to the one at the garden centre. Or that their friend at school gets all their presents from Santa, the kid next door thinks Santa is just the delivery man but in their house they’ve been told that Santa brings stockings. Or all the stories that bang out about him coming down the chimney but they live in a flat without a fireplace. Etc etc.

Religion is totally different I think as there’s a level of consistency eg the bible is the same in any christian church and there’s not someone different dressing up as god everywhere you go! So if you’re from a religious family there are far less inconsistencies to question.

She most likely already knows. I think my 7 year old goes along with it for my sake 😂.

We've always went down the road of "the parents buy the stuff and Santa consolidates then delivers" so:

A) Santa doesn't get all the credit for her gifts
B) She understands that Xmas isn't unlimited funds-wise and not all children get the same, so don't go in school bragging that Santa brought you a Meta Quest when your friends might have asked and their parents couldn't stretch to it. To be mindful.

My 5yo worked it out this year! I really do think a 10yo will know. She's probably just playing along with it because it's a fun story.

Mine never asked.

Once of twice they stated Santa’s not real and I stated ‘don’t put out your stocking then’ every year they appear. They are rapidly heading toward adult hood - as in over 16, so I wouldn’t sweat it.

I'm pretty sure she's well aware that Father Christmas isn't real and that she's just playing along with you.

My kids have additional needs (autism) and one has learning difficulties and even they worked it out very early on. For a start they all look different? They did a santas grotto at my kids school and they knew it was their teacher…

I think she knows really but she hasn't addressed it aloud to us.

I think she knows and doesn't want to let you down by saying she knows!

She's keeping up her side of the fairytale, playing along.

It'll come out naturally. Stop worrying.

That's all easily rationalised by "Santa's grottos are helpers" and "he has a magic key for houses without a chimney" (that came from a santa grotto for ours..)
I don't think many children go into detail about who gives them what either. They just talk about their presents in general.

With religion there's more inconsistencies if anything, as there's the explanations of why other people believe in other gods, why dinosaurs are never mentioned, how Adam and eves sons continued the human race etc. Much clearer things for a child to notice.

It is good that you realise that you need to tell her. I've never seen a child picked on for believing but I have seen a couple of faces crumple and hold back tears during a class discussion when another student has blithely made a casual reference and it has dawned on them.

I find it useful to explain that Father Christmas is real, but that 'he' is an idea or a concept, not a physical person. Anyone who does something loving for someone else at Christmas time is Father Christmas, which means that you, and her dad, and her grandma / uncle / big cousin / whoever are also Father Christmas. Now she knows the truth, she is Father Christmas too, and part of her job is to keep the magic alive for younger children.