To ask why the hate for boys?

[Numberttwotwo]

I know this has probably been discussed before. But I seem to come across something every day that makes me feel less worthy, someone to pity and just a bit shit.
I have 2 boys. They are kind, gentle, loving and the best of friends.
So why are my friends (really ‘good’ very longstanding friends) and strangers making comments that make me feel like this. Granted they’re comments about ‘boys’ and not MY boys.
I’ve been told (by a friend with one of each) that mums of boys won’t matter when they’re married and sons will be closer to the in laws.
I was told by a friend’s husband they HAD to find out the sex at 20 weeks because they’d have been soooo disappointed if it was a boy. (In front of my boys)
I was told yesterday (also in front of them) that my friend had been put off EVER having a boy by the behaviour of her nephew.
And this is not including all mentions of trying for a girl whenever we talk about possibly having a third.
I wish I had better ways of responding in the moment but for some reason I always bite my tongue.

YABU - boys are the worst and I pity anyone with more than one.
YANBU - the world should just parent their children and stop with the stupid comments based on nothing more than genitals

Rant over.

@MintJulia girls don’t always mean obsession with those things

I have two teen ds and they're turning into wonderful young men, as are their friends.
I remember talking to my friend who had daughters only, about toxic masculinity and I mentioned that lots of people are confused and think healthy masculinity is toxic too. I explained that I raised my boys to be strong, active and hard working (They have other attributes too but this convo was about masculinity) and she replied "oh I tell my daughters to stay away from boys like that"
Each to their own but what a comment to make.
I pointed out that she'd bought up her daughters to be strong too - independent, determined and confident - so it will be interesting to see what kind of men her daughters are attracted to.

I was guilty of this. I had two girls. When my eldest daughter got pregnant I really didn’t care what she had. When she had her scan she found out the baby was a boy. I suddenly had this image in my head of a little boy with a shaved head,earring,Spider-Man t shirt and a snotty nose and I started to feel gutted. I have no idea why this happened. Then my grandson was born. I was knocked for six. I completely fell in love with him and as he’s grown I love him more and more. He’s now 8 years old and has a six year old brother. They are the loves of my life. If my daughter,or my younger daughter get pregnant I hope it’s a boy. They’re just a delight. I hate myself for thinking the way I did before he was born.

I had a strong preference for my first to be a boy (which he was) and my GM was thrilled as she considered boys more prestigious than girls (which I think happens throughout a lot of cultures, not just English).

Would have been nice to have a girl the second time round but then the boys play together a lot more and are closer than I think one would be with a sister (based on their friends’ experiences). They shared toys when younger, game together now, can swap/share clothes, stay together in a twin room on holiday etc. If I could go back and choose, no way would I swap DS2 for a girl.

We are genuinely very close and I would be very surprised and disappointed if they ditched me later on, especially as I am not going to be some interfering MIL from hell 👿

It was clearly sarcasm.

given the previous posts and that fact that most terminations sought on the grounds of else’s are to terminate females.

@Oliviojam that is so sweet my little one says I'm his best girlfriend 🥹 I think overall it's all down to personality 🥰

But why would you hope any new grandchildren are boys?

Ita good you recognise your thinking was off. But now it’s just gone the other way. Why didn’t it teach you to just not care about the sex of your grandchildren?

It’s mainly a load of sexist bollocks about women wanting a companion for spa days, shopping and drinking Prosecco, in the same way as men used to want a boy to take to the football and engage in other “manly” pursuits. I sincerely hope that one of the benefits to come from the younger generation’s focus on gender neutrality is to move away from this nonsense, which reinforces gender stereotypes. Enjoy your lovely boys op, your friend with the two girls is a twat and may well end up disappointed with the relationship she ends up with with her children. They are their own people and not there to be her mini-me.

I have 2 boys - they can be total delights and total pains. They are like chalk and cheese with very different personalities and interests. I have encountered girl favouring comments but thankfully not in front of my children

My dad is one of 4 boys, one has 3 boys and I also have an aunt with 4 boys. They are all very close and family orientated. My MIL lives locally and has had loads of involvement with my boys and I've valued her greatly. My parents live a long way away.

I find the gender comments infuriating and particularly when people say 'im desperate for a pink one ' 🤮 is it any surprise gender dysphoria and sexism are alive and kicking in society with ideas like this (and some of those voices by PP)?!

