To ask why the hate for boys?

[Numberttwotwo]

I know this has probably been discussed before. But I seem to come across something every day that makes me feel less worthy, someone to pity and just a bit shit.
I have 2 boys. They are kind, gentle, loving and the best of friends.
So why are my friends (really ‘good’ very longstanding friends) and strangers making comments that make me feel like this. Granted they’re comments about ‘boys’ and not MY boys.
I’ve been told (by a friend with one of each) that mums of boys won’t matter when they’re married and sons will be closer to the in laws.
I was told by a friend’s husband they HAD to find out the sex at 20 weeks because they’d have been soooo disappointed if it was a boy. (In front of my boys)
I was told yesterday (also in front of them) that my friend had been put off EVER having a boy by the behaviour of her nephew.
And this is not including all mentions of trying for a girl whenever we talk about possibly having a third.
I wish I had better ways of responding in the moment but for some reason I always bite my tongue.

YABU - boys are the worst and I pity anyone with more than one.
YANBU - the world should just parent their children and stop with the stupid comments based on nothing more than genitals

Rant over.

I have a boy. Adult now. I always felt I was having a boy from early on in my pregnancy and wanted a boy because I kinda knew that’s what I was having, picked his name early on. I think when I was just about to give birth I had a slight panic that it might be a girl because I wasn’t prepared for that mentally. Having a boy, well my particular boy, has been the best experience of my life! He’s far from a mummy’s boy but we’re close, same sense of humour and when we meet up we can chat for hours about stuff. I still can’t believe when I look at him that he’s so tall and that he was my tiny baby, it’s somehow just lovely. It’s just been honesty the nicest experience getting to be part of watching him grow up and understanding masculinity and all that comes with that through him, it’s been a real eye opener. He has a lovely girlfriend who I get on with really well and for me it’s not about how often I see him but more that we have a genuine connection and a shorthand and it’s really nice, I really do love that I had a boy.

If anyone who is thinking about having children is thinking they’re okay with raising a child that goes to prison, commits driving offences or hits teachers, boy or girl, then they are the issue not the baby they raise.

My main point isn’t that my boys are not the stereotypical boy and are gentle and loving. It’s that how can women (friends) be around my children who are acting like this and say that they have been put off EVER having a boy/would be so disappointed. I don’t think they’re thinking it’s because my children have a statistically higher chance of going to prison.

Thank you for this. I was thinking the same but trying to articulate it as well as you have.

A lot of women say they don’t care until they have a girl and admit they had a preference all along, even if subconsciously.

A colleague of mine said she originally only wanted girls, she says she has a “Saffy” (her words). Colleague is beautiful & very into girlie/feminine things . She has actually said she has nothing in common with her plain jane daughter & is negative about her weight, fashion etc. She’s clearly disappointed that her daughter didn’t live up to her stereotype. She has a son a few yrs younger who is very good looking (looks like her) & she idolises him.

As a boy mum, I hate seeing all those memes about realizing you'll be the grandma on Dad's side (a bad thing, apparently). I loved my Nan (Dad's mum) and spent more time with his parents than maternal ones. I also like my mother in law and DH still has as strong a relationship with her as I have with my mum.

I would have been very disappointed for myself if I had two boys, but I would never tell you that having two boys is rubbish because it’s all subjective, isn’t it? It might suit you better. Or it might not, but what are you going to do about it now?

I honestly think some parents don’t bother to parent their boys as well or teach them to be as considerate of others as they do their daughters. We live in a patriarchal society where behavioural expectations of men and boys is lower. In my own experience it is almost always a boy at the playground pushing the younger kids around or screaming. I doubt very much that these boys are intrinsically less capable of self control and empathy but it’s not valued by all parents or society.

I think women who have had a good relationship with their mother want to recreate that and maybe women who had a less than ideal relationship with their mother see having a daughter as somehow rectifying that.

I fell into the latter camp, but finding out I was expecting a boy was very freeing and meant the relationship wasn’t preloaded with expectation before he’d even been born.

What a horrific comment. I thank my lucky stars for my gorgeous boys every day.

However, something that I was aware of whilst pregnant with my kids and perhaps could explain why some women have a preference for girls, is that their are so many terrible men. The older I get the more I distrust men and prefer to be around women. So the pressure to raise a good, gentle, respectful man, i feel would be immense. Especially with the amount of porn and violence that has been normalised and consumed within society.

Surely you must have been around some men to get pregnant? Were they terrible?

I've never heard a comment like that. I have 3 boys. They are all adults. They are all wonderful. Good husbands, fathers, brothers and sons.

