DH moaning that I go to bed early

[ItsDee]

So I usually go to bed at around 8pm most nights as I am just so exhausted with work and the children, I work 3 days per week and children are 6 and 3. I never know when my husband is coming home from work as it varies from 18:00-8, he leaves in the morning before nursery/school drop offs etc so the morning falls on me too. He keeps moaning that he just sits downstairs by himself most nights but I really cant help it I am exhausted, anybody else feel this way?

Except all of that hadn’t happened when OP hit his hand out of the way.

Go back and check the order.

OP told him to take the kids out as she was working, he pointed his finger and said he told her to work elsewhere. She hit his hand out of the way.

THEN he swore & got angry at being hit out of the way.

Again, need to be careful how anything is justified. If I hit my husband and after being hit he shouts at me, I can’t sit there and say “see it’s okay that I hit him first because he shouted at me afterward being hit”. Of course my husband would be angry if I hit him.

The bottom line is neither person is particularly in the right and at the point you have this many issues and don’t spend any time together anyway, it’s time to call it a day.

No, you haven't done anything wrong. That's part of his abusive, narcissistic way of making it out to be all your fault.

All those telling her to go to GP and feeling sorry for poor husband sat in on his own (when it suits) should be ashamed.

He's worn you down and it isn't going to get better.

If someone was jabbing his finger in my face, I would absolutely push it aside. I can't see that the OP was wrong to do that. Her husband seems aggressive and abusive in a variety of ways and he is doing his best to make her feel at fault. A classic tactic by abusers.

In the context given here, it sounds more like a wave of the hand to push it away than a full on slap. The word hit is quite emotive but could he taken a number of ways.

Either way, it's aggressive and threatening behaviour and a calm, measured response to that is not alway going to be what happens. Even from the best of us.

Ooh look another man child who thinks he doesn’t have to tend to his child’s needs during the night. Why do women continue to put up this?!?!?! He can get fucked moaning about you going to bed early.. I bloody would aswell if it was me being woken during the night. What a prick.

I was ready to say YABU. That being exhausted at 8pm is not normal and that never spending any time as a couple just watching a TV series or sharing a takeaway sounds miserable.

However with your updates, I feel like the real story is that you want to avoid spending time with you DH and tbh I don't blame you. He sounds awful.

Leave this c**t OP. Then I guarantee you'll not need to be in bed by 8pm

I just knew he’d be an abusive useless cunt. No wonder you’re done in.

Leave the nasty piece of shit.

This is so true.

I'll raise a glass to you op at 9pm on your first night of freedom and you'll be wide awake and smiling.

This is not normal op, it’s abuse. He is the one that should feel bad. Don’t tolerate being treated like dirt!

Read her updates, then talk about transference

I go to bed when i want get up when i want one of the many perks of being single.

Married or partner sort problems out together problems one wouldnt have if single.

Sorry - seen updates now. Take this back - but would still recommend a check up with the GP. (Can’t delete it :( )

OP, please leave this horrible man. He's abusive.

Have you read all the OP's posts? She has stated clearly that she does literally everything for the children as well as all the cooking, housework, school runs, etc. And her husband absolutely is abusive. Read the post that describes what he did to her yesterday.

ETA: Sorry, cross posts.

@MercyIsEliminated yes, have now. Would delete the post but can’t see how?

OP: I told him he needed to take them out as I was working, he then pointed in my face [OP later asserts that he touched her face] and was saying that he told me to work elsewhere, I pushed his finger out of my face and he then called me a M F C and got really angry that I moved his hand out of the way and said that I hit him when I didnt, I clearly shoved his hand out of my face.

It's only in later posts that OP says "hit", I suspect because his conditioning of her to take the blame for his anger has kicked in.

This man:

• got so close to his wife to tell her off that he was able to touch her face
• wagged his finger at her from this very close distance, touching her face
• swore at her with children in the house when she moved his hand off her face

If an angry man had got right up in my space like that, I'd have been very scared. That's close enough for him to punch and strangle me. A decent guy doesn't intimidate women like this.

To put it another way, his conduct towards her was already intimidating and abusive before she pushed his hand away.

Men who intimidate women like this, are bullies who know exactly what they are doing.

They know full well they're scaring you, but don't 'technically' do anything so that your story seems innocuous and that you're being dramatic when it's repeated back afterwards.

'He wagged his finger at me.'

No. He used his physical presence to scare the shit out of you.

It happened to me a few years ago with a customer. He hovered over me, got totally in my space and spoke in a horrible menacing tone. Anyway I was shaking afterwards and went to tell my colleagues what was happening and calm down. At first I recounted he'd said something like 'don't you fucking dare' or similar or just something totally aggressive. When I calmed down a bit I realised he hadn't actually said anything 'wrong' at all, no swearing, nothing. But it somehow felt like he had. If that makes sense.

Anyway, he knew full well what he was doing. And it was unkind and nasty. Like your husband op.

It's called DARVO tactics. Google it. It might resonate with a lot of behaviours of his.

This. Has he voiced any concerns about your health? Offered to lighten your load? If not he's a knob

I'm fuming on your behalf. What a fucking Prince 😡

1. Sleep train your children
2. get your bloods done: iron, vitamin D, thyroid, Folate, B12
3. your symptoms may be a sign of sleep apnoea

I voted you are not being unreasonable because you can't help how you feel but this isn't right - you need to go and see your doctor.