To ask why the hate for boys?

[Numberttwotwo]

I know this has probably been discussed before. But I seem to come across something every day that makes me feel less worthy, someone to pity and just a bit shit.
I have 2 boys. They are kind, gentle, loving and the best of friends.
So why are my friends (really ‘good’ very longstanding friends) and strangers making comments that make me feel like this. Granted they’re comments about ‘boys’ and not MY boys.
I’ve been told (by a friend with one of each) that mums of boys won’t matter when they’re married and sons will be closer to the in laws.
I was told by a friend’s husband they HAD to find out the sex at 20 weeks because they’d have been soooo disappointed if it was a boy. (In front of my boys)
I was told yesterday (also in front of them) that my friend had been put off EVER having a boy by the behaviour of her nephew.
And this is not including all mentions of trying for a girl whenever we talk about possibly having a third.
I wish I had better ways of responding in the moment but for some reason I always bite my tongue.

YABU - boys are the worst and I pity anyone with more than one.
YANBU - the world should just parent their children and stop with the stupid comments based on nothing more than genitals

Rant over.

Women who makes comments like the OP mentions are really just letting us see their character. They are morons and sexist bigots and it will not end well for them.

same goes for men who are “desperate” for boys rather than girls.

these are just poorly adjusted people of poor character. Fundamentally a new baby isn’t to be valued and respected or loved in and of itself; it’s all about the weird mum or dad.

I have a boy and a girl. Would have been happy regardless and truly did not care.
i wouldn’t say one is more difficult than the other. Slightly different but overall balanced in terms of difficulty.

OP, sit back and watch the shitshow. These are dysfunctional people and they are guaranteed to have dysfunctional relationships with their kids.

Idiots! I didn’t care either way. Just wanted a healthy, kind, happy child.

I have one child of each sex, they are completely different personalities. My dd is extremely sporty and my son is quieter, more bookish and great company. I do different things with each child. I love them both equally but my dd is much harder work. My son’s friends are all lovely, well mannered boys, whereas to be honest some of my dd friends/classmates are absolutely horrid to each other

I always wanted boys. I couldn’t picture having a girl. I was very pleased when my first two were boys and it hadn’t occurred to me that someone might feel sorry for me, I thought I’d won the lottery! 3rd child, once I was pregnant I thought it might be nice to have a girl as I had my lovely boys and it’d be a bit different..but we definitely weren’t trying for one. The amount of people that assumed we were ‘trying for a girl’ and celebrated for me when it was a girl was honestly a bit offensive and just quite gross.

For me personally I have a different experience to parenting compared to those who have girls or at least those in my social circle before anyone comments. I find my ds extremely hard work and at times very stressful especially trying to maintain my composure in not losing it 😅 saying this though, I'm now 25wks pregnant to a girl and I actually thought I'd have another boy and would have been extremely content with 2 boys despite not ever wanting a 3rd, so it would have been 2 boys and I'm done for life. In fact I had a name ready and was really excited for another boy. Now I'm not sure how I'm going to parent a girl because all I've ever known through ds is boisterous play and bear hugs and my days going at 100mph never a chill moment.

I think it’s really important that you do say something op, if these things are said in front of your dc. Silence can be taken for agreement and dc are so quick to internalise.

I love my boys.
I love having boys.
I wouldn’t be without my two.
You don’t know what you’re missing.
Wouldn’t change them for the world.
Boys are brilliant
You know they’re all individuals right? Not just generic gender models?

When I was pregnant I just wanted my baby to be healthy, it didn't occur to me to prefer one sex over the other.

As individuals we all have preferences and I value health, intelligence and a good work ethic over how a person looks, so that comes out in what I hope for in my child. Beyond basic good grooming, I find the obsession with makeup and nails and counting calories very dull. So it's more about personality and interests than sex for me.

I find the idea of baby gender preference utterly bizarre. The American style ‘gender reveal’ parties are hideous-why make such a thing out of it? Surely the fact they are live and healthy is what matters? What do these gender obsessed parents do when their kids realise they are trans or non-binary? I probably look at it differently having gone through infertility but I have always found the idea an individual is judged on their gender bordering on nauseating. I hope that my sons’ generation in general grow up to be much less mindful of gender.

I have both and I absolutely love having boys as well as a girl

They've been brilliant

I was told at 20 week scan that i was having a girl then found out at 36 weeks, it was actually a boy. Being totally honest, i was disappointed at the beginning as i spent ages thinking about all the things we could do together as hoping i would have the relationship with her that I do with my Mum. By time he was born, i was happy with a boy as long as he was healthy. He is now nearly 2, we have decided he is going to be our only child and I am so glad he is a boy. Hes the funniest, sweetest, happiest little boy. Just got to make sure he turns out to be just like his Dad as his Dad is the best role model.

