Taking my boys into female toilets

[Fredablogs]

They are 7, 4 and 2. I have noticed a few looks when I take them into the female loo. Am I supposed to leave the oldest outside? Or send him to the gents on his own, although he wouldn't as he is pretty much scared of everything.. ?? What is the etiquette please

The general consensus on MN always seems to be boys up to age 8 only.

As a mother of a boy, who is normally fervently anti males in women’s spaces, I do think there is a grey area here. Pre-pubertal boys are still very small and vulnerable, and not a threat to women’s safety. As long as he was showing no interest in the bodies of females in the space, I not object to the presence of an obviously prepubertal boy, if the alternative would be using men’s facilities where he would be out of earshot.

Fine till about 8

Then wait for him outside the mens

Er yes, that is too old.

You might stretch to 9 or 10 for a nervy kid, but 12 is adolescent

People are probably just thinking wow, she has her hands full. My son was ready to go in the gents at age 8 from what I can remember.

I don't suppose a 12 yo is 'threat' to women but it is a question of privacy by that age. Boys of that age should be taught to respect womens spaces and use the mens loo.

He goes in alone!? That really is off..

Depends on the toilet, an 8+ year old in the male loo in a small countryside pub which has 3 loos and I’m outside the door, all fine. An 8+ year old in a large male public toilet like a shopping mall, train station/airport - nope.

Ignore the looks. My son will be coming with me to the ladies until he’s in secondary school. No amount of outrage could persuade me otherwise. I would suggest that outrage be better spent on transwomen using female spaces.

@Cheesehound I would suggest taking your lead from your son, he may well wish to have the independence to use a mens loo be fore he gets to secondary age. Just wait outside and call through the door if you think he has been a little too long.

At the end of the day most of us will always prioritise our children over others. So if there was a situation where I wasn't happy for my son to wait outside he would aboslutly come in with me and I wouldn't care about strangers opinions.
Just assess every situation as you need to.

That seems like quite an arbitrary cut-off. What do you think is going to happen in the summer holidays between primary and secondary school that will make the men's toilets safer/more appropriate for him?

My children use the ladies because the men's loos are disgusting. Things will stay that way as long as they want to.

@Wibblywobblylikejelly I agree, we have to take a 'risk assessment' and go with our instincts around safety. I do think though that for boys over 10 it is quite acceptable for them to wait outside if mum/nana needs to use the loo.

I think you use common sense and judge each situation
I think the a world of difference sending a child into a dark isolated toilet block on the edge of a park compared to a busy shopping centre toilet with loads of people around

also the kids get to an age where there uncomfortable going into women’s toilets

My DH got questioned when he took DD3 into the large baby changing - it has a cubicle for children, two baby changing areas and a breastfeeding room behind a door you can lock. It made him feel really self conscious.

By 7 I'd expect to be transitioning to using the gents starting with places like shopping centres with lots of families, if other dads are taking their own boys in at that time, that's a good time to say use the gents to your ds.

My DD's certainly didn't use the gents with their dad past 5, I know not the same

Ladies toilets are quite often just as vile.

DS is now 10, has ASD and can’t manage the loo on his own so I’ve got a disabled toilet key. I don’t really know if this was the right thing to do/ if we are really eligible but it’s the only solution I could think of. I think once they’re in juniors they’re too old for the ladies.

I think that’s absolutely the right thing for you to do.

Wibblywobblylikejelly · Today 12:35
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At the end of the day most of us will always prioritise our children over others. So if there was a situation where I wasn't happy for my son to wait outside he would aboslutly come in with me and I wouldn't care about strangers opinions.
Just assess every situation as you need to”

This. Common sense.

@Bibbidybobbidyroo some people are odd, I would have no objection to a father bringing a small child, boy or girl into the ladies. Mens toilets are no place for small children.

My 9yo girl now uses the women’s toilets by herself unless it’s ‘gender neutral’ and then DH or I go with her. I wouldn’t have an issue with a 7yo boy in the toilets with a female adult. I would very much have an issue with a 12yo boy in there on his own and would be unimpressed if he was in there at the same time as my DD.

I’m pregnant with a DS and this has made me think about it more to be honest. I don’t know if I would feel comfortable with him going on his own into the men’s before about 9/10 and he’s old enough to shout out or know what behaviour isn’t acceptable, especially in larger venues. I’ll just have to hope that I always have DH or another trusted male (my dad or FIL) to go in with him and stand outside the cubicle for him.

@PilgorTheGoat absolutely the right thing to do.

My just 7 yr old goes in the men's now, out of choice

I definitely think there should be more family toilets around.

One of my friends is currently having a battle with her reception age son, as he’s refusing to use the ladies’ (“I’m a BOY, Mummy!”) but obviously no one is going to send their 5 year old into the gents alone! And then at the other end you get boys who would normally be too old, but still need help.

Would also be better for fathers taking their daughters out.