Overheard in the office, what men really think

[josephinebonaparted]

A post from earlier thread got me thinking - the poster said she overheard men in the office saying that they DO hear the baby crying, but are only pretending to be asleep, even the ‘nice’ men. Another one from a few days ago was a poster being shocked at the things a group of ‘nice’ men where saying in a pub once their wives left.

It reminded me of when I was younger (and a lot less wise), I saw men in their 40/50s flirting with female clients at work (client facing role) and taking them out for cocktails and dinners, and literally stepping out of the bar to tell their wives that they were busy at work and can’t come home for bedtime. I was gobsmacked - one of them had a 2 week old baby!

Is this normal? If you work in a male dominated environment, is it really the case that guys don’t respect their partners like this?

I haven’t really heard this at work, although I have sometimes wondered if my OH had selective hearing when the kids were little. He’s generally pretty great with them but it not good on too little sleep whereas I cope much better.

There are a couple of men at my work who go on about all the night wakings they do and how they’re always the ones up with the kids first thing in the morning. Genuinely don’t know whether I believe them or whether their OHs have pulled an absolute blinder.

It's likely there's an element of observational bias here, if you're on the look out for entitled egotistical men you will notice them a lot more. The relationship board is a good example, going by that the vast majority of men are abusive or cheaters, or both. That's not reflective of real life, people in poor or abusive relationships are more likely to post. So there's an element of self selection on that board. The human brain tends to hang onto negative experiences and truama better than positive ones. Its thought this could be an evolutionary defense mechanism. All these things can add up to something that seems an obvious well evidenced conclusion that is actually erroneous. My stbxh is abusive and so are several of his friends, but i don't think all men or even most men are abusers or cheats, most people are just people, not perfect, not abusive, sometimes nice, sometimes not, muddling their way through.

I find it sad when women blame other women for men's shitty behaviour.

Prepared to be bashed for this but from my experience working with men is a lot calmer than working with women.

A fair few years ago, I worked in a male dominated environment, so much so I was the only female there and it was so refreshing. No bitchiness, no gossiping, no backstabbing. Just a bunch of lovely blokes who were all lovely, family orientated men. Yes I felt intimidated at first but soon realised that was a 'me' issue and the blokes were all genuine nice guys who seemed to be devoted to their family.

It's not the case where I work (NHS). The men are completely respectful and nothing less would be tolerated.

I have not noticed this with male colleagues these days. Those with small children seem to be factoring in pick-ups and childcare, school holidays and unwell children in a way which was just not the case when I had my DD. It just seems different now than when I was younger and in a good way.

Wow you really dont have a clue. Being made to feel worthless and scared is very sad. Blaming victims is very sad. Women suggesting there is any way abused women can stop or change the abuse is very sad.

Admittedly I don't work in an office, but at work I actually find its quite the opposite. All the men seem very complimentary of theor wives

This ties in nicely with the thread a few days ago: What absolutely ridiculous and inconsequential things have put you off a partner? All 40 pages of it!

I've noticed the smooth, highly confident serial cheaters (who sleep through the night) seem to have no shortage of women to cheat with.

I wonder if the men rejected in the other thread would have been a better marriage prospect?

the men who I work with didn’t take any time off at Christmas because they didn’t want to do all the clearing up after Christmas, selfish pricks..
also they way some have spoken about their partners bodies after giving birth really shocked me.

@EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness I do actually 🙄. I’m not talking about domestic abuse ffs, I’m talking about women who don’t expect their husbands to pull their weight at home.

My DH didn’t hear the DC in the night when they were babies, but I am very understanding as I find I can’t ever hear the cat being sick in the night these days 😂
In my experience, a majority of men are misogynistic twats, but by no means all.

Yep I work in the city in financial services in a very male dominated environment and I’m afraid it’s true of SOME. I remember one used to purposely time his exit he would get home after bedtime (he admitted it and was laughing about it). I told him he was a selfish prick. Equally I’ve seen other men finish early because they need to do pick up / get home for bedtime. So not all bad…

Agree with the comments about lots of men cheating. Fuelled by alcohol usually. There’s a fair few women cheating too

Can honestly say all the men I work with in my office are lovely about their wives/ girlfriends. Although we have kind have grown up together as been in the same workplace twenty years.

On work nights out the men who i consider good friends always look out for the ladies in the group. Walking us to a taxi and insisting on giving us the money to get home safe if we are adamant we are walking to save money (Me most times) a man not in our group grabbed one of the younger girls in our group once. The men were straight to her and calling the man out on his behaviour. They are like my protective brothers

@24istheyear how am I blaming women?! FFS. I’ll leave you all to it. I give up.

I have worked in a very male dominant environment and noticed that men with very small kids tend to suddenly start working later and later [I couldn’t tell you whether it was due to reduced productivity as they get up at night or because they avoid going home] or go for drinks almost every day so that they don’t go home. Men with older children say 6-7 and above seemed to be more eager to pack up and go home on time. At least that’s my observation.

I work in a male dominated environment where 95% of the men I work with are decent people. Zero sexism and really appear to love their partners/kids.

Everyone on the team is 50 or less. It used to be different years ago (probably 50/50 split between decent/assholes) but has definitely died out in the last ten years.

Myself & my few female colleagues have a string theory which we have rarely been wring on. Men whose wife & children are referred to by name are generally decent. Men who say my wife & kids and never use their names, are very unlikeable. If you run through your male colleagues in your head, I suspect you'll notice the difference.

Love this guy

Of course not all men are like this.

Women aren't all the same, why would men be?

I’m a mum and have definitely pretended to not hear my crying baby so my dh gets up. I’m not an awful person and I do my share!

Men who say my wife & kids and never use their names, are very unlikeable. If you run through your male colleagues in your head, I suspect you'll notice the difference

Well fuck me. Working through the men I know...office, neighbours, distant relatives and inlaws - and I'm surprised how accurate this is.

And don’t forget that this male entitlement is at times facilitated by women in the office. Throughout my professional career I’ve seen (and sometimes been on the shitty end of) the ‘what sisterhood?’ stick being used by (a) women ‘mothering’ male employees/ tolerating and/or excusing behaviour that they’d call out in another woman (b) women flirting/sleeping with their male bosses/counterparts to the detriment of the team in the belief that it makes them immune from having to do their actual job and (c) women who will do the bare minimum for a female boss but bend over backwards for a bloke. 🤷‍♀️

@TravelInHope Yep. If a bloke made similar sweeping statements about "all women" based on a couple of bad personal experiences with individual women, he'd be called an abusive, creepy, pathetic, misogynistic, basement-dwelling incel. If more men piled on, the whole thread would probably be taken down for hate speech. But it's okay when women do it, because it just is, so there.

I, too, have noticed more than one man-hating MN post. I can probably come up with at least three examples, which I'm sure is more than enough to make an accurate judgement about all 4 billion women on the planet. So, I have to ask: are all women like this?! 😭

I would never see the behaviour of one small group of people and infer something about their whole sex. It's a bit like saying "I saw a German beating a badger and therefore all Germans are badger hating psychopaths".

I work in a university library and have only ever known complete professionalism from my male colleagues. Perhaps that's just due to the world of libraries and the type of people who are attracted to work in them. But the department as a whole has a really positive, supportive culture too so the rats, if there are any, know they have to behave in a certain way.