Overheard in the office, what men really think

[josephinebonaparted]

A post from earlier thread got me thinking - the poster said she overheard men in the office saying that they DO hear the baby crying, but are only pretending to be asleep, even the ‘nice’ men. Another one from a few days ago was a poster being shocked at the things a group of ‘nice’ men where saying in a pub once their wives left.

It reminded me of when I was younger (and a lot less wise), I saw men in their 40/50s flirting with female clients at work (client facing role) and taking them out for cocktails and dinners, and literally stepping out of the bar to tell their wives that they were busy at work and can’t come home for bedtime. I was gobsmacked - one of them had a 2 week old baby!

Is this normal? If you work in a male dominated environment, is it really the case that guys don’t respect their partners like this?

I don't know about you, but a man who talks about women like sex objects makes my fanny slam shut like a safe door in Gringotts. The one time a man told a rape joke within my earshot, I left the venue because I no longer felt safe.

Two stories from the flip side.

My H used to like to get the house cleaned on a Friday evening. I never refused an early evening work call meaning he always did it on his own. Because I hate cleaning. My colleagues knew I was avoiding helping him and started deliberately planning calls for that time. He never realized I could have said no to those calls. Now we have a cleaner. Both happier and someone else gets paid.

I was with some acquaintances last night. Mostly middle aged women. One of them started talking about eyeing up 16 year old boys in their PE kit (she coaches). Everyone laughed except me and the younger woman sitting opposite me. I asked the one who made the comment if she had considered how that comment would have come across if she was a man saying it about teenage girls. She eventually conceded it would not look good.

Point is, we are all capable of behaving inappropriately at times. And don't always recognize we are doing it.

Mostly middle aged women. One of them started talking about eyeing up 16 year old boys in their PE kit (she coaches). Everyone laughed except me and the younger woman sitting opposite me.

🤮

Kudos to you for calling that extremely inappropriate behaviour out.

I wonder how many men who stay late to opt out of housework would be willing to shell out for a professional to avoid burdening their wives?

Absolutely not.

My husband's girlfriend before we met was very abusive to him, she broke his ribs, and after we met (there was no overlap, and no children involved), she broke into his house when we were out for a night and punched him in the face with a bunch of keys in her hand, which required stitches. I obviously called the police and she was prosecuted.

So yes, I completely get that, I also understand the dynamics of abuse and the reason why men in that situation don't 'fight back'.

BUT, as a woman, it's much more dangerous for me to challenge a man than a woman.

I'm not diminishing in any way what you experienced, but you must understand that?

You must understand that outwith your abusive relationship that men are much more of a danger to women than women are to men. My husband does and he was in a similar situation to you.

And, again, I do not want to diminish your experience, but you cannot and must not use it as some kind of NAMAL gotcha.

@VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia you’re missing the point luvvie. If men just focused on being good fathers but not husbands that wouldn’t work either. Men and women have to be all rounders in relationships these days.

Really?

So some men behave terribly because women allow them?

Au contraire my friend, men behave terribly because they learn from the terrible men in their lives. It's entirely up to men to tell and teach other men how to behave. It's not the job of women to fix dickheads

WTF?

Take your patronizing piffle elsewhere

I work in a male dominated industry and yes, I would say more than half of men are as selfish as OP describes, but certainly not all.

When I worked in the Middle East, I would say 75 - 80% of the ex pat men had affairs. Some of these affairs led to children being born.

You didn't bother to mention that men need to put some effort into being fathers and husbands in your initial comment. I think a lot of mothers would be up for more sex if they weren't exhausted from running around after husband, kids, and house.

I wouldn't bother @VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia, @Ayse1 is clearly a frustrated bloke that has nothing better to do with his time than troll MN.

‘Unfortunately when kids come along women put far more effort into being good mums and hardly any into being good wives/GFs. Men then bored and seek their kicks elsewhere. Simples.’

Joey Barton, is that you? ah yes. Listen up women! You need to sort your lazy arses out. Must be GOOD wife. Stay sexy, amuse man’s. And look after kids. And work.
Bunch of fucking slackers those new mums.

Something that has been happening to female babies for thousands of years.

It's probably because you work in a library.

Lol. And in their dreams they might find another woman who have them. In reality it's far more likely they turn into the sort of creeps who hang around making other women feel uncomfortable until either HR gets involved or someone takes out a restraining order.

I had one colleague whose wife became a born again Christian, and was heavily into it and brought their young daughters in, too. She became a different person. He was another golfer and would regularly go off on three day three night golf trips with friends. Only the third night was really spent ... elsewhere.

Then there was the hard working dad who always had to work over Christmas as it was so hard to fill the shifts for essential cover. His wife basically ran Christmas for the children and both sets of parents solo. Years later a friend let slip he'd always applied for and secured the Christmas shifts first.

I honestly think many men are not suited for domestic life, fidelity, domesticity.

These men shouldn't marry, just as I didn't.

Ha ha yes it probably is. Although it is an academic library so also includes lots of types of roles including study skills, SpLD support and tech support and not just your typical geeky librarians😂

Men absolutely have a responsibility to call each other out especially when they are making rape jokes for example, by staying silent you become complicit and it makes the commenter feel validated

Good for him !! I can only imagine the response of some twats men to this

You have GOT to be fucking kidding, but then surely no one would say ‘Simple’s’ and not be taking the piss, right 🙏

I worked in offices late 90s from leaving school to 2006.

And 95% of the men were absolutely sleazy sexist Pervy bastards

The amount of cheating and shagging that went on was unreal. I was constantly hit on by older men who were married or in a relationship as were most of the other women. I noticed a lot of them liked us young, the younger the better

And then I'd hear how men talked about other women in the office 🤮 and just as bad - slag their wives or girlfriends off and talk about their sex lives - usually derogatory

My H works in a office (I've not for over 15 years) and he claims it's nothing like this these days

Ah the heady days of working in the City.
I used to be friends with a PA and she'd tell me that her manager often sent her off to be sexy lingerie for his mistress for Valentine's Day and those shops would be full of PA's doing the same.

We had lots of leering and sleazy behaviour but the only affair I was aware of personally were two IT guys having a fling with each other when one had a boyfriend and one had a girlfriend.

@VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia that is my point. Good to see the penny has dropped

Worked for an engineering company that had men that you might call very educated white collar all the way down to uneducated blue collar.

When they thought o women were around, if you stood outside the break room door etc.
From top of the 'pyramid' to the bottom, pretty much every one of the men were exactly the same.

Comments about the new girls body parts. Describing in detail what they'd do to certain female staff members or celebrities. Leaving porn magazines all over the place even after being told that the young 18yo women on the cleaning crew were sick of finding them.
When you've heard the CEO who has masters degrees discussing 'railing the new bit' with welders, it's eye opening. Complaint to the HR Department resulted in the HR manager telling the CEO to be more careful no one's listening... Not to stop being disgusting.. But just be careful no one hears..

I'm glad I dont work there anymore.

I also did a few months in bar.. listening to drunk guys talking about barmaids.. these are guys who are perfectly.pite and pleasant when their wives etc are there, as soon as the wives are gone though... It's like the masks come off and the real selves come out.