5 year old took coat off-what would you have done?

[Swiftschoolpickup]

After school dog walk with my Dd, 5.5. It was cold (v cold) and almost drizzly. She had a long sleeved dress, tights and boots on and her puffa type jacket. All was going well, a nice walk, when Dd says she doesn’t want her coat on and takes it off. I tell her it’s too cold, it’s January and to put it back on, cue almighty meltdown, crying lots and shouting and refusing to put it on. So we walk back to the car to go home, walking past people looking at me like I’m an awful mother.
Dd calmed down later and said sorry, I said she didn’t need to say sorry but explained to her why she needs to wear a coat. She said she didn’t feel free, which I get…
Did I deal with this correctly? Never sure if I’m being too harsh or not firm enough
What would you have done?
Is it normal that she got this upset about it?

Urgh flashbacks to stuffy stiff duffle coat I was forced to wear as a child. I blame that thing on my claustrophobia

It’s totally up to you. If no cost is a deal breaker then enforce that rule. We don’t need to be right all the time we won’t break our children by having boundaries. There’s no right or wrong - you calmly enforced a rule good for you, she’s your child and you can do what you think is right, you didn’t yell or freak out you did good.

Your dd could carry her coat and would soon feel cold and wet from rain and then would think about putting it back on. Let them learn why a coat is necessary.

I find this row weird. DS had it with a teacher at that age. She told me expecting me to tell him off, but it's his body. Coat goes on if they feel cold. If they don't, it stays off.

The coat is small to be wore on top of the PJ's and dress. Those PJ's are bulky.

Don't give it a second thought. It is not a big deal.

You've reminded me of a friend who had a similar argument with her daughter's childminder it almost got to the stage of her looking for a new one due to the coat battles

I too was made to wear a duffle coat, with toggles. It wasn’t so much the feel I disliked, but that nobody else at school wore them.

As for “clothes unsuitable for the weather”, I remember also constantly choosing ones my parents thought were unsuitable, and eventually my parents decided to let me find out the hard way. I used to put shoes on my bare feet all the time, in summer and winter; my parents told me what might happen if I did, but let me get on with it. I learned that my feet get cold on winter, but I kept doing it in spring and summer.

I work in a nursery - the two yo and below always get cold quick but as soon as the reach about 3.5yo and up a lot of them don’t want to wear a coat. The only time I insist is if it is both cold and wet as they often won’t have dry jumpers to change into. If it’s very cold I’ll ask them to put a coat on to start with but tell them they can take it off if they get too hot. Most of them leave it on once they get outside and realise it’s cold. The same children tend to want to take coats off - they either run hot or have sensory issues to clothing. Most of the time these are the ones being very active too.

The only problem we really have is parents not sending warm coats in with their child. We always go outside and the children who run cold have the thinnest coats!

As a parent my son was always hot even as a little baby and would get fussy if he was given too many layers. The girls liked being more snuggled up.

If a child wants to take their coat off let them. They will put it back on when they’re cold. No need to police every tiny little thing they do, they’ll just learn to do it out of your eyesight instead.

Definitely not worth having a fight over imho.. If she got cold I’m sure she would have put it back on if you hadn’t made a big deal out of it.

I agree with this. Tbh, I don’t think arguments like ‘mummy is right’ and ‘the child needs to do as they’re told’ are always the way forward.
I grew up in a culture where people made a lot of fuss about cold and drafts. Children were wrapped up like little parcels in winter, whether or not it was actually cold, and told not to run around in case they get sweaty. We then moved to a place with a more relaxed approach to clothing, where parents trusted their children to be able to tell whether they were cold, and I prefer it.

Your DD stated she took her coat off not because she was hot, but to proof that she is the one who makes decisions. She was literally checking the boundaries. And therefore DD probably would not put the coat no matter how cold is outside.

I think OP did the right thing. At the end of the day the OP would be the one dealing with the consequences of silly 5 yo behaviour, wether it cold / bad throat or a child that would demand her way or no way.

@Cheswick the consequences are the child would feel cold and decide actually I do want my coat.

How much do people fight this the other way round, roasting hot day, one child.in paddling pool, other I'm big winter coat?

She was angry because you are treating her like a baby!

I'd leave her to it, she'll ask for it back when cold enough. I remember as a child mid primary my bro and I would always go in the sea when went to the coast to turn the water off in the family home nov-jan time, I think kids just don't feel the cold like we do

Mine is always doing this and I just let her take it off. If she gets too cold she just puts it back on…not an argument I want to get into. The whole thing about catching a cold if you don’t wrap up warm is actually a myth, and they are hardly going to get hypothermia 🤷‍♀️

Yes this.

DD would never keep a coat on. I didn’t argue with her just told her she’d get cold. She had to carry it if she took it off though.

.. also love that she wants to feel free.

The OP would have mentioned it if her child had asthma.

This is a battle I wouldn't have fought. If she's cold she will ask for it back.

Why did she not have to say sorry? She behaved badly so she did need to apologise. I would definitely insist on her wearing the jacket in this weather.

I would (and have) said “okay, your choice but it’s very chilly so let me know if you want it back”. Mine almost always took it off, said “it’s freezing!” and put it back on, then we had a giggle about it. I also encourage the kids to go stand outside for a minute if they think they won’t need a coat before we leave the house.
In general, I assume they will have some degree of self preservation and don’t make it my job to force the issue- only to make sure the coat is with us if they want it.

If someone was on YOUR back every time you put on or took off a jacket or coat/scarf/hat/gloves/whatever you would soon get pissed off. Back off and leave her alone. Make her carry the coat so there are consequences of not wearing it but ultimately if she’s not cold she’s not cold and end of.

The after school bit is the key here. They’re tired after school and anything triggers them. Totally normal. Google total restraint collapse