5 year old took coat off-what would you have done?

[Swiftschoolpickup]

After school dog walk with my Dd, 5.5. It was cold (v cold) and almost drizzly. She had a long sleeved dress, tights and boots on and her puffa type jacket. All was going well, a nice walk, when Dd says she doesn’t want her coat on and takes it off. I tell her it’s too cold, it’s January and to put it back on, cue almighty meltdown, crying lots and shouting and refusing to put it on. So we walk back to the car to go home, walking past people looking at me like I’m an awful mother.
Dd calmed down later and said sorry, I said she didn’t need to say sorry but explained to her why she needs to wear a coat. She said she didn’t feel free, which I get…
Did I deal with this correctly? Never sure if I’m being too harsh or not firm enough
What would you have done?
Is it normal that she got this upset about it?

She was probably too hot so let her decide if she wants it on again... if she's clearly cold then head home if after 1 ask she says no coat still
Pick your battles

Until my son left juniors he spent every day in shorts regardless of the weather and very rarely a coat (it would have to be pelting down with rain).

Even now he hates being too warm. I think he has a faulty internal thermostat

This comes under the parenting technique I’ve found very useful called, ‘fuck about and find out’. Used when the consequences of ignoring your parents advice have natural consequences that might be unpleasant but are not dangerous.

A child of that age will ask for their coat long before hyperthermia sets in. Pick your battles.

Let her not wear it for a bit? Or if it really was properly Baltic I’d have suggested she cape it up (like Batman. Or Anna from Frozen (or whoever). Or wear it backwards and blow people’s minds. Or set a good example to the dog in case he wanted his coat off too. Distraction and drivel are A* techniques for the small people.

People judging you for having a coatless weeping child either have short memories or empty lives.

I'm with your daughter coats make me feel uncomfortable and restricted.

Layers is the answer, vest, long sleeve top, thick cardigan or jacket with hood, gilet, hat gloves scarf.

Also overheat quickly and hate being too hot just as much as I hate being too cold so taking off a layer at a time is better than no layers at all.

If there was one thing I hated as a child, it was other people ignoring whether I was too cold or too hot and making me wear or not wear clothes.

I cannot count the number of times I was carsick because I was strapped in with my coat on, couldn't take it off, and overheated.

Don't make your kids wear skirts or shorts and socks to school on cold days either. I know that tights and trousers tear at the knees during falls, but having ice block feet all day at school is just so miserable.

May be warmish inland, but on the N. Yorkshire coast my partner, who usually lives in a tshirt and jeans in winter, put on two hoodies, a scarf and his thickest coat to go for a walk yesterday.

My kids are like me and dislike feeling cold, so would hardly ever argue over wearing one. However, when they said they were too warm, I let them take it off and ignored most judgemental looks

I never battle over coats. If I feel I'm getting judged I might loudly ask DC if they want their coats (to a resounding NO) and I then give Judgy the parental shrug.

I've had similar with my kids, but if it's a local walk where it doesn't really matter if they get cold/wet I let them take coat off if they want but they have to carry it. Either they are fine and it never mattered, or they get cold and put it back on.

I think you should have stuck to your guns with expecting the apology though, if you tell them to do something and refuse/have a tantrum about it then I'd want an apology for that.

If she took it off she'd have to carry it.

I thought you were going to say it wasn’t cold enough for Northern kids to need coats, because they’re hardier than softie Southerners!

I agree that you didn't need to argue to make her put on the coat. But there's no need to feel terrible about it.

I think there is an opportunity to discuss this honestly with your daughter and role model to her some really good things. Eg "The other day I wanted to make you wear your coat because I was worried you would feel cold. When I was little I was made to wear my coat so I thought that was the right thing to do. But when I saw how upset you got, I felt upset too. And now I think that you should be able to decide whether you want to wear your coat or not. What do you think?" And if necessary, you can always say a simple sorry.

