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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone else just generally dislike other people?

204 replies

Inthebleakmidwinter764 · 08/01/2024 19:14

I do. They're either loud or annoying or they ask too many questions or they're rude or demanding or they don't have a concept of personal space. I could go on 🤣

OP posts:
Perfectlystill · 09/01/2024 09:32

I understand it perfectly @Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter - there is a trend to proclaim one's 'introversion' and I find it tiresome.

KimberleyClark · 09/01/2024 09:43

I don’t actually dislike other people but I am happiest when alone or with DH.

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 09/01/2024 09:46

Perfectlystill · 09/01/2024 09:32

I understand it perfectly @Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter - there is a trend to proclaim one's 'introversion' and I find it tiresome.

Introversion was brought into this thread as a straw man to start with. That’s what’s tiresome.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 09/01/2024 10:00

Perfectlystill · 09/01/2024 09:32

I understand it perfectly @Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter - there is a trend to proclaim one's 'introversion' and I find it tiresome.

No, there isn't.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 09/01/2024 10:01

WhatWouldJeevesDo · 09/01/2024 09:46

Introversion was brought into this thread as a straw man to start with. That’s what’s tiresome.

Show quote history

By someone who suggested all introverts were misanthropes....

hallandoates · 09/01/2024 10:07

KissTheRains · 09/01/2024 09:30

I find the conversations around 'Self importance' to be fascinating. It often comes up.

Those with Asocial leanings accuse those without of being 'self important'.
Those more sociable then accuse those less sociable of being 'self important'.

Now to me, with how my brain works, I don't see how those with asocial leanings could be 'self important'

I think of what 'self important' means and some examples of it.

Let's say common ones like:
Parking outside of school, blocking other pavement users or road users, rushing their kid in because they're running late.
Standing in Tesco with a group and chatting away like they're in a pub, blocking the aisle, forcing everyone to go around or move their trollies, moaning and tutting when asked to move.
Groups walking down the pavements, forcing everyone else to walk around them.
Being always late for meetups or other engagements, expecting everyone else to wait.
Swearing in a playground / softplay and insulting a parent for asking them not too.

In these simple and clichéd examples, those people are putting themselves first and some are complaining when another person points out that's it's inconveniencing them or rude.
To me, is self importance is having no comprehension of, or regard for, the impact of their actions on other people. In fact, people that do those things will often accuse the people they're inconveniencing of being 'self important'.

Meanwhile, those of us with asocial leanings, will do best to spend as little time as possible in society and will try to go unnoticed.
It ain't us blocking pavements with cars.. we're the ones parking three streets away and walking in.
It ain't us having a social engagement near the frozen chickens.
It ain't us marching down the towpaths of the local canals and forcing everyone else to move.
It ain't us swearing like a pissed up trawlerman on a layover with a pocket full of wages and a skinful of ale.

Next time you're out in the world, ask yourselves honestly, how often you consider your impact on other people.
when you're in a shop?
parking a car?
Just walking about?

If you rarely or never consider your impact... Chances are...
You're the fuckers that piss us asocial types off..

Ttfn have a great Tuesday.

Incredible 'welcome to my twisted mind' energy

betterangels · 09/01/2024 10:08

Blahblahbatshit · 08/01/2024 22:37

I can't stand people. They're mostly OK on a personal level but in crowds or just being around when I'm out and about they make me want to live on an island of literally a few people.

This is how I feel.

AngryBird6122 · 09/01/2024 10:10
angry the grinch GIF

this is how I feel

KissTheRains · 09/01/2024 10:13

hallandoates · 09/01/2024 10:07

Incredible 'welcome to my twisted mind' energy

Show quote history

Yes, as mentioned above in my previous post on this thread, I have SPD, not usually referred to as 'twisted mind'

Do you tell those with bipolar that their mind is 'twisted' do you think they may find that offensive?

Random30 · 09/01/2024 10:27

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 09/01/2024 09:02

It isn't stewing in your own bile if you are simply expressing how annoying it is to be drained by people - unfortunately daily life, work, travel etc can be exhausting for a non-people person, and it is helpful to get it out, so to speak.

