Overheard in the office, what men really think

[josephinebonaparted]

A post from earlier thread got me thinking - the poster said she overheard men in the office saying that they DO hear the baby crying, but are only pretending to be asleep, even the ‘nice’ men. Another one from a few days ago was a poster being shocked at the things a group of ‘nice’ men where saying in a pub once their wives left.

It reminded me of when I was younger (and a lot less wise), I saw men in their 40/50s flirting with female clients at work (client facing role) and taking them out for cocktails and dinners, and literally stepping out of the bar to tell their wives that they were busy at work and can’t come home for bedtime. I was gobsmacked - one of them had a 2 week old baby!

Is this normal? If you work in a male dominated environment, is it really the case that guys don’t respect their partners like this?

I just realised that I only made a passing comment regarding the leering and sleazy behaviour because I became so immune to it, but looking back, some of it was awful.

It's quite frightening that we as women can end up minimising it to protect ourselves.

All of the men and fathers I know are not like this. I'm mid 30s as are they.

Are you a man?
Do you sit with the other men?

Are you a woman?
If you are, don't be surprised if the men you know are only the versions they show you when you're around.

This is interesting

I just casually asked my H if he refers to me and dc by name at work

AND

HE DOES NOT 😳😳

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

@Ayse1 You weren't initially clear.

Most people want to separate home and work life which id why they don’t mention partners/kids names at work. Behave yourselves people. Also revealing too much can lead to identity theft.

Did he also want to live in Wensleydale?? Sounds like someone I once knew 😂

It's an extreme but along the lines of who is commiting the violent and sex offending crimes...recently there was a thread on here where some news articles were posted about men drugging their wives and inviting other men to have sex with them. 2 cases, in France and Japan I think. And I thought, how does that happen? How the fuck does that conversation even get off the ground? Not only does the first man feel it's acceptable to voice the idea of "I'm going to drug my wife and rape her," but, instead of the others immediately ending the friendship and reporting him to the police, they join in. I've thought the same about paedophile rings and grooming gangs, especially pre Internet.

What's the odds of finding other men who think it's all OK and want to do it too? How many men were invited to join in and declined but didn't report it? I'd love to think it's extremely rare but then I think of stuff like the rapey WhatsApp chats of those rugby / football players and I wonder. And I feel a bit sick.

There are specialist groups on the internet, especially the "dark net", of men who commit this kind of crime.

Who would agree to a relationship with a man who behaved like that?
Nothing so revolting as someone with no moral backbone.

A huge part of me thinks that it also depends on the wife that they have at home. It’s very tough for women - after we have babies we are so vulnerable and take on lots of the responsibilities and for some of us our self esteem goes down a little and I think it’s so easy for a man to take the piss - and to continue to if they haven’t been checked. sometimes people are from families that truly believe in “boys will be boys” and let men get away with all sorts. I’d say so much of it comes down to society.

I don’t think all men are bad. I’ve had some amazing convos with men at work that took family time seriously. I also it’s down to industry and how much this “laddish” culture is encouraged.

However I think if both partners have a very open conversation about expectations and the man is part of the “hard work” from the get go - it makes sharing the load much easier. It’s a shame we have to have the convo in the first place.

I do know men that go beyond just “baby sitting“ their own children. I think things are changing and there are more examples of active fatherhood.

Nah, it's never the wife's fault that her husband misbehaves. She's not one of his parents.

@VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia I am not saying that it’s the woman’s fault. I should probably say it’s more about the relationship they have with the person they are with.

For a man (or even if a woman was to step out of line) to behave this way shows that they gave zero respect. Or they feel like they can get away with it.

I had an ex that was “programmed” to believe I, as his partner, should take care of him and cook and clean. That didn’t last long at all. He also spent most of the weekends “out”.

I personally wonder if some of my behaviour alongside the people that bought him up, contributed to him taking the mick. Or would he have been different if I was “stricter”

If you'd been "stricter" he would have called you a nag and used weaponised incompetence to wear you down so that you gave up asking him to help.

Also, it's not your responsibility to train him. He's not a dog or a child and you're not his parent.

@VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia agree. Hence why I left 2 years after.

Oh fgs.

The mental gymnastics some posters such as Westernesse will go to to try and make their (crap, strawman) arguments is truly pathetic.

Just go away - you don’t have a clue what you’re talking about seriously - it’s embarrassing!

I had a friend who was the mistress of a bloke who worked in the City. She was the girlfriend in the penthouse flat he rented in London, the wife and two kids were out in the country and the guy went home to them at weekends.
it was absolutely the norm in his circle, all his mates had a similar set up. they’d all gone to the same famous public school, gone to Oxbridge, joined a city from, joined the Freemasons, married a posh girl and had a girlfriend.
Friend never saw him on weekends, but then she lived in the flat fulltime rent free as the wife never came to London. Not sure how he managed that.
eventually friend got pregnant and he then had two separate families, with the wife not knowing about ( prob suspected) about the 2nd family. Then it all came out and they got divorced. As did most his other friends eventually.

I thought the whole thing was bizarre, like a Jilly Cooper novel but absolutely then norm back in the 90s for that circle.

My director works in our small office with me and 2 other women and he is forever saying he hates being at home, his wife is useless, the kids are a pain, weekends are hellish. We don’t humour it but it’s relentless. Really disappointing & sadly I often imagine my ex husband wasn’t dissimilar

You must know that a middle aged female making sexual remarks about teen boys is as rare as hens teeth? I'm fairly sure there's someone somewhere who could tell a story about a woman cat calling boys in school uniforms from out of a van window if you looked hard enough. But that doesn't make it something 'that women do as well' or that 'we all behave inappropriately at times' like its an equal problem found in both sexes . Your anecdote is a very atypical story, shocking because it's a woman doing it. Barely noteworthy if it were a man.

I worked in a male dominated environment for 15 years and yes it’s true there’s lots of men out there like that.

Not normal and I’ve worked in male dominated companies / industries. Yes it does happen, but I’ve seen women do it too.

No.

What's the cognitive equivalent of "weaponised incompetence" called?

Ah, "malicious compliance".

"Women told men to leave them alone so when a woman is being harassed in real life I'm going to do as women said and leave her alone", yes?

I'm autistic and I can see the malicious compliance here. No "rule" against white knighting (which refers to a male behaviour shown in debates and arguments online) justifies standing by whilst someone threatens or harasses someone else in real life.

You might as well change your username to "RedpilledIncelMale2024" because it's obvious what you are.

I don't refer to my husband by his name at work.
Primarily because he shares a first name with someone in my team so the couple of times I did it caused raised eyebrows before I rapidly clarified.

There used to be a middle aged man who would point out women he “wouldn’t rape” I assume he thought them unattractive, he was absolutely minging himself. This was only a few years ago, so not in the dark ages.

A lot of men are absolutely vile the way they talk about women when they think nobody can hear them. I prefer to call it verbal violence, because you can’t un-hear it and it leaves an impact, even
when it’s not aimed at you personally.
I don’t think some people think of the emotional/mental consequences their words/opinions have on other people. Or how it changes our perception of them.