To ask why the hate for boys?

[Numberttwotwo]

I know this has probably been discussed before. But I seem to come across something every day that makes me feel less worthy, someone to pity and just a bit shit.
I have 2 boys. They are kind, gentle, loving and the best of friends.
So why are my friends (really ‘good’ very longstanding friends) and strangers making comments that make me feel like this. Granted they’re comments about ‘boys’ and not MY boys.
I’ve been told (by a friend with one of each) that mums of boys won’t matter when they’re married and sons will be closer to the in laws.
I was told by a friend’s husband they HAD to find out the sex at 20 weeks because they’d have been soooo disappointed if it was a boy. (In front of my boys)
I was told yesterday (also in front of them) that my friend had been put off EVER having a boy by the behaviour of her nephew.
And this is not including all mentions of trying for a girl whenever we talk about possibly having a third.
I wish I had better ways of responding in the moment but for some reason I always bite my tongue.

YABU - boys are the worst and I pity anyone with more than one.
YANBU - the world should just parent their children and stop with the stupid comments based on nothing more than genitals

Rant over.

My MIL desperately wanted me to have girls. She also often comments that she hoped DH would have been a girl and even says the name she'd chosen for him often. She 100% favours his sister. I think it's awful. It's also definitely affected his self esteem, even as an adult, and their relationship (obviously)
Also when I was pregnant a weird woman stopped me on the street to ask if I knew what I was having. When I said a boy" she actually rubbed my belly* and said be a girl, be a girl. Bloody freak.
It is horrible. I don't know why people do it.
My boys are kind, gentle, sensitive, caring people. Not all girls are like that are they?

My sister made some weird comments about not wanting a boy. I've have two boys - she obviously knew this while making these stupid comments.

Oh, and her baby ended up being a boy!

She can't ever delete the fact she said she didn't want a boy

My MIL had two boys and goes on and on about how she wished she’d had girls so that she could have done things like go shopping and go on spa days with them.

I have two boys and I couldn’t be more pleased.

Maybe her boys would feel more like spending time with her if she hadn’t been so vocal to them that she wished they were girls while they were growing up.

Urgh the misandry on here by some posters is horrible.

Same. My boys cuddle all day, they would never hit. That sort of behaviour is not ‘boy’ behaviour and should never be excused as such.
I really like your final comment. Perhaps that’s all I need to say.

@Jeffsmeffsmiff sounds like my MIL! One of the reasons I was pleased to have boys was because I knew she’d go crazy over a girl, fortunately DH’s brother had girls so she gives them all the attention and ridiculously impractical clothes.

I agree this is a thing. I have two boys and I admit to wanting a girl the first time round. For some reason I had always imagined I’d have a daughter. Perhaps it was the idea of being able to relate to her better having been a little girl myself. It was stupid really; I grew up a tomboy with older brothers and still am not a girly girl. I watch football in my spare time and am not into stereotypically girly things.

i found out my first was a boy at his 20 week scan because i was hoping for a girl and i wanted time to get my head round it if he was a boy. By the time he was born i only felt excitement. Once he was here, it made not a jot of difference and indeed when i had my second we went for a gender scan as the age gap was close and we wanted to know what of ds1s things could be kept if dc2 was a boy and at the scan i found myself hoping for a second boy which i was delighted to get.

I did get asked if id try for a girl and the answer was a resounding no. I’m delighted with my lot. I think a lot of the “sympathy” comes from people who haven’t had boys of their own.

the way the world is, I’d find it hard to raise a girl these days. Not to say I don’t recognise my responsibility to raise good men who are respectful and fair.

I do think it can go the other way with men though. One of DHs friends is very disappointed to not have a son & Ive heard lots of them wish for boys.

I also think some parents have very rigid views on what their daughter or son should be like/enjoy.

I was very happy I had two girls. It’s about being into the same things, and being able to dress in lots of pink, pretty things. It’s about dance and princesses and cute things.

Is this real?

I am not voting because o don’t think your options really enable me to answer.

Because I think you are unreasonable due to fact that you only pick up on certain things because you only have boy.

I have one of each. I know plenty of people who think having a boy is more important, assumed I would be disappointed I had a girl first. Talked about how girls are such a pain in the arse and how they teenage years would be horrific with but he stroppy girls. How when they get their periods they would be vile and I should expect them to hate me. That girls struggle to keep friends because they are bitchy and competitive. That boys have and maintain friendships better.

We will live in a patriarchal society. Many people don’t want girls. Many people speak easily putting girls and women down in subtle and not so subtle ways.

You only pick up on the boy comments because you have boys and take it personally.

I wasn’t a night mare teen. My brother was. My dd is an adult. Had had the same friends since she was 5 and they are all lovely and supportive of eachother. Da is a teen and no signs of issues either. so the doom and gloom spreaders needed not worry.

