To ask why the hate for boys?

[Numberttwotwo]

I know this has probably been discussed before. But I seem to come across something every day that makes me feel less worthy, someone to pity and just a bit shit.
I have 2 boys. They are kind, gentle, loving and the best of friends.
So why are my friends (really ‘good’ very longstanding friends) and strangers making comments that make me feel like this. Granted they’re comments about ‘boys’ and not MY boys.
I’ve been told (by a friend with one of each) that mums of boys won’t matter when they’re married and sons will be closer to the in laws.
I was told by a friend’s husband they HAD to find out the sex at 20 weeks because they’d have been soooo disappointed if it was a boy. (In front of my boys)
I was told yesterday (also in front of them) that my friend had been put off EVER having a boy by the behaviour of her nephew.
And this is not including all mentions of trying for a girl whenever we talk about possibly having a third.
I wish I had better ways of responding in the moment but for some reason I always bite my tongue.

YABU - boys are the worst and I pity anyone with more than one.
YANBU - the world should just parent their children and stop with the stupid comments based on nothing more than genitals

Rant over.

I'd love to have a discussion about how we address the issues around masculinity in our society with everyone accepting that it's not about hating boys or men, and that it's in everyone's interest -both men and women- to bring up the next generation of men not committing 90% of violent crime and not suffering such poor mental health. Does anyone know how we could do that?

I get mess, grunting and moody silence and I have a daughter </bursting with pride>

Maybe real people are more complex than stereotypes?

Most violent crime is committed by men, but most men do not commit violent crime. The great majority of violent crime is committed by a small hard core of very difficult people (mostly men). Focusing on that particular group is what is needed. The rest of us worrying vaguely about our sons and using buzzwords like toxic masculinity will make sod-all difference.

In addition to constituting a very small % of men, the men who commit violent crime fall roughly into two categories. There are those who engage in this kind of behavior from mid^teens through mid-twenties, but grow out of it as the hormones die down. And then there are those who remain dangerous men throughout their lives. The first group can be helped to grow out of this kind of behavior more quickly, with various interventions. It’s difficult to reform the second group; they most likely have various forms of sociopathy. Keeping them locked up and away from other people as much as possible may be the only real solution.

True, it’s all relative and just anecdotal I suppose

thinking about it, I know others who have boys who talk to their mums appallingly

@user1477391263 "Most violent crime is committed by men, but most men do not commit violent crime."

Yes-I hope that would be taken as read In any discussion. However, it's also true that most low level anti social, aggressive public behaviour is committed by men and boys. We're not just talking about actual physical violence. Cliched, I know, but the "boys will be boys" culture does no one any favours.

Mums who have DSs? who talk to them appallingly should come down hard on such behaviour. Why do they not?

I think this is all to do with people thinking I'll have a friend for life whereas boys maybe don't tend to be so close.
I had a boy and love him just as much now he's a grown man as much as I did when he was little.
I'll admit I wanted a girl thinking she will be a companion for me but sadly it didn't happen but even if it had of my ds would still be super special I think there is something really lovely about mother and son.