I would want to respond in some way to comments, particularly if they were made in front of my children. Perhaps something like...
'i very much hope to have a close relationship with my son's for their whole lives'.
'i don't see any reason why there should be a difference in relationship with in laws based on gender - I think it's more likely to be influenced by other things e.g. being welcoming, making an effort, maybe shared interests and geography, views on parenting'
'i feel very lucky to have my 2 boys - all children are such a gift'
'you might be surprised by what a joy it is to be a mother of boys'

when I told my sister via text that I was having a boy her reply was literally “😕🤷🏻‍♀️”

that wasn’t even the only ridiculous thing she said but I shot her down immediately with the sex thing so the others weren’t related. She also said some shit about hoping my baby would be late so they wouldn’t be a Leo and would instead be born during the Virgo month.

Also, I know this is a bad thing to say, but it’s nice to know my DSs won’t have to suffer the discrimination women still do or have boys/men potentially do horrible sexual things to them (or otherwise behave like a lot of the men referred to on here), worry about social media and so forth.

People want what they want. My DS has been so much more complicated to parent than DD so far. I think mums of boys often have the harder job with young children from seeing friends and family experiences.

I’ve got 2 boys and 1 girl in that order. I was desperate for a girl with no 3 and did some crazy sway. Said girl is nearly 16, boys are 19 and 30. I’ve realised that gender doesn’t matter. My boys are lovely, as is my daughter. I think for me I wanted a little girl to dress up in pretty dresses and I did enjoy that aspect. I am very close to my boys (especially eldest I had at 16
as it was just me and him for a while).

On this site it’s full of women who hate in laws and don’t want to visit, so there is some element to the fact boys don’t visit much. My brother still goes to my mums once a week though - his wife too most weeks.

Aw that’s cute! Yes exactly, definitely down to personality

I agree op. Gems I have heard myself:
-'Girls are always more ahead than boys at school'
-'Girls are just so much better behaved. My girl helps keep an eye on the boys' (reception child grandparent. She didn't realise the most challenging child in that class was a girl but she knew my son was in that class. He is very well behaved!)
-In reference to shooting / guns 'it's just part of having a boy'

I have one of each and love them both equally! Both are wonderful to me.

I agree it’s absolutely ridiculous. I have a baby boy and he’s the best thing ever. I would love to have more children one day and I wouldn’t mind at all if they were all boys (though I would be equally happy with girls as well). My cousin is pregnant and doesn’t know the gender yet. I met up with her and her husband recently. They kept going on and on about how they wanted a girl, were trying to ‘manifest’ the baby being a girl and would be so disappointed if it was a boy. All why I was holding my perfect little boy in my arms, and they couldn’t see how ridiculous and offensive they were being. I feel so sorry for their poor child if he is a boy as they clearly won’t want him. It’s so sad.

I have boys only and I couldn't be more delighted or proud of them. They are both so loving and caring and the love they have for each other is lovely to see.

To add to the above, my partner and his brother are extremely close to their parents too as my own brothers are to our parents.

I was never bothered about whether I had a girl or a boy, just delighted to be blessed with the beautiful children I do have.

I do remember someone saying after my second boy, "better luck next time". Told them my family was perfect as it is and if another pregnancy was on the cards, there would be no disappointment either way.

I also find it bizarre how MIL openly jokes about how 'all she ever wanted was one girl'. She has 4 lovely boys!

You might want to take a more global view of the relative popularity of girl and boy babies......

Yep. Not to mention the patriarchy and male entitlement. Boys are adorable. Men not so much.

I don’t think it’s hate for boys- but rather females wanting females. Most females are friends with females, it’s what we gravitate towards. That does not mean mothers don’t love their sons but in older years I do believe most women would be more inclined to hang out with their daughters than sons. And in the western world females are seemingly more family orientated.

I really wanted a boy (not that it would have mattered if we'd had a girl), we got a boy and 18 years later I'm still happy we had a boy.
I think its weird that friends say these hurtful things and I'd be telling them so.

People are weird and ignorant. I've had people say, after finding out I had ivf to have my son, "you must be so sad that you don't have a girl". Obviously I'm ecstatic that I have a child at all and I always wanted a boy so it's such a strange and ignorant thing to say, which I happily tell them to their faces.

Girls are adorable. Women not so much!

Yes, there is a huge sway towards men in the world but I see it as mine and DH’s role to make sure our DS is not like that. It’s also our role to empower our DDs to be whatever they want to be!

Absolute rubbish.

Raise your son to attract good partners and make good choices. Decent people don't exclude other decent people. My son's former long term girlfriend (he's on good terms with her) still calls me "Mummy terra". His current partner is wonderful.

I found out at 20 week scan as I really wanted a boy so would have had to get used to the idea of a daughter.