5 year old took coat off-what would you have done?

[Swiftschoolpickup]

After school dog walk with my Dd, 5.5. It was cold (v cold) and almost drizzly. She had a long sleeved dress, tights and boots on and her puffa type jacket. All was going well, a nice walk, when Dd says she doesn’t want her coat on and takes it off. I tell her it’s too cold, it’s January and to put it back on, cue almighty meltdown, crying lots and shouting and refusing to put it on. So we walk back to the car to go home, walking past people looking at me like I’m an awful mother.
Dd calmed down later and said sorry, I said she didn’t need to say sorry but explained to her why she needs to wear a coat. She said she didn’t feel free, which I get…
Did I deal with this correctly? Never sure if I’m being too harsh or not firm enough
What would you have done?
Is it normal that she got this upset about it?

Let her go without her coat. She’s the one who can feel if she’s cold or not, not you.

She’s probably running around, you’re probably not. She might run hot.

But if she does get cold, she’ll learn something useful about the cold, how it affects her, and coats.

Nothing bad is going to happen from her not wearing a coat if she doesn’t want to. She’s not going to catch some Victorian “chill”.

My child is very sensory and can feel hot and want to strip off even on a cold day. I would just have let her get on with it if she wanted the coat off. I’m not sure why it was such an issue. Puffer coats are thick and can feel really warm. Not a major deal, she would soon feel cold and want it back on I’m sure.

My kids hate wearing coats, I don’t particularly like it myself either. They both play a lot of winter outdoor sports and tend to get hot or at least stay warm. I kind of let them choose whether to wear a coat in instances like this, but if they take off I make them carry it. I find this helps with the judgy looks.

I always let them take off their coat. If she gets cold, she will put it back on. What's the issue?

Don't feel bad @Swiftschoolpickup , she will get over it. But I do think natural consequences are important- take your coat off and discover you will get cold. I follow that approach with my 2 y.o. but obviously prompt her quite a bit to think about if she's cold and needs her coat. If she starts shivering I will push things and say coat on or we go home, but generally she realises before that point. Argh, children. Nightmares!

My daughter was a complete contrary Mary. She wanted to wear summer dresses and no coat in winter and actually wore a scarf and gloves on a hot summer's day. I let her get on with it, it didn't last long. Pick your battles

Go watch super nanny and get a perspective and confidence. If you have confidence you're asking your child to do the right thing, everyone picks up on that including the child. You just expect it. It creates safety boundaries. After the child's wobble, you still don't exactly know what feeling "free" means or how you can incorporate it into daily life or special events. I think you're left dangling and not confident - and your child is smarter than you. Freaking obvious. Best advice, get routines in place, and just work on the basics of good nutrition and bedtimes and school work and having confidence you're a good parent. And probably spend extra time getting your child focussed on school work, like reading and times tables.

I would’ve just told her she’ll get cold and then let her get on with it.
I walk my two dogs daily and even in this cold I’ve been taking my coat off because I’ve been getting hot. Maybe she was actually hot, after all kids have to walk a lot faster to keep up with our pace…

As for people looking at you, I’d smile at them and walk by with a cheery ‘lovely afternoon isn’t it!?”

Normal behaviour. Just say ok you carry it and when you get cold you can put it on again. Don’t get into a power struggle over it and stop worrying about what random passers by think of you. Everyone knows little kids have meltdowns. You only look bad if you’re screaming at them.

Ya need to ekwrn to pick yer battles up especially when they have natural consequences, so she takes her coat off? So she gets cold? So she will put it back on when ready if you don't hold a fuss. If yer gonna fight with yer child over every silly little thing it's not gonna be a fun time for either of you

The conversation afterwards was good.

Next time she digs her heels in over something, you’ll be able to ask why! 😃

I have this with my kids as I feel the cold a lot and they don't. I have learnt (finally) that they will ask for it back if they are cold. Also getting them to lay up with skins etc rather than a bulky coat when we are going on long walks works better as they feel free. Next time just say 'okay but if you start to feel cold it will need to go back on or we will have to go home'.