As for extroverts understanding introverts, of course some do, but some of the comments suggest that many on here do not (through choice or something else).

Edited
Show quote history

Have you noticed anything that might suggest to you the same lack of understanding might be reciprocated. If for example there were sentiments expressed of how offense breathing is, or speaking making you an empty vessel; or ‘better to be thought a fool than to speak aloud and leave no doubt’ ; words like vacuous/small talk being boring.
Do you think the bile of those sentiments doesn’t ooze out of every (oh the horror) interaction.

The answer is -yes it does.

There are a lot of people who think misanthropy is a moral virtue: it absolutely is not.
Finding travel exhausting in no way makes anyone special; no one likes it really- it’s just that some of us can choose to be pleasant, and choose to take it in our stride. The sulky, over-anxious, eye-rolling performative yoga breathing on the bus to the plane is actually unnecessary.

Jasmin1971 · 09/01/2024 10:37

I think kindly of other people. I care that they are happy and I am never rude to them. I just don't want to be around them. I find social interaction with anyone very draining, and I rarely find people with whom I have much in common. I wish I was different but hey, I'm a massive introvert and I can't help what I am.

The world seems to be built for extraverted people. Even counsellors and other mental health advice services often resort to phrases like " you should get out more, socialise it would help your mental health". To which I often think, "why can't you just leave me alone and be a bit more quiet and less intrusive?"

justaboutdonenow · 09/01/2024 13:14

Naptrappedmummy · 08/01/2024 20:39

Noooo they’re not, they’re much better, and cleverer as well. Deep and introverted, so they don’t waste time on the basic people they are unfairly surrounded by.

Show quote history

Well, you certainly put across an excellent argument as to why introverts are so selective about who we waste our energy on.

gannett · 09/01/2024 13:19

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 09/01/2024 09:13

Ah right, so you are basically judging others by how you would like to be - that's fair enough, but it doesn't mean your way is the only way. I am happy you are happy with where you are at, and can reflect because we all need to do that at times.

Edited
Show quote history

It's a bit more than that - the intense misanthropy on this thread isn't just maladjusted for the individual concerned but it's toxic more generally, and antithetical to the kind of society and community I want to live in. Which is something I also remind myself of, when I feel like I hate everyone.

justaboutdonenow · 09/01/2024 13:21

KissTheRains · 09/01/2024 09:30

I find the conversations around 'Self importance' to be fascinating. It often comes up.

Those with Asocial leanings accuse those without of being 'self important'.
Those more sociable then accuse those less sociable of being 'self important'.

Now to me, with how my brain works, I don't see how those with asocial leanings could be 'self important'

I think of what 'self important' means and some examples of it.

Let's say common ones like:
Parking outside of school, blocking other pavement users or road users, rushing their kid in because they're running late.
Standing in Tesco with a group and chatting away like they're in a pub, blocking the aisle, forcing everyone to go around or move their trollies, moaning and tutting when asked to move.
Groups walking down the pavements, forcing everyone else to walk around them.
Being always late for meetups or other engagements, expecting everyone else to wait.
Swearing in a playground / softplay and insulting a parent for asking them not too.

In these simple and clichéd examples, those people are putting themselves first and some are complaining when another person points out that's it's inconveniencing them or rude.
To me, is self importance is having no comprehension of, or regard for, the impact of their actions on other people. In fact, people that do those things will often accuse the people they're inconveniencing of being 'self important'.

Meanwhile, those of us with asocial leanings, will do best to spend as little time as possible in society and will try to go unnoticed.
It ain't us blocking pavements with cars.. we're the ones parking three streets away and walking in.
It ain't us having a social engagement near the frozen chickens.
It ain't us marching down the towpaths of the local canals and forcing everyone else to move.
It ain't us swearing like a pissed up trawlerman on a layover with a pocket full of wages and a skinful of ale.

Next time you're out in the world, ask yourselves honestly, how often you consider your impact on other people.
when you're in a shop?
parking a car?
Just walking about?

If you rarely or never consider your impact... Chances are...
You're the fuckers that piss us asocial types off..

Ttfn have a great Tuesday.

