DH moaning that I go to bed early

[ItsDee]

So I usually go to bed at around 8pm most nights as I am just so exhausted with work and the children, I work 3 days per week and children are 6 and 3. I never know when my husband is coming home from work as it varies from 18:00-8, he leaves in the morning before nursery/school drop offs etc so the morning falls on me too. He keeps moaning that he just sits downstairs by himself most nights but I really cant help it I am exhausted, anybody else feel this way?

Oh op I'm so sorry. You have done nothing wrong.

Remember a LOT of people done read your updates. Ignore the votes.

what time are you up in the morning? Parenting is exhausting I find but also you could be low in mood/burnt out? . I’m burnt out with parenting combined with ft work at moment so can easily fall asleep at 9pm if I lie down / sit on sofa to have a moments peace after the children’s bedtime. Youngest (3) up af 5.30-6.30am and older one (7) now not asleep till 8.30-9pm. Both of us work full time. I can stay up for a meal out or a deadline but if I relax I’m asleep 😴 . My OH always been one with higher sleep requirement while I could burn candle at both ends but recently I’m as bad / worse as him

What time do you get up in the morning?

8pm is really early! I'm 45 have two kids (5 and 8) and go to bed at midnight and I am up at 7am so get 7hrs sleep.

I can't imagine a healthy adult needs that much sleep every single night. Could you stay up till 10 a few times a week?

I think everyone is different with how much they need sleep. I used to go to bed at midnight and wake up at 5am with no problems. But that was 15 years ago when I was late 30s. Now I'm sleeping by 8:30/900 and I sleep til around 6. I'm the only one in my family that sleeps that much.

I've just seen your updates... Maybe the thread should have been about how your husband treats you and how un equal things are than what I thought the thread was about. This situation sounds awful!

OP, people are not reading your updates at all. Please do not listen to those telling you to devote yet more time to your abusive husband. You have done nothing wrong and your exhaustion is completely understandable. I really hope you do get some real life support.

You go to bed at 8 because it's the only time you have alone away from your abusive husband. You need to make plans to address his behaviour towards you. Either make clear that you won't tolerate verbal and physical abuse, or leave.

He really needs to step up by not working 12 hours a day. As much as going to sleep at 8am might not be acceptable, neither is leaving home at 8am and coming back at 8pm! He needs to work fewer hours so he can be a dad, work on being a better husband, and less of a stressypants.

8pm is early, even for me. I'd say you need to get your bloods checked. As for the massive dripfeed, he's an arsehole of epic proportions. You have choices either you sit down and take about how things need to change or you'll walk and get some form of mediation or you dump the sorry excuse of a dh.

You shouldn't need randoms on the internet to tell you his behaviour is unnaceptable.Get your health inorder first. Then reach out to friends and or family for support.

Stop feeling guilty!! Your Dh can get to fuck. I suggest you tell him you’re getting your bloods checked and a decent husband would have been worried about you not pissed off wiht you, but if you can get your energy levels fixed you still don’t want to see him in the evenings until he can be bothered with helping at home occasionally, thats your time to yourself since he gets plenty of it with his hobbies and season tickets etc. He doesn’t take the kids to work, he should take the kids while you work and he should be home some evenings for dinner bed bath with his kids (I suspect he could if he wanted to)

It sounds normal to me. Some people just need more sleep.
Some are fine with 7 or 8 hours, some need 9 or 10.
What other people do, might not be right for you.
So do what's right for YOU!

Definitely get rid of the baggage that is your husband! That will help.

bashing his hand away when he aggressively poked u in the face was a natural normal reaction and anyone saying differently has never experienced it! It is normal to deflect something in your face! So get to the gp for a checkup but more importantly decide if your dh can change? Wants to change? or if it’s a loosing battle? Good luck!!

Well I'm not normal either by the sounds of it as
I go to bed then too.

BUTTT I have just started taking Vit D and the difference it has made to my energy levels is amazing.

The early days are really hard. 6&3 is still young so I'm not surprised you're knacked.

Get some Vit D. I promise you'll see a difference.

By all means get checked out if you want to rule things out but honestly for someone getting up early, getting disturbed by kids through the night and having a busy day this doesn’t sound too unusual and probably only a tad on the early side.

I get up between 5.30 and 6am, I gym two morning a week, walk the dog and work full time in a manual job, whilst there are some days I can be ok until 10.30pm I’m also frequently knackered and go to bed earlier, its also not uncommon if I put something on the tv to watch in the evening if I try push myself for me to fall asleep on the sofa by 9pm then wake up about 1am grouchy and sore because my sofa isn’t very comfy and then going up to bed wakes me up too much to get back to sleep for ages and then I struggle to get up! Sun & Mon I was in bed by 8pm, last night I went to bed early but pushed myself to 11pm reading and really struggled to get up this morning. I recon my ideal bedtime is 9-10pm.

My friend / colleague gets up at 5am and goes to bed by 9pm if she has work the next day and has no kids.

I do wonder for those staying up later how old they are, how busy they are in the day and whether they get an undisturbed nights sleep to compensate.

Another day, another mn thread about a man who has shifted blame from his own shitty behaviour to that of his partners.

Op going to bed early isn't a crime. You're up early, up with the dc and we all have different needs when it comes to sleep. When my dc were little, I slept when I could, and if that meant going to bed when the dc did, that's what I did.

I find it so selfish of your dh to do his clubs, socialise with work, give you no indication of when you'll be home but expect you to sit and wait for him - it's beyond selfish - you are not there for his own use, to be around when he is and sit and wait. You are a person.

As for whacking his hand away which he seems to think isn't ok, cause and effect, he was trying to bully you by putting his finger in your face and touching you. But he's now changing the narrative that YOU are abusive - that couldn't be further from the truth and it is a way to try and paint himself as the victim to get you to toe the line.

He is not a nice man, he doesn't care about you and only sees you as someone who is there for his own entertainment.

Read the OPs posts - this isn’t really a post about bedtimes

OP don’t have counselling with this man he sounds abusive. Speak to Women’s Aid and get some advice. A few basic questions
Do you walk on eggshells?
Are you needs met?
Do you have a equal voice?
Do you have equal money?
Do you have equal leisure time?
Are you ever scared to confront him?

Edited duplicate post

I just read another thread, regarding the husband, going to bed early every night, and he was getting slated, men are really hated in this forum.

cry me a river

this really isnt about bedtimes

can we have a note at the top regarding the updates people arent reading the updates and the husband is absuive

not at all, would you be ok with anyone else pointing their finger at you and speaking to you like you are a naughty child.

Please look into mentally abusive relationships ( some partners will disable your ability to think about leaving them, by manipulating the situation so you feel you cannot live without them - honesty you would be better off that way, at least then you would not feel guilty for being tired )

worried about you ...
hope you are ok

she did not hit him, she moved his finger out of her face that he was poking whilst swearing at her and saying he told her to work somewhere else.

61 work 5 days with 4 under 5 from 7.15 to 6 then training and paperwork been doing it 30+ years go to bed around midnight up through night care for 2 disabled relatives

Why would he have to stare at the walls? Presumably he has access to books, a phone, a television set. Toddlers need constant entertainment. Adults shouldn't.