Taking my boys into female toilets

[Fredablogs]

They are 7, 4 and 2. I have noticed a few looks when I take them into the female loo. Am I supposed to leave the oldest outside? Or send him to the gents on his own, although he wouldn't as he is pretty much scared of everything.. ?? What is the etiquette please

Och, I wouldn't bat an eyelid at this. Don't worry about it

Age 8 he is old enough to wait outside the toilets for you

Really? Too many attacks? I’ve not heard of one.

What's the difference?

I would have massive objections to a man taking children into the women’s toilets.

I take my just turned 8 year old into the female toilets.

We're at a similar stage. DS is 7 but tall, so could easily be mistaken for 9/10. He also has autism, and while he doesn't have toileting care needs as such, he's a bit behind in maturity and probably a couple of years away from going in alone. We're braving the funny looks for now but will probably have to resort to disabled toilets withinthe next year.

(He gets DLA, has blue badge & needing supervision is part of his disability, so probably are entitled, but feel kind of bad that we could be reducing access for those who need the physical space or speedy access)

Thanks for the reassurance x

baby changing facilities are not women’s bathrooms.

Of course it’s fine. It would be one thing if you were just with the 7 year old in a relatively safe toilet to stand outside the men’s, but you’ve got two younger boys as well, so if they need the loo as well you will be in there for a while and the 7 year old would be alone in a public place.

My DSS is nearly 9 and it depends on the toilet. If I don’t need to go and it’s a small toilet I let him go in the men’s as I can call out to him etc. or we take turns in the disabled loo if it’s free. If I need to go and it’s a big toilet like a service station I would still bring him in with me. I would expect him to go into the men’s on his own no matter where once he is going to secondary school, as I would be expecting more independence generally and he is nearing adolescence.

It’s a tough one. DS7 always wants to go into the men’s but I refuse to let him go alone because I don’t know who’s in there! So I force him to go in the women’s with me except when there’s a disabled toilet- in which case I’ll let him go in alone and I’ll stand outside.

my son has just turned 9. he prefers to go into the gents by himself but it depends where we are as far as i’m concerned. somewhere quiet - yes. at a football stadium or concert where it’s really busy with hundreds of people - he comes in with me and uses a cubicle.

I had a discussion at my gym about this the other day - their rules are 8+

DS (11) went into the male change after swimming, as usual and I obvs went to the female.
He then proceeded to wait in reception when he'd finished for me to come out of the female change.
When I came out of the changing rooms I got taken to one side and told that he shouldn't be sat in reception by himself and that under 16's need to be supervised at all times - but she couldn't give me an answer as to how I do that without him coming into the ladies with me or me going into the men's with him 🤷🏼‍♀️ (I'm not saying he should be coming in with me, he's too old, just stating that's the only way I could supervise him in the absence of family change facilities).
The young lady then suggested he sit in the men's changing room to wait for me to come out so I asked how he was supposed to know I'd come out into reception if he stayed in the men's and why he was ok unsupervised in the men's change but not in reception and she just responded with "well, I can't see him in there and I can in reception".
I asked to speak to a manager to iron out what I should do (not rudely, just to ask how we sort it given we're tied into a membership that he wouldn't be able to use if we couldn't sort it) and the manager immediately said that of course he can sit in reception and wait, why wouldn't he be able to.

The young lady wandered back behind reception saying ti her manager "but he can't be unsupervised" and wasn't getting that he would be unsupervised in the male change regardless so might as well sit in reception so he could see me come out. Gave me a laugh.

Anyway, 7 isn't too old to be in with you, I don't think there is a definitive age, more when you feel they're sensible enough to wait elsewhere or use the men's etc. I started with DS by nipping to the loo myself and asking him to wait at our table etc, then started letting him go to the men's while I wait outside and then letting him go by himself and come back to the table himself etc.

One thing I found was that he needed to be able to get himself out of toilets by himself - our cinema, for example, has really heavy doors that he couldn't open by himself at first.

I did read the message (edited out but still there).

I would have no objection to a father bringing a small child, boy or girl into the ladies.

This is what I responded to. Baby change isn’t the women’s toilets. It’s a space for parents to change their baby/toddler. They might have toilets in them as well so you can take an older child in if they need help. I don’t object to that parent being male or female as long as they are acting appropriately.

Men taking their children into the women’s toilets is what I object to.

Family toilets really should be an option. I remember being absolutely bursting in a shopping centre when I was around 8. I refused to go in to the toilets because a boy from my class was in there with his mum, I waited for them to leave

I take my 8 year old son in the ladies with me. He is well behaved and with me at all times. If anyone has a problem with this, then tough shit.

For me, the cut off age is 8 plus using also some discretion on where the toilets are, eg I might hover close to the door in some.places and be further away in others.

I think yours are still young enough to go into the ladies.

My ds is 9 (nearly 10) and I’m just at the stage where I’m happy with him going in the gents. I know a lot of people say 8, but it’s just too young for some children to negotiate that environment. We try not to go places where it would be a dangerous environment if we can though.

My lad now waits outside. He's 10. That's said I took him in with me the other day in a McDonald's as it was late in the centre of town (we'd been to a football match) and he needed the loo and when we went in there were some extremely dodgy looking people around.

I think it's just a case of assessing each situation. By 10 most toilets are safe for them to go in the men's or wait outside

I would take them with me until aged 10. I don’t see the problem tbh. It’s not like women are squatting over a hole in an open space. Everyone is using a cubicle.

I have no problem with young male children being in the women's toilets at all.
But going by this thread there hardly seems any point having "women's" toilets if so many male people are allowed in.
So far it seems any "child" up to at least 12 (or possibly older as what is the difference between a 12 year 11 month old and a 13 year 1 month old). Then men with any sex children with them as apparently they can't go in the men's either as it's so terrible(??). So the women's toilets could potentially have a dad with his sons aged 12, 10 and 8 in there?? Really??

My boys 9, I make him peek who's in the mens bathroom first and I stand outside, I'm there if he takes too long and there's a possible issue, but he's 9....he can wee into a urinal or toilet without help, I won't intervene unless needed!

My DS's used male toilets from 8 years on their own but I'd stand outside and if they took long I'd shout are you ok, to them. Over 8 is not fair to females to invade their spaces, especially young girls.

@caitlinn that’s a compromise I have used too.

I'd question what he was doing there if he came in when I was in there.