Ignore any nastiness. I suspect there may be an 'influencer' who has started it.

I was relieved to have a boy because being a teenage girl was so utterly shit and I didn't really want to vicariously go through it again!

Just enjoy your children for who they are - the time is gone in an instant

Yes, I agree. Plus, people make stupid bloody comments no matter what!

Only child- Oh they'll be so lonely!
Two boys- don't you want a girl?
Two girls- don't you want a boy?
Girl and boy- oh you must be finished having kids now you have both, why on earth do you want another one?
No kids- what's wrong with you- don't you want to have a baby?
Large family- its people like you ruining the planet!

Just ignore it all- other people's opinions are always about their own internal issues and rarely actually about what others are doing.

I never imagined myself with a boy. Unsure why but I just didn't. Ds is my third. He is 22 and I still sometimes look at him and think "I have a boy?"

But he is utterly amazing
Kind, generous, social butterfly clever, funny, witty, hard working and a joy to be around. I wouldn't want my life without him. Nor would I have wanted to parent not having ds around.

In truth now he is easier than his sisters but when younger he did need a.lot of exercise than they did. He still does but now takes himself to the gym 🙂

For me it was never the "I would be disappointed " it was just Ithought I would only have girls. Utterly thrilled I didnt.

My mother in-law makes these comments. I have a little boy her daughter (my SiL) has a little boy and it pregnant with another boy😂.

She (MiL) says we NEED to have a girl because boys aren’t ‘yours’ once they grow up and mentions their DC my DH is now ‘mine’ my DH is the most attentive kind son who sees my MiL nearly every evening (we live around the corner and she has DC two nights he visits the nights he’s not with her. He buys her gifts and worries if he hasn’t seen her for a few days (in a healthy way).

I have friends (women) who barely see their mums and don’t get on with them at all.

My MiL makes comments (in front of my DC and SiL DC) how we want a girl and when SiL hadn’t found out sex of current pregnancy, kept saying ‘oh we want a girl don’t we boys, you want a sister don’t you (to SiL DC) not a brother!

Really, really annoys me and me and SiL always tell her to pull herself together

I have had both sexes and the only ‘downside’ I’ve experienced with boys has been getting up at stupid o’clock in winter for their sporting games and having to freeze my arse off while watching them. As they got older, the game times got later, more civilised 😁. Maybe people have experienced this with girls also though, even though it wasn’t our personal experience?

Also, injury. Be it from pe/school sport, or sport outside of school we experienced a lot more serious injury requiring surgery and/or specialist intervention with boys. We had one, who I swear was rarely off crutches. Again, maybe just our experience?

We also found a lot more nasty behaviour in form of bitchiness, friendship issues among girls with everyone’s now, as compared with our sons, but again, maybe that’s just isolated to us?

Well - just to even the score - I was desperate for 2 boys and that's what I got! I had no desire to spend 18+ years living with a mini me!

This. I can count on one hand the number of men across my entire life that I could genuinely trust. Baby boys are adorable-it’s when they grown up the entitlement, selfishness and crappy behaviour begins.

Goodness, this post is as bad as the one where the pp thanks her lucky stars she got girjs.

Do you really think only girls have friendship issues and eating problems?

How can you only try and prove your point by criticising girjs?

And for the record I have one of each so I'm not saying this because I have to convince myself one sex is better than the other

One of my siblings had all boys (who are close to their parents) and other sibling has all girls. Growing up the girls were much harder work than the boys with bitchiness and drama.

I lost a child so was just grateful for whatever child I got.

This is very true.
as to the other comments you’ve heard OP, nothing like that has ever been said to me, or in front of me, but I wouldn’t be happy if it was either.

Not all girls are gentle and kind, and many like rough housing, pushing, shoving and farting. But girls have their behaviour policed more harshly than boys and are taught not to do those things, while many many parents and adults in general excuse that behaviour in boys.

They’re not typically male, they’re typically poorly parented.

What I will say is I have a fantastic father & had amazing uncles. It taught me a huge deal in terms of relationship expectations & self worth. There are plenty of “good” men out there.

Honestly when I found out DC2 was a boy I was disappointed and I don’t even really know why but I love having a boy, I’m now an expert in cars and we have such a lovely relationship. He’s a teen so it might turn around at some point but do for now it’s still great.

I think maybe it was fear of the unknown I’d never been into ‘boys things’ but neither is he (except cars) and my DD was always the one dragged me football games and in no way would be considered’girly’ (bit that I ever was / is).

Interesting how things change - I am the second of 2 daughters and my Grandmother was bitterly disappointed I wasn't a boy 'to carry on the family name'.