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AIBU?

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Original poster

Taking my boys into female toilets

289 replies

Fredablogs · 07/01/2024 12:06

They are 7, 4 and 2. I have noticed a few looks when I take them into the female loo. Am I supposed to leave the oldest outside? Or send him to the gents on his own, although he wouldn't as he is pretty much scared of everything.. ?? What is the etiquette please

OP posts:
ShoesoftheWorld · 07/01/2024 13:31

Mine started using the men's at around 8. Initially I'd wait directly outside.

I admit to being guilty of a 'look' the other day - the boy was prob 7 or 8-ish and I had a moment of involuntary surprise before I realised I'd probably given a 'look' and I hadn't meant to Blush Tbf it's been a while since my boys were that age!

hogmanayhoolie · 07/01/2024 13:32

PilgorTheGoat · 07/01/2024 12:45

DS is now 10, has ASD and can’t manage the loo on his own so I’ve got a disabled toilet key. I don’t really know if this was the right thing to do/ if we are really eligible but it’s the only solution I could think of. I think once they’re in juniors they’re too old for the ladies.

That sounds exactly what these toilets are for.

caringcarer · 07/01/2024 13:32

EmilyTjP · 07/01/2024 12:52

Really? Too many attacks? I’ve not heard of one.

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Are these attacks not reported on the news? I've not heard of any.

CatMadam · 07/01/2024 13:32

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 07/01/2024 12:53

I would have massive objections to a man taking children into the women’s toilets.

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Why? It’s fairly unlikely a man would be plotting something nefarious with his kids in tow!

caramac04 · 07/01/2024 13:32

@Dwappy I’d be happy for fathers to take their sons into male toilets.

Thesearmsofmine · 07/01/2024 13:33

I have 3 boys Up to age 9/10 mine came in with me. My youngest is 7, he is tiny and vulnerable and comes in with me and will be for the foreseeable future unless my eldest(a teen) is there to take him into the mens.

VaddaABeetch · 07/01/2024 13:35

I don’t want men in women’s toilets even with young children. It’s not just safety. My privacy & dignity are also important.

Redsparklybucket · 07/01/2024 13:41

My 8 year old refuses to go to the ladies, but in some places, like big train stations I make him come with me. I risk assess in how easy it is for me to get to him if needed

Soubriquet · 07/01/2024 13:43

I let my 8 year old use the gents. Hell he’s been using them since he was about 6 because he preferred it. I would stand outside the door and shout in occasionally. He’s been fine and now he goes unsupervised.

hogmanayhoolie · 07/01/2024 13:45

thebabessavedme · 07/01/2024 12:47

@Bibbidybobbidyroo some people are odd, I would have no objection to a father bringing a small child, boy or girl into the ladies. Mens toilets are no place for small children.

I would have objection though.

It's not odd to say that men should be in the men's toilets

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 07/01/2024 13:48

CatMadam · 07/01/2024 13:32

Why? It’s fairly unlikely a man would be plotting something nefarious with his kids in tow!

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Yes because men who take advantage would never do so with children there! 🤨

Women and girls are entitled to a space free of men for their safety, dignity and privacy.

blackpanth · 07/01/2024 13:48

It's totally fine

Maray1967 · 07/01/2024 13:50

Noorandapples · 07/01/2024 12:15

Nothing wrong, much safer. I couldn't allow a below teen boy unattended in a men's toilet, I've heard of too many attacks.

I understand this concern. I had mine go in the men’s from 8 or 9 but insisted that DH took him when we were out together. When not, I asked him whether he needed a poo or just a wee to gauge the likely time he’d need. If I had any concerns about how long he’s been in there I would have gone straight in and called out for him.

Maray1967 · 07/01/2024 13:54

In my view a 7 year old’s safety is more important than women’s privacy but I had mine come in the cublicle with me, not hang around messing about by the wash basins. I supervised them at all times.

It’s tricky to gauge the age when they need to go to the men’s. Probably about 8, but I was always aware that they were vulnerable in men’s toilets.

Maray1967 · 07/01/2024 13:55

And I should add that I believe strongly in the right to single sex spaces. I just believe there should be an exception for young children.

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 07/01/2024 13:55

Women and girls are entitled to a space free of men for their safety, dignity and privacy.

Yep, even the ones with the purest of intentions.

Cantalever · 07/01/2024 14:01

I would not be happy to see a 7 year old boy in women's toilets. There must be other ways of accommodating and protecting boys without them being in women's spaces.

MrsSkylerWhite · 07/01/2024 14:02

Cantalever · Today 14:01
**
I would not be happy to see a 7 year old boy in women's toilets”

Why?

Salesarefullofcutpricesprouts · 07/01/2024 14:04

Interested the know the % of sex offendera still in primary school age... Wtf is wrong with young male dc in a toilet? They aren't expecting to share your cubicle... In my 52 years I have never seen a woman doing anything at the sink area than wash hands or redo make up.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/01/2024 14:05

Frabbits · 07/01/2024 12:16

I would expect a boy of around that age to be able to go into the gent's toilets - in places which are not dodgy as fuck, obviously - by themselves.

Stand outside the door and if they aren't out in a few minutes poke your head in and shout out.

Are you equally ok with men poking their heads into the female toilets to look for their daughter's? And women are less likely to have genitals out.

User0311 · 07/01/2024 14:06

You're doing the right thing imo I wouldn't send my 8 yo son into the male toilets alone

Homesweethome23 · 07/01/2024 14:06

Mine came in the women’s until they were about 9/10. They only started using the men’s when they felt comfortable to do so.

AhBiscuits · 07/01/2024 14:07

I think the 7 year old is borderline and should soon start using the gents alone. My 8 year old will now use public toilets alone if DH is out with her.

Fairylights21 · 07/01/2024 14:07

I have let my 6 year old use the men’s if I can stand at the door and make sure he’s safe. Otherwise he comes in with me. Not an issue imo

AvengedQuince · 07/01/2024 14:09

Didoreththeterf · 07/01/2024 12:27

The general consensus on MN always seems to be boys up to age 8 only.

As a mother of a boy, who is normally fervently anti males in women’s spaces, I do think there is a grey area here. Pre-pubertal boys are still very small and vulnerable, and not a threat to women’s safety. As long as he was showing no interest in the bodies of females in the space, I not object to the presence of an obviously prepubertal boy, if the alternative would be using men’s facilities where he would be out of earshot.

Mine appeared prepubertal until 14, others hit puberty as early as 9. I think 8th birthday is a good general cut off.