5 year old took coat off-what would you have done?

[Swiftschoolpickup]

After school dog walk with my Dd, 5.5. It was cold (v cold) and almost drizzly. She had a long sleeved dress, tights and boots on and her puffa type jacket. All was going well, a nice walk, when Dd says she doesn’t want her coat on and takes it off. I tell her it’s too cold, it’s January and to put it back on, cue almighty meltdown, crying lots and shouting and refusing to put it on. So we walk back to the car to go home, walking past people looking at me like I’m an awful mother.
Dd calmed down later and said sorry, I said she didn’t need to say sorry but explained to her why she needs to wear a coat. She said she didn’t feel free, which I get…
Did I deal with this correctly? Never sure if I’m being too harsh or not firm enough
What would you have done?
Is it normal that she got this upset about it?

The natural consquence of taking her coat off is that she gets old. She'll either ask for it back on or be cold.. there's no need to get into a battle of wills about it.

' that's fine DD - if you get chilly you can always put it back on '

The only way for your daughter to realise the consequence of taking her coat off in the winter is to let her do it. Stop making a song and dance about it. Make her carry her coat and then ignore the fact, she would have slipped it back on when she was cold. Screaming match for nothing.

I get hot when I’m walking even in freezing temps so I either wear a thin lightweight jacket or a gilet/bodywarmer. Does the trick.

that’s the compromise I gave my kids as well. Body warmer at the least or we don’t go out.

For what it’s worth I’ve never looked at a parent with a young child and judged the parent based on what the child is wearing. However if you have a teen and they are wearing Playboy branded stuff or high heels then different story

Yep, next time I'd just remind her to put it back on if she gets cold. Not worth an argument!

I've got 3 boys with ASD. The 8 year old likes to be wrapped up to his eyeballs even in the middle of summer. The 5 year old is currently wearing shorts to school and a light windbreaker jacket, no hat or gloves although they are in his bag just incase. All hell breaks loose at the mere suggestion of wearing something warmer, I figure he just doesn't feel the cold like I do and he doesn't like lots of layers. 2 year old still too little to argue about clothes so at least one is dressed for the weather 😁

I had this exact same thing when mine was a similar age. I also said they should put coat on, this was at school pick-up so in front of the reception teacher & other parents milling about. Meltdown from DC followed, and I was stuck between doubling down and insisting on it and just letting it go. I didn't want to look weak or that I couldn't follow through, so I doubled down and insisted. Meltdown got bigger. It was all very embarrassing.

Looking back I should have let it go at the time, and offered coat again a few moments later. You live and learn.

@Thesoundoflettinggo 🤣😂
I only have 1 & 2 wasn't fortunate enough to get 3. But your kids sound exactly like mine!
2 started fighting over clothes when he was still in nappies! Not a chance was I getting very cute dungarees on him, or trousers regardless of how soft they were.

If she was miles away from getting warmed upI might have insisted but five minutes away from being thawed out by the heater I'd have rolled with it. Either way, don't worry about people looking at you, you weren't being horrible, it was a perfectly fine thing to decide upon it just wouldn't have been my personal tactic.

@triptriptrap genuine question, why do you think it's so important for a child to wear a coat against their wishes? They'll come to no harm without a coat. Worst case, they'll feel cold and put it back on

DS used to put his coat on when the teacher was watching and then take it off again as soon as he was out of sight.

He's never been a fan of "pointless" rules.

My DD4 loves to wear a coat, hat, scarf and gloves. She adores accessories of any kind. In contrast, DD2 hates everything. She'd run around naked all day if she could. Totally refuses to wear gloves even if it is bitter outside, and also takes her shoes and socks off in any weather. Ignore any looks you get, because children are weird like that. But I always have the coat available for when they truly do get cold.

Kids may know when they get cold, but they don't know that if they run around getting sweaty with no coat on and then stop moving they will lose heat too fast. So they need to put their coat on. Obviously this generally matters on mountains etc rather than in the playground but it goes to show that kids do need some instruction about putting your coat on! OP is fine to behave as she did!

Do kids get sweaty though?

I mean sure they have sweat glands but I've only ever noticed people get sweaty from running round after puberty, at which time they're well aware of the consequences of their actions even if they continue to make poor life choices any way.

I've never seen 5 or 6 year olds getting soaked in sweat from tumbling round a playground or doing a few laps of the garden with friends.

I certainly wouldn't be carrying it for her though! Shocked at so many parents saying they would. Why?

They can take it off but they have to carry it. If they get cold they can put it back on.

My DD would ask for ice cream when we were out in the freezing cold. We got a few looks, but she was happy. I agree with others 5 is old enough to know if they are cold, she may have been toasty warm if the jacket is thick and you had been walking, she would ask for it back when she got cold. Choose your hill to die on.

Did she have a hat and gloves on? These are more important to reduce heat loss and keep her extremities warm.

You need to give them a little bit of control/autonomy sometimes, when it’s safe. How else do they learn?

My six year old is a cold tatty though. She absolutely hates being cold so I never have this issue with her.

I think some parents just like control for the sake of control, to be honest.

my sister in law wouldn’t let my nephew take his jumper off at our house once. It was bizarre.

Just wait for a boiling hot day and your kids standing there.in a big winter jacket and other are in swim wear in a paddling pool!

I have two opposite kids and gave up the jacket fight years ago!

I'd have told her I'd prefer it to be kept on, then if she insists then she can go ahead and take it off.

Then when she was cold she'd ask to put it back on 🤷🏼‍♀️.

If she gets cold she puts it back on, no biggie. Also, no one ever caught a cold or a bug because of low temperature. That requires presence of a virus/bacteria.

All these people saying "if they get cold they will just put it back on"

I must breed very stubborn, defiant children because no matter how cold they get they do not put the coat back on once they have made the decision to not wear it/take it off!

Even though I do still have to battle with DS2 about it, I am actually glad I was a bit firmer with him and insisted when he was younger, because it is easier to persuade him than it was with DS1. With DS1 I took the "Oh it doesn't matter he'll put it back on if he's cold!" approach and it didn't work for him. It just gave him the expectation that I wouldn't force him to put his coat on.

Even if clothes fit, sometimes they're not just not that comfortable. Puffa coats can feel really restrictive and claustrophobic - I'm not keen on wearing them myself. And if she was walking at a reasonable pace she might have felt warm enough. If I'm out on a walk, I rarely need a heavy coat even in very cold weather.

I totally understand why it worried you that she took it off, but I do think if she was cold enough for it to be unpleasant, she'd have put it back on again.

I'd have done exactly as OP did but then I'm a different generation!