Taking my boys into female toilets

[Fredablogs]

They are 7, 4 and 2. I have noticed a few looks when I take them into the female loo. Am I supposed to leave the oldest outside? Or send him to the gents on his own, although he wouldn't as he is pretty much scared of everything.. ?? What is the etiquette please

May be being sexist here, but I’d let a girl use the ladies alone at a younger age than I’d be happy with a boy using the gents alone.

I wouldn't have a problem with a mother bringing her primary age son into the ladies. As long as he was being supervised. I think my DS was around 8 when he started going into the mens, that was his choice as he didn't want to go in the ladies any more. I'm a lone parent so no father to take him into the mens.

Far less arbitrary than the age 8, a random day half way through a school year. For some it'll be the very start of year 4, for others nearly the start of year 5. No major changes or step ups.
Whereas high school is all about big steps. They need to get themselves to and from school, they need to sort themselves out in busy toilets with lots of older kids about. They're generally going to have to be a lot more independent

TBF if I was taking my two younger kids to the loo, the 8 would absolutely be coming in and having a try.

Honestly that wouldn't personally bother me at all. He's not going to see my vagina as the cubicle door will be shut and I don't care who hears me having a wee, male or female.

Nah, you're being sensible. Men are more likely to be sex offenders than women. It's just a fact.

I think those ages are ok. Mine had full on tantrums and insisted on using the gents once they were at school. I used to wait outside and it was invariably busy places like shopping centres with lots of guys going in and out so I was as happy as I could be. Ultimately worrying though it may be for us mums older males really have no place in ladies loos.

So you think it's ok for your 17 year old sons to use the women's loo's because they prefer it?

Then it's not women's toilets is it there's booked in their piddling over the toilet seats? Surely if that's the case they should be family loos and men AND women should have their own private spaces

And the ones with the purest intentions should really understand the need for the space.

DS went into the men’s from around age 10.
However if adult men are allowed into the women’s because they “identify” as a woman then I can’t see a problem with children.

Yes this

Interesting that many women on here are basically saying - I don't care about other women's dignity/preference neither do I care about single sex spaces if it's my child.

I don't see anyone saying they will go into the men's with their boys to protect them. Why is this "? Why is hardly anyone pointing out that MEN are the problem here - predatory, plus their loos are often disgusting . How about you all tell the men in your lives they need to call out other men's behaviour etc.

But whilst there isn't, would you rather your privacy infringed, or their safety put at risk? I don't know any seven year olds boys who'd be doing anything different in a loo to a 7 yo girl frankly so whilst I understand their mere maleness is what's offensive, your actual privacy in the toilet isn't at risk.

Little boys pose no risk to women in the women's toilets, however men pose a great risk to Little boys in men's toilets. Therefore screw what anyone else thinks.

DreamItDolt
Totally agree with this.

I'd say fine until age 10 personally. The way I see it is that from age 4/5, kids should be going at home or school on their own. Ages 6/7 it's good to start going alone to the toilet in other people's houses, any single cubicle location so you can see they are alone and quiet restaurants / cafes, so they start to get used to being alone, locking in and wiping down the seat if needed. Age 8/9 they should be moving onto bigger pub / restaurant / public toilets. When it's quiet though, I would say that the big shopping mall toilets or motorway public toilet stops have an older age band for safety reasons and I wouldn't be bothered even by a 12 year old boy trotting in at that point, as long as mum is with them, they are clearly not private locations regardless!!

If a 7 yo is such a terrifying sight maybe you need therapy or to stay home? Do such people use public transport where there may be dc?

That's fair enough then, I could just imagine some of the hysteria on MN of "a man put his head into the women's loos to look for his child aka a sexual predator sent his child into the loos just so he had an excuse to stare into the toilets trying to make all the women feel vulnerable and plan his attack"

You're surprised women aren't prepared to put their children at risk because the alternative is they see women fully dressed outside a toilet cubicle? And yes, insure my husband would be perfectly fine critiquing the state of the cubicles / urinal after other men have finished whilst lecturing on them on how they shouldn't predate on women. Totally won't get his face smashed in. I'll send him out to do loo duty in the local city centre later.

And the ones with the purest intentions should really understand the need for the space.

Exactly.

Tbh I think it’s fine for boys to go into the girls with their mum/Nan until they get to about y6, which is when the silliness around body parts seems to start for most. After that then they should be using the mens.

to the poster who mentioned the 12 year old in the girls loo that’s a big no from me. There could be girls they know in there who Have started their periods and would be mortified at seeing a boy from school in their toilets. 12 year olds should definitely be using the men’s.

If people are so horrified that an 8 yo boy might gaze upon them standing outside a loo cubicle,how do you deal with the ever present risk of a cleaner appearing?

We all seem to agree that adult males should not use the women’s toilets, regardless of how they dress. What’s up for debate is when a male child should be regarded as an adult in this situation.
Secondary school age seems very reasonable.

I take my 10 ye old into the ladies with me if we're alone, I wouldn't feel comfortable allowing him to use the gents unaccompanied.