DH moaning that I go to bed early

[ItsDee]

So I usually go to bed at around 8pm most nights as I am just so exhausted with work and the children, I work 3 days per week and children are 6 and 3. I never know when my husband is coming home from work as it varies from 18:00-8, he leaves in the morning before nursery/school drop offs etc so the morning falls on me too. He keeps moaning that he just sits downstairs by himself most nights but I really cant help it I am exhausted, anybody else feel this way?

I think that's pretty early and no surprised that he feels this way, I would too. I work 4 days a week and have a 2yr old and a 13yr old. I get both boys organised and out the door in the morning but my OH get up and takes the dog out, I do the nursey pick up. Youngest son gets up at 7.30 am same time as me. I'M also a Scout Leader so OH has both boys on his own one night a week to do bed time. My normal bedtime varies between 9.30pm if I'm really tired and 11pm, which I think is pretty normal. But I no longer commute and work from home which has been a game changer for me. I've gained 2 hrs back on my day. I would certainly look at testing iron levels etc but also trying to make things easier at night, could you batch cook etc. Neither of you are being unreasonable but you have to look at the division of labour and looking at ways to make life easier for yourself. But spending your nights alone is rubbish and he's right to want to spend time with you.

Exactly this. Why on earth would you want to spend time with a selfish, abusive twat? You are doing everything alone already OP, if you left you’d have the freedom to do what you like without being criticised for it.

He's an arsehole OP.

I think it’s worth getting a health check at the GP just in case but I have to say some people just aren’t night owls, others aren’t early risers. Just do what you need to do. Have to say if I could be in bed for 8, I would be doing it. I work FT and have just the one DC who won’t sleep until late for no chance of a 8pm bedtime for me.

I love an early night and am often in bed by 8. My kids finally now sleep through at 8 and 12 and only need me if they're poorly or had nightmares. But this is v recent. I reckon I've got another 5 years of early nights to catch up on all the sleep I've missed in the last 12 years. But luckily for me I'm single and don't have to perform for a man in the evenings as well so can please myself.

This!!!

Your dh is taking the piss!!

I’ve got a baby and 3 yo and I like to be in bed by 9-9:30. I don’t think 8pm is cray early but I wouldn’t expect it every single night

This. It must be a very lonely life for your husband.

@Mikimoto And let’s hope OPs kid’s didn’t witness their Dad pointing his finger on their Mums face and calling her a MF cunt eh?

Though I have now just caught up with the rest of your posts and can see why you are so exhausted. Your husband sounds abusive and selfish. Being tired is the least of your problems sadly

Oh If only you'd read the OPs posts.....

I think 8pm is very early for an adult to go to bed every day (not the odd day of going to bed early when you’re feeling knackered or ill). I dont know how we could get everything else done if I went to bed at that time. We need our evenings to get things done around the house, sorting laundry, a quick bit of housework, homework with the kids, going in the bath/shower etc. As the kids get to the older years in Primary, they start to stay up later too and I do think it would be odd for them if you still went to bed at 8pm.

Definately look at the underlying cause of being so tired by 8pm. Ideally we would all get 8 hours sleep, but I think I read the average is 6-7 hours for most people.

YANBU for everything. He's an arsehole. I'm sorry you have to go through this with such small kids to take care of. Be strong.

Underlying cause of her 8pm bedtime is her abusive husband

@sandrapinchedmysandwich@Florin have you actually read any of OPs updates??

See my second post one below my first. I corrected what I wrote after seeing there was more than 1 post by the op

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. You did absolutely nothing wrong by batting his hand away, you showed incredible restraint. Before the weekend, has he done anything like this before? Is he normally aggressive? Prone to name calling? How long has this been going on?

You said you couldn't talk to friends or family about this. Why not? Do you have anyone you could talk to and confide in? Please come back and talk here just to get it all out as people will listen and may be in a position to help and advise.

You are not alone 💐

Wss

8pm is really early, unless you’re up at 5am every day then I’d see the GP for bloods.

Just read the rest of your posts, OP. Leave this man.

I don't think it's that surprising you are that tired when you are literally doing all the childcare plus your part time job. It is hard going. I am similar in working 3 days but I have a little support in the mornings and then other half is home in the evening. I am pretty exhausted most days myself so can see you would be.

If you're exhausted, you're exhausted. But if your husband is complaining that he never sees you, there's a potential marriage problem brewing. You both should sit down and see what you can do - extra help, grandparents, who does which chores, who puts the kids to the bed when he's home by 6pm, etc. And maybe try to aim to stay up until 8:30pm?, Or at least 30min after he gets home mon-fri? Just so you can talk to each other about each other's day. And maybe let the kids spend one night a week sleeping in your bed as a reward for not waking you the other 6 nights? I'd be more concerned if you genuinely believe the 6 yr old frequently has bad dreams. Troubled and/or anxious minds have regular bad dreams. It's more likely to be attention-seeking, hopefully, which you can manage.

Deffo a marriage problem..... read the OPs posts?

If I was OP I'd see the solicitor for a divorce!