Taking my boys into female toilets

[Fredablogs]

They are 7, 4 and 2. I have noticed a few looks when I take them into the female loo. Am I supposed to leave the oldest outside? Or send him to the gents on his own, although he wouldn't as he is pretty much scared of everything.. ?? What is the etiquette please

Interesting that many women on here are basically saying - I don't care about other women's dignity/preference neither do I care about single sex spaces if it's my child.

I don’t think you’re referring to me as I have been quite clear in advocating for single sex spaces.

However, just to be clear, I think young boys (up to about 8/9, assuming no additional needs) often need support/safeguarding going to the toilet in a public place. I would have no issue with this because they are not likely to be a threat to me or my DDs. If a male is available to take them into the men’s toilets, I would say that’s preferable though. I feel this about my own DS (not yet born) and other people’s DSs. If a boy older than 9/10 needs support/safeguarding for other reasons, I would say this is an appropriate use of the accessible toilets.

I very much object to boys/men who are capable of going to the toilet by themselves using women’s toilets. I very much object to men taking their DC into women’s toilets. I very much object to men using women’s toilets because they’ve declared themselves female.

Edited as posted twice. 🤦‍♀️

I mean I think child safety overrides women's privacy any day shrug

I think 7 is fine. I have a very tall 6yo and get the occasional look, but I think most people are sensible.

It also depends on place... In most cafes, DS is fine to use the men's alone as I can kind of keep tabs on where he is and who else is there. In a motorway services, no chance.

I do feel sorry for women though always being the ones wrangling children. When I take my DC to swimming lessons, the woman's changing room is filled to the brim with woman, girls, boys, schoolbags, toddlers and crawling babies. You can't move an inch without tripping over someone. Whereas the two dads who bring their kids assure me that the men's changing-room is relatively empty/serene. If my DS was more competent (still a bit silly and all thumbs unfortunately!) I'd be sending him in alone and swerving the changing-rooms altogether.

HomeSweethome23
So your kids being comfortable or not is your only consideration? Not how uncomfortable women might feel?

A 10 year old girl could easily have started her periods and could see a 9 year old boy from her class. 12 is much too high a cut off in my opinion, 8 is good.

Would the 10 yo girl be sorting herself out in the main area not in a cubicle?

Point blank refuse to send my 7/8 year old into a toilet with urinals by themselves, maybe 9 or 10. Much prefer a female toilet with cubicles where nothing can be seen!

Op don't over think it, no one is judging.

Since men are largely the issue, personally I think it makes sense to reduce male toilet provision by half and have separate boys toilets for the under 15s (no adult men allowed, unless accompanying children) as well as men's toilets.

I stand at the entrance of the men's toilets while my son goes in there for a wee. I did get a few smiles from men I don't do it as much anymore. It was funny at the time. I wouldn't worry sometimes my 8 year old comes in the ladies with me if I need a quick wee or wash my hands. I wouldn't want him waiting outside alone.

A 7 year old boy going into Mens toilets alone is in a far more vulnerable position than any age of female would be by a 7 year old boy coming into use the female toilets with their mother. What would make you uncomfortable about it, a 7 year old boy seeing you wash your hands? Hearing you wee? How is it different from a 7 year old girl seeing those things?

It isn’t about the child’s comfort btw , it is about their safety,

Of course. If a father is waiting outside a toilet and their daughter has been a long time, of course they can push the door open enough to shout out. Nobody sane has an issue with that.

Why would it her child and what happens to him while they are small is her responsibility. Womens feelings trumps child protection, interesting.

From my point its not about men, and plenty of men take their daughters into the mens toilets, it's no real difference.
Just to clarify, I wouldn't want my young children alone in a toilet with YOU or MEN, or anyone other adult I don't know.

No woman who thinks rationally would be uncomfortable with a 7 year old boy in a toilet, accompanied by his mother. I'd be concerned about their critical thinking skills if they were.

I don't think a random day when they're eleven is any less arbitrary than a random day when they're 8.

It's probably best to judge each scenario based on the individual child, type of toilet, whether they're alone or with a sibling etc and build up slowly.

I agree high school is a big step up, but it's not wise to leave everything until that happens and then expect them to cope. Far better to build up in small increments.

As far as I am aware it is actually legal thing & when boys are 8 they shouldn't be entering the ladies toilets - I used to be a childminder & it was part of the initial course training

I agree high school is a big step up, but it's not wise to leave everything until that happens and then expect them to cope. Far better to build up in small increments.

I agree. I don't understand parents making secondary school when everything should change at once, another one is suddenly making their own way to and from school and coming home to an empty house when they've barely been left 20 minutes before.

Also, with summer born deferrals, secondary school could mean already 12.

@Cantalever why would a women feel uncomfortable washing their hands in front of a child?
i have never in my life seen anything but women washing their hands or brushing their hair outside a cubicle.

Trans women with penises can go into womens toilets. No one is going to get arrested for bringing a young boy in there. If it is a law it certainly is not enforced!

Its fine op. I encouraged a dad to take his daughter into the women's toilets the other day. They put a radar key on the baby change/kids toilet so it's unaccessible anymore (it's separate from the disabled toilets which also have radar keys). His little girl shouldn't have to go in the men's room. Neither should mine when her dad takes her to the toilet!

I would choose my children over ryou every single day of the week.

It's funny how so many women here can both act like men are at the same both dangerous predators and nobody with a penis could possibly be safe in the womens room but also at the same time men are completely safe to have unattended small children around them when they have their penises out. Make it make sense 😅

@Beezknees very true, it was a long time ago. So probably something that has slipped away in our changing world

DS is 10 goes in the male toilet on his own as I wait outside. If I need the loo, he comes and stands by the sink in the ladies if no one else to wait outside with him. I'm sorry but Jamie Bulger proves why young kids shouldn't be on their own in public. Safety is more important than privacy.