DH moaning that I go to bed early

[ItsDee]

So I usually go to bed at around 8pm most nights as I am just so exhausted with work and the children, I work 3 days per week and children are 6 and 3. I never know when my husband is coming home from work as it varies from 18:00-8, he leaves in the morning before nursery/school drop offs etc so the morning falls on me too. He keeps moaning that he just sits downstairs by himself most nights but I really cant help it I am exhausted, anybody else feel this way?

Your DH isn't great, that's definitely part of the issue.

That being said, I was a single mum (with zero help from the father) so everything also fell to me. But I still wasn't in bed at 8. That is very early for someone of your age. I don't think it would do any harm to get checked out.

I have two kids, full time job and am in bed by 10pm

However, when the kids were the age of the op's, it was not unusual for me to bed in bed by 8pm

Wait. SO why do many commenters think it's ok for him to leave her alone with the children in the evenings so he can do sports, but she can't get some much needed sleep in the evenings? Especially when he 'doesn't wake up' and has NEVER done night duty with the children and still isn't contributing to their care at night when they are coming in to see the OP.

Does he not see the hypocrisy in moaning that you're in bed in the evenings when he's off every weekend playing sport or going out leaving you with the kids?

Why isn't the sport and going out limited to allow for family time? So he can cook and you have a lie in in the mornings?

So if you go to bed at 8pm, how many hours sleep
do you estimate you need?

Im with everyone else saying get checked. Could be a simple fix to this and both low vit d and iron affect your mood as well.

If everything is fine, I’d say it’s chronic stress. Never underestimate how much stress affects your physical health.

How is your health otherwise? Healthy weight? Decent diet? Presume you don’t get chance to get much exercise. Do you experience many aches and pains? Headaches etc? You are very young to be feeling so tired in my opinion.

i think thr ops posts initially misled as she was saying exhaustion and heavy periods, now she just lays there awake and goes to bed to relax. Which is very different and not something to see a doc about. She could chose to be up. She chooses to go to bed and avoid her husband,

Sorry, meant to ask how many hours sleep do you actually get.

Glad you're getting yourself checked out, OP. My DH worked (more than) full-time hours and also did a post graduate degree when our family were small. I think I felt physically tired more than anything else and to be honest I craved putting my pjs on so I could start to relax even if things still needed doing. However, I'd still stay up until around 10pm.

If the GP doesn't find anything wrong, maybe you could try staying up - if you're that tired sometimes you'll fall asleep, but at least you can both have some time together.

I think you need to talk to your DH about the balance of your relationship.

If he wants you to be around more in the evenings, he needs to do less sports and be around to bedtimes, dinner etc.

But this is his manipulation tactic. Make you feel guilty about the rest you need after work/kids so you don't stop him from going out and playing sport on the weekends, leaving you no child free time.

I work from home on Sundays and Yesterday he was outside sorting out his car whilst I was dealing with all the demands from the kids, I told him he needed to take them out as I was working, he then pointed in my face and was saying that he told me to work elsewhere, I pushed his finger out of my face and he then called me a M F C** and got really angry that I moved his hand out of the way and said that I hit him when I didnt, I clearly shoved his hand out of my face. I am so fed up

Exactly this!
All the current evidence supports the need for a good nights sleep.
if you’re getting up in the night, you will need that extra time.
I feel so much better in the day if I have a good sleep. My husband and I go for long walks at the weekend. No need to stay up and watch TV.

Oh OP

He's abusive.

Your husband sounds horrendous.

Was he like this before children?

Op, I think everyone is going to respond based on you being exhausted, heavy periods etc and they think you need to go to bed this early to sleep. Hence why folks think see a doctor. Lots of folks don’t read the thread,for updates.

as it’s not the case you need to go to bed as you’re literally exhausted just you like doing it to relax. And clearly to avoid spending time with your own husband, I am not sure you’re going to get what you wish from the thread.

I was the one made to feel guilty for moving hitting his finger out of the way and I genuinely felt bad for it

I'm exhausted by then too but then I work full time and I'm 62. I dont think it's normal for a young person to be that tired.i find if you can stay up a bit longer you usually get a second wind.

You have bigger problems than bedtime, OP. Your husband is not only lazy and self centred, he's abusive too.

You need to leave him. What good is he doing for you anyway? You're basically alone in life already with the way he treats you.

Ok, I can see why you do go to bed and ignore him, you are in a really bad marriage, maybe start a thread, about that, and how you go to bed at 8 to avoid him, just lay there. You’re clearly very unhappy. As would I be.

Oh OP - that sucks. What a jerk.

I start work (from home) at 5am, so I go to bed at the same time as the kids (8:30, normally I'm asleep by 930, or earlier if I've been busy) but my kids are a bit older, so rarely up in the night, and I'm a lone parent, so no-one to whinge.

Which he used to, about me going to bed by 10, whilst also leaving all the night wakings and mornings to me - only from about 6am at the time, rolling out of bed as I packed them in the car to take them to school about 8am, and only doing bedtime if I reminded him.. So there's a lot of it about.

I have sole care now, he can't be bothered, even though they're tweens and easy, so whilst it's still all on me, it's much better without the downward pull of him.

HAVING SAID ALL THAT! I also feel a lot less tired now I make sure I take Iron/Vit D/Calcium/B12, and a full multi-vit just in case - I presume I was deficient in one/all of those.

This.

My kids are teens now but I’m still in bed at 8pm - long before they are! But I’m up for 5am at the latest and I’m better with a full night’s shut-eye. I’m perfectly healthy and there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, I just need my sleep.

Oh for fucks fucking sake. Another one. What a surprise. Here's your problem, right here. Your husband is selfish, thoughtless and lazy.

An adult feeling the need to go to bed at 8pm every night due to exhaustion doesn't seem particularly normal.

Hmm yeah I don't think the bedtime is the issue here. Unless you both want to save the marriage, I would suggest you go your separate ways and you get custody - doesn't sound like he'd fight for it anyway! Would be easier than having an unhelpful twat to deal with on top of the kids.

Sorry op just read the rest of your posts and this clearly isn’t about your bedtime. He comes and goes as he pleases leaving you to pick up everything and then complains that you’re not full of energy when he gets home. He’s a knobber and you can do better. Please stop feeling guilty and start feeling the appropriate emotion - bloody anger at the twat.