Pick your battles. She wouldn’t have instantly froze to death and likely would have put it back in if she felt the cold and you shouldn’t care what other people were thinking because it’s none of their business.

My DC take their coats off constantly. I make them wear vests in the winter so at least I know they have another layer on even if they take off their jumpers and coats. Sometimes I let them be cold, sometimes I insist that they keep their coat on or tell them to put the hood on their head and wear the coat like a cape. Or say they don't have to wear it but they do have to carry it and they usually put it back on/wear it cape style as they don't want to carry it. No right or wrong, depends on their mood and mine.

I have had looks from other people before, but it is usually a look of solidarity from other parents whose children also refuse to wear clothes. Don't assume that everyone giving "looks" is judging you negatively, they might just be trying to catch your eye for a conspiratorial eye roll about the struggles of parenthood.

With my preschooler, I tend to feel his skin and insist on a coat only if he feels cold to the touch (rather than just relying on the weather). Kids usually move a lot more than adults outside and if he wants his coat off, nine times out of ten he is actually warm.

It’s difficult knowing what issues to push and when to let them get on with things though!

The North is a big place. We've barely got above freezing here, daughter south of here but still in The North is a couple of degrees "warmer" but still v v cold, sister north of here (in Scotland, in fact) minus figures all day.

I used to hate it when my mother used to bundle me up in a big coat. I just didn't feel the cold, and found a coat cumbersome and I overheated. I wanted to feel the cool, fresh air around me.

If a child is cold, they will soon put their coat back on.

If they want their coat off, let them leave it off. You can decide how hot or cold or uncomfortable someone is.

I run hot, we're allowed to wear shorts at work in the summer, and I'm still wearing them in January! I walked to work yesterday morning with my coat undone and sweating. This is not helped by being pregnant, I feel even warmer than I used to! 🥵

If she wants to take her coat off let her.

My DD (9) went out with shorts on earlier, at her own insistence. Same child doesn't like wearing a coat and often takes it off when we are out. She likes to 'feel free' and doesn't feel the cold when running round outside. If they are feeling cold, they'll put it back on.
I gave up caring what other people think a long time ago (pre coat refusing)

I would have taken the jacket off. Sue can have it back on if and when she gets cold. Puffer jackets if you're active in them feel boiling.

I think best thing is, if she doesn't want to put it on then up to her, if she feels cold again she will ask for it back. I wouldn't worry about other people's opinions, people will always have opions! And none of their business!

Op I gave up the fight over coats, shorts & trousers a while ago. Not worth it. But hey we all fight at some point before we decide it was a pointless battle!

DS1 loves his big winter coat - been thrown in a paddling pool in it in the middle of summer - everyone else was in shorts.

DS2 hates being wrapped up - today went to school in Soft shell, thin fleece and polo and shorts. I'll fight over trousers when it's snowing. First parents night was over the phone - very nervous "Em is there a coat he could have?" - of course it's in his bag - "OH Right" I could here the relief in her voice!

I think she was tired after school and had used up her store of self control.

I wouldn't have made a big deal over the coat - she's spent all day at school following rules, if she's willing to deal with getting cold and wet, then what harm does it do? If she hates it, she can make a different choice about her coat next time.

You didn't do the wrong thing! You had a good reason, with all the colds and sneezing about at the moment. You were right, it was more sensible to keep the coat on... and you stuck to your guns too.
Parenting is a learning curve for both of you ... you've found out there's more than one way of doing things and that a lot of people would have tried a different tack and let her see if she felt cold, so you can try that the next time.

It's harder work to get into an argument...but you didn't know at the time it would cause such a reaction, and so having learned from experience you can try a different approach.

Have faith in yourself and your decisions and don't automatically think you are wrong. Hindsight is great but being reflective and trying to think of better ways to do things in the future is a very good thing as a parent,

Children often don't feel the cold and move more than adults. If my daughter doesn't want to wear a coat, she doesn't wear a coat.