I am one of the 'smug people that has one of each. I had my boy first and was totally thrilled with him. Then I had my girl and was equally thrilled with her!
The thing I do notice on here especially is the advice given to people based on the sex of the person in the OP. If it is a 16 year old boy causing problems in the home it is just pages and pages of 'kick him out'. In roughly the same scenario but changing the trouble maker to a 16 year old girl it's pages and pages of 'you need to get her some help' very rarely do posters suggest such harsh punishments for girls as they do for boys.

I only became aware of people considering one of each to be the gold standard when a woman at work got annoyed and stopped speaking to me because I was pregnant with a boy after having a girl.

I didn’t even volunteer the information. She asked. Then told me ‘it’s probably a girl anyway’. I was a bit stunned and said ‘well if the baby is a girl it’s a girl that’s done too’

What an evil piece of hate speech. Reported.

Yanbu

My boys are completely the opposite of this. Gentle, chilled out and cuddly, they want to live here for ever and marry me 😂. My girl is amazing and so independent (at 1!), also gives the best cuddles and loves running and climbing everything!

Hideous post, thanks for reporting .

I have a girl who is amazing, but when we found out we were having a girl I was scared because I always felt like I knew how to handle boys better. That might still be the case when she's older, but at 2 she is utterly mental, no fear, loves "girl" things and "boy" things and has some really cool but weird little quirks in her likes. If she's a "typical" girl as a teenager I'm screwed though because I never was and I haven't a clue how to deal with that type of girl! I'll figure it out.

I think its down to those stereotypical views of boys and girls and what people think they can handle. Boys are often seen as harder work because they're "little tearaways" whereas girls are seen as easier because they're calmer, sweet things. It's not true. They all have their own personalities.

And, my DH is one of three boys. We see his family as much as mine. More actually because we live closer. It's all about how you do "family". Carry on ignoring them. You know your boys and your family. And it happens both ways anyway.

Years ago I overheard friends talking in a hospital. One was congratulating the other on her pregnancy and the other woman said “Don’t. I’m really upset. I wanted a girl.” It was the first time I had ever heard that and I was shocked because I thought people were just happy to have a child. I was perhaps naive.

This is not a great time for young men. They have a lot to contend with. On the other hand the future belongs to them. They can make a difference by being “good” sensitive young men and contribute to making the world more equal and safe for young women.

I will admit that iv had worries about if I had a boy but only because of my own bad experiences with boys/men and knowing how crap so many men are towards women or just in general as people. When I was pregnant I genuinley was happy either way though and knew life would be amazing whatever sex it was! As it stands I have a little girl and wouldnt change her for the world but in reality we never know how our children are going to turn out when they grow up. All we can do is be the best parents we can and raise children to be kind, respectful people regardless of sex.

You keep coming back and trying to make your posts better.

If you had a daughter who had different interests to you, do you really believe you would dislike them?

You have gone from having to speak very negatively about girls to impress how much you love having a boy. Then tried to water it down. Now it sounds like you are saying that as long as a child of yours had the exact same interests as you, you would be happy. That’s weird as well.

Both my kids have some similar interests to me and some not. I can manage to show interest in things that aren’t my favourite things, because my kids like them and don’t expect either to be a carbon copy of me to get my approval.

My ‘boy’ is a very lovely young man. Much easier than my daughter!!
I never had dreams about having one of each, or 2 of the same sex. It is what it is, and I love them both the same. I am just grateful to have had 2 healthy children.

this poster was clearly being sarcastic

Presumably sarcasm in response to the previous twatty post?

I have a girl and am pregnant with my 2nd who we recently found out is a boy. I wasn't disappointed, my only slight disappointment was that my first won't have a sister (we are very unlikely to have a 3rd and I am close with my sister so a bit gutted my DD won't have that sisterly experience) but equally I'm excited to have a boy, it will be a different experience especially as my DD is so so girly (I never pushed this, I bought her toy cars etc as well as dolls and her preference has always been to nurture her baby dolls and play in toy kitchens). Who knows maybe DS will be into the same stuff, I don't really mind, and I'm going to raise him to be the most respectful, gentle boy I can with the same family values as my DD. I'm not worried about losing him to a future wife's family.

Anyway, my experience has been pretty different to the rest of this thread as I'm from a culture that traditionally favours boys. Granted, my family are not 'extremely' traditional but when I told them number 2 is a boy I got such annoying comments like 'what a relief' or 'ah I'm so pleased for you' and most annoyingly my mum told me my nan (who is the most old school traditional out of all my grandparents) had apparently cried with relief and said she'd been praying it was a boy. What the fuck.

Not sure what my point is but gender preferences are different everywhere/in every culture and either way it's completely fucked up.

In this country (or on MN) the girl preference is bizarre. I have a lot of cousins and by far the most well mannered, respectful and normal cousins are the family of 3 boys. A couple of the girls (including myself) were utter nightmares as teens.

I adore my boys. They’re all close in age, same interests and bffs.

My 2 best friends and sister all have boy/girl mix and I secretly feel sorry for them 😂🙈 Can’t repeat that to anyone out loud, but their kids just don’t gel well.

Appreciate personalities changes as kids grow, but right now I’m excited about raising boys.

Be happy with happy, healthy children regardless of sex though.