I have a coat refuser, and I just bring the coat with me and say “tell me when you get cold” and she always does. It’s really not worth having meltdowns over. She’s five she’s not going to freeze to death without telling you that she’s starting to get cold.

If my 5 year old takes his coat off I ask him to put it back on a couple of times, if he then refuses, I tell him fine but he has to carry the coat, and don't complain if he gets cold and wet. At that age I think they can have that tiny bit of autonomy, why not!

I would also have told her to put it back on. And I think you did the right thing by taking her home if she is having a tantrum
about following your instructions. Some things are non negotiable, coats in cold weather is for me. But it’s for you to decide what is/isn’t and as long as you’re consistent with it.

It’s also not entirely true that being cold doesn’t cause illness. When your body temperature is lower your body has to work harder to maintain and it affects the functioning of your immune system, making you vulnerable. I wouldn’t feel bad. I am surprised by all the responses. Let your child have freedom of choice and expression about things yes, but avoiding battles is abit lazy. It’s about being confident in your decisions though.

At 5yo, I always had the attitude that they chose to take it off, then that was their problem if they felt cold.

As adults, dd1 will always take a coat if there's any possibility she might feel cold; dd2 will make a decision based on temperature and how much she doesn't want to carry the coat and ds hasn't bought a coat at all because he's still in shorts and t-shirt despite there being frost on the ground. I don't think he's worn a coat for 5 years or more.
They're all happy. But they learnt what it meant to not have a coat when it was cold by the experience.

It’s not avoiding battles, it’s allowing them to develop confidence in their own autonomy and decision-making abilities, in a situation where it really doesn’t matter whether they wear the coat or not.

The child knows better than the parent if they feel cold or not. A healthy child will not get ill from being a bit cold for a while.

My daughter used to do this, and shiver and shake with cold, but scream and shout about putting it on.
sometimes (top tip) I would put it on her backwards and zip it up so she couldn’t take the bloody thing off

@Minglingpringle They are children and don’t know what’s best for them, it’s a parents job to guide them despite protestation. Everyone on here is acting like she did something wrong when what she did was parent and she shouldn’t second guess herself, as it’s the worst thing you can do, children see lack of confidence and then you have an issue. Children are more at risk of hypothermia than adults as they have less
ability regulate their body temperature, a smaller surface area to their bodies, smaller amounts of subcutaneous fat and an underdeveloped ability to shiver. Just because they don’t feel the cold doesn’t make it not cold out.

Obviously there are plenty of situations where parents need to give confident guidance. It seems you and I disagree about what the best guidance in this situation should be.

I have always been confident that the best policy in this situation is to leave the decision up to my children. It has been a great opportunity to allow them some autonomy. It’s not nice for a child to be controlled in every tiny thing. My children have never got ill as a result and always just put their coat on if they got cold.

This is anecdotal and I’m sure you won’t accept it as proof that going without a coat is harmless. But you haven’t convinced me that it’s harmful either.

I’ve just come away with the impression that you’re an over-anxious fusser.

@Minglingpringle 😂 I’m
not over anxious, quite the opposite and I’m not a fusser. I have four kids 8 and under I don’t have the time to fuss over all of them. I also agree it’s not nice for children to be controlled over tiny things, I just don’t see not wearing a coat on freezing weather as a tiny thing. What I said about confidence in parenting was not in response to you, I know nothing about your situation, it was a general observation/in response to the OP.

I think you have set an expectation OP which you should feel fine to do as a parent. It’s not nice to have to see your child upset but when two people disagree that’s what happens and it will always happen with kids. If you know there is nothing wrong with the coat etc and you have listened to your child’s reasoning too so they feel heard , it’s fine to say no this is what I expect in cold weather. In future your daughter will know she is expected to wear her coat in cold weather and she will do so because she won’t want the alternative of going home.

I know you weren’t responding to me. I was trying to make the point that we agree on the fact that OP should be confident when she guides the children.

What we disagree on is what guidance she should give.

You believe that a child going without a coat in cold weather will make them unwell, whereas I believe it won’t and that the unhappiness she is causing everybody by insisting on it is unnecessary (and also that the child would probably put their coat on when they got cold anyway if she avoided making a hoo-ha about the whole thing).