Taking my boys into female toilets

[Fredablogs]

They are 7, 4 and 2. I have noticed a few looks when I take them into the female loo. Am I supposed to leave the oldest outside? Or send him to the gents on his own, although he wouldn't as he is pretty much scared of everything.. ?? What is the etiquette please

N0ugatinna

So sorry your boy went through that. You are right to call out this inverse sexism. Most abusers are men. Most men are NOT abusers and boys are just as much worthy of safeguarding.

Once they are over about 6 or 7 I do think it is wrong. Find a disabled loo and stand outside while he is using it if there is no individual lockable toilets.

This is only okay if the child has a disability

6? Really? 9/10 I can understand but 6? Come on.

Bloody hell

I think about 8 was the right age for my DS to go to the men’s alone. He’s 10 now and does go by himself and I didn’t think too much about it, but something happened just before Christmas that does make me feel a bit uncomfortable about it now. My DH went to the loos in a large shopping centre, a man followed him to the urinal and started wanking next to him. This was on a very busy shopping day. Luckily my DS didn’t need the loo and stayed with me. I don’t think DS should use the ladies and he wouldn’t want to but I do worry now about keeping him safe.

Ew 🤢
I do think boys safety in the men’s loos is an issue.

We need to change the model of loos so there are more accessible loos that are for everyone and have everything in one lockable room.

This is only okay if the child has a disability

If it is a choice between children going into a male toilet by themselves or using a disabled loo, that is what I am going to do. And the law is that there be a disabled accessible toilet not that it is exclusively for disabled people. I am not suggested everyone uses them, but in a case where you have any child less that mid teens who would have to go to the loo by themselves, I think it is reasonable to use them.

Atethehalloweenchocs

Um no it really isn’t ok to use the disabled loo for so many reasons!😱

Less than mid teens?? Older boys can use the men's, unless maybe they have a disability like autism, or an intellectual disability that means they have the supervision needs of a younger boy. In that case, the disabled is appropriate.

I don't have a son (I have a daughter) but I don't think it's right to let a primary school boy go into the men's toilets alone. If I saw a 9 year old boy with his mum in the toilets then I honestly wouldn't mind. What's the harm?

Can you tell me why it’s wrong for a 6 year old to go into the ladies toilets with his mother? What is the actual issue with a young child seeing you washing your hands at a sink or being in the vicinity of you while you wee in the privacy of a locked cubicle? How is a boy of this age being there any different to a girl of the same age being there?

I asked this same question yesterday to another poster who funnily enough never came back with an answer.

@Thesearmsofmine I would not have a problem with a boy of 6 or 7. I, personally as an adult woman, wouldn't have a problem with a boy of 8 or 9.

I would have felt uncomfortable as a girl though, and I imagine it would have been much worse if I had started my period at this age. I was a teenager when it started and I was still mortified at the opening sound of the pad, worried that someone would hear and know. Going through that at 10 and coming out to see a 9 year old male classmate would have been horrible.

And of course I understand that but it doesn’t take away from the fact that the poster I quoted is talking about boys as young as 6 which is just ridiculous. I would love to hear their reasoning on this.

Our local shopping centre had to close the mens toilets for an afternoon last year because there was a nasty violent attack in there but I should send my tiny 7 year old in there alone according to some people on here. Or maybe he should go into the park toilets alone, the same where the local creeps like to hang out. I mean he’s just a little boy, who gives a shit about his safety.

Why as a disabled person should I risk pissing myself (I can't wait to go toilet) because you've taken your non disabled child into the disabled toilets?

It’s just fucking disgraceful ain’t it. Someone’s ridiculous sensibilities about their child using a smelly loo trumps the basic human rights of disabled people.

Also if your child can’t use the loo by themselves by mid-teens, excluding any health conditions, you need to have a fucking word with yourself. Imagine being 15 and still needing to go in the toilet with mummy!

Also I’m surprised and saddened to hear 7 yo girls are scared of 7yo boys in the loo. They go to school with boys presumably so why would they be scared with adults present? And why should that mean little boys have to be shunted into the men’s loo alone?

Some people’s fear of men is perhaps justifiable but grown women being frightened of little boys, and by extension making their little girls afraid of little boys, alarms me deeply.

I must have missed any post that said 7 year old girls were scared. We were separated to change for PE from ks2, so age 7. We slept separately from boys on year 3 camp, and on cub scout camps. I'm surprised at 'scared', but I would have certainly felt uncomfortable to encounter a boy my age in the loo from about 8 onwards.

So an 8 year old boy should risk being sexually assaulted in the men's toilets just because a 10 year old girl doesn't want prepubescent boys seeing her wash her hands at the sink? I'm in my 20s and boys and girls changed in the classroom at school until Year 6.

I think it’s perverted to have any issue whatsoever with children of any gender sharing the bathroom with you. They are children. If you are sexualising them by feeling discomfort then that’s on you. Of course it’s absolutely fine for a child to accompany you to the loo. If you wouldn’t leave them unsupervised at home you’re going to want them to stay with you. They’ll no doubt naturally let you know if / when they’d prefer to use a different toilet. I do not understand why anyone would have an issue sharing a space with a child, it’s not like you can’t use a cubicle to protect your own privacy, so what’s the issue !?

A 10 year old girl may not want a similar age boy to hear her changing her pad. What age would you draw the line? My DS still looked prepubescent and only hit 5ft after turning 13.

Up to 8 is the accepted age I understand, over 8 you can wait outside the men's loos and call in to ds if you need to check he is OK.

@Muthaofcats The way I see it is that boys aged 8 to 12 being in the female sex loos is not so much an issue for women as it is for similar aged girls.

"I would have no objection to a father bringing a small child, boy or girl into the ladies."

Many women would, however. If young enough, he takes them into the men's. The separation of loos by gender is to keep adults of the opposite sex separated from each other.