This, 100%

HighlyConfusedIndividual · 09/01/2024 13:54

As a natural introvert I've always liked people in small doses but I've always needed alone time much more than others. However as I'm heading towards menopause, I'm afraid my like for others has got less and less. Due to a combination of bad circumstances and hormones, I feel most people are fake, disingenuou s, self absorbed and in the worst cases, actively nasty. I don't trust anymore. I used to take people at their word but experience has taught me, to scratch beneath the veneer and often their intentions aren't so honourable.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 09/01/2024 13:59

Random30 · 09/01/2024 10:27

Have you noticed anything that might suggest to you the same lack of understanding might be reciprocated. If for example there were sentiments expressed of how offense breathing is, or speaking making you an empty vessel; or ‘better to be thought a fool than to speak aloud and leave no doubt’ ; words like vacuous/small talk being boring.
Do you think the bile of those sentiments doesn’t ooze out of every (oh the horror) interaction.

The answer is -yes it does.

There are a lot of people who think misanthropy is a moral virtue: it absolutely is not.
Finding travel exhausting in no way makes anyone special; no one likes it really- it’s just that some of us can choose to be pleasant, and choose to take it in our stride. The sulky, over-anxious, eye-rolling performative yoga breathing on the bus to the plane is actually unnecessary.

Show quote history

I haven't suggested any of the things you've written there.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 09/01/2024 14:01

Jasmin1971 · 09/01/2024 10:37

I think kindly of other people. I care that they are happy and I am never rude to them. I just don't want to be around them. I find social interaction with anyone very draining, and I rarely find people with whom I have much in common. I wish I was different but hey, I'm a massive introvert and I can't help what I am.

The world seems to be built for extraverted people. Even counsellors and other mental health advice services often resort to phrases like " you should get out more, socialise it would help your mental health". To which I often think, "why can't you just leave me alone and be a bit more quiet and less intrusive?"

Are you me?
I completely agree.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 09/01/2024 14:06

I do like socialising - and make an effort to keep in touch with people but since lockdown I've become so much more used to interaction with others being online / digital. I spend a lot, lot more time with either my own company or just with DH. I'm happy that way day to day but would hate to never have proper physical contact with people .

therealcookiemonster · 09/01/2024 14:09

I only like people that have four legs.... and fur

justaboutdonenow · 09/01/2024 15:15

therealcookiemonster · 09/01/2024 14:09

I only like people that have four legs.... and fur

Four legged with fur, or two legged with feathers.

therealcookiemonster · 09/01/2024 15:17

justaboutdonenow · 09/01/2024 15:15

Four legged with fur, or two legged with feathers.

Show quote history

After watching the infamous hitchcock movie about them, I am a little suspicious of two legged feathery people.... but they are lovely from a safe distance.

malificent7 · 09/01/2024 15:19

People can be bloody awful to each other....even close family members. I find social intersactions hard work and loathe the competetive one-uomanshio thay can prevail. Love my colleaguea atm though.

I am getting assessed for asd so maybe it's that.

gannett · 09/01/2024 15:40

justaboutdonenow · 09/01/2024 15:15

Four legged with fur, or two legged with feathers.

Show quote history

I love birds and put an inordinate amount of effort into feeding them through the winter but let's be real they're bigger arseholes than people. I've seen their fisticuffs in the garden.

justaboutdonenow · 09/01/2024 15:42

therealcookiemonster · 09/01/2024 15:17

After watching the infamous hitchcock movie about them, I am a little suspicious of two legged feathery people.... but they are lovely from a safe distance.

Show quote history

That's understandable.

I love my hens, but I've no doubt they'd happily eat me if they could😬

justaboutdonenow · 09/01/2024 15:44

malificent7 · 09/01/2024 15:19

People can be bloody awful to each other....even close family members. I find social intersactions hard work and loathe the competetive one-uomanshio thay can prevail. Love my colleaguea atm though.

I am getting assessed for asd so maybe it's that.

Best of luck with your diagnosis, I got mine 2 years ago, not soon enough to avoid a lot of the damage done over the years but it did help me understand why I find most people so draining.