There’s always people with opinions. Some we can take personally even if they were aimed at us. These are the ones that are sticking out to you and you are taking them personally

The comments are irl and one was made by my friend’s husband.

I really find it ridiculous. I have one of each, I'm very lucky: my DS 11 has, unknowingly, kept me going to the last few years. All adult men I know have relationships with their mothers. It's needy, self absorbed and bizarre, plus the number of women I hear of who have difficult relationships with their mothers, me included!

We will live in a patriarchal society. Many people don’t want girls. Many people speak easily putting girls and women down in subtle and not so subtle ways.

Its true, that’s why I find it weird that so many want girls to dress them up in pretty clothes etc.

I’m the opposite, I really wanted a boy and I’m so glad I don’t have a girl. I’ve stopped at one but if I wanted more I’d have wanted more boys.

When it comes to boys relationships, I don’t see this in real life. My MIL is much closer to my DH than my SIL, and therefore my DS is really close to her too. They all have a lovely relationship. My brother is also very close to my mum and his partner adores her. It doesn’t have to be any other way.

Everything in society is so genderised now, people fail to see the individual and assume we have certain traits according to our sex.I was guilty of this too years ago, but the opposite. I did not want a girl, I wanted only boys. I was essentially worried about having a stereotypical girl!

I have one of each and they are both bloody wonderful. I think some people look at gender stereotypes which often are boys are more of a handful than girls etc and don't want a boy. But this is bullshit, I know plenty of girls that have been much more challenging than their brothers.

This.
As are some of the comments on this thread.

It’s an awful thing. I had a friend with a son who used to talk about how much she loathed men in front of her son. All. The. Time. I had to say to her, look lovely friend, I get it. But you’ve got to stop with the hate. Your son knows he will be a man one day. On some subconscious level it will affect him badly that you hate the essence of what makes him him.
I do think the reality is often with sons that when they get a long term partner that they see less of their mothers but this begs the question of what role their partner is playing for them?
My DP sees his mother on FaceTime most days. I always say hi to her. We see her when we can.
i have 3 sons. They are the most loving people. They tell me they love me every day or when they call. Have done all their lives. They are best friends.
i am blessed to have 3 sons.
i have 2 daughters . They are the most loving people. They tell me they love me every day. Have done all their lives. They are best friends.
i am blessed to have 2 daughters.

We need to make sure in our world, with our kids that they know their worth is not just their sex. Then things will change.

Well I hated all those things as a girl, so you probably would have been disappointed if you'd been my mum!

As my two (loving, funny, kind) boys get older I've started noticing this more and more. The other day a woman I'd never met before said, in front of them, that I had her sympathy because boys are a nightmare to be around. I told her very clearly (and so they could hear) that they're an absolute delight and I'm proud of every bit of them.

Yes some boys are unpleasant, but so are plenty of girls - I could list a load of offensive stereotypes but I know they're just that. I'm personally thrilled to be a mum if boys and very happy not to have to navigate parenting a girl in this horrible misogynistic society (and relish the challenge of raising good men to be strong feminist allies).

I have one boy and have never experienced this, not once, in real life. If anything, at an absolute push and I had to comment I would say it's the other way around...boys are still 'top dogs' in society and the slight suggestion that men would prefer a boy.

The only thing I have experienced fairly regularly is comments from people who think they are lucky to have one of each and that this is the gold standard and can be quite smug about it. I was shocked when I first realised this is a 'thing'. This would never have occurred to me!

Also, to add in reply to the post I quoted, I am "into the same things" as my sons and don't know what sex has to do with that!

I have a boy and absolutely love it! Also if I were to have any more children I would want more boys 😂 All boys actually! My friends with girls always comment that boys are easier actually.

I think boys are generally closer to their mums than girls.

I find it weird too- all those people saying they would hate to have had a boy, what on earth would they had done if they had one- given them up to social services to be adopted? - of course not.

They would have loved their boy baby just as much as any parent would so I just see it as an ignorant, stupid comment probably based on ignorant stereotypical views in the same manner that boy preference is in other countries. I also think a lot of it is based on harmful gender stereotypes. The "men arent close to their families" thing is a really odd one because I have seen women post on here that their husbands ring their mothers regularly only to be told "oh, he must be a mummy's boy" yet noone blinks an eyelid if a woman rings their mum often.

Weird isn't it.

My ds is kind, funny, affectionate, intelligent, hard working. He's 15 and has started to carry my shopping without being asked 🙂We cycle & practice martial arts together. He's as straightforward as I could wish for.

Both sexes are equally lovely obviously, but I've never had to cope with MyLittlePony, no suffocating pink or nail varnish on the sheets. No faddy eating, no teenage catty spite. Easy going about clothes, not interested in labels, couldn't give a hoot about 'influencers' or selfies or any of that rubbish.

He's lovely 😊

Yanbu

I have 3 boys and 2 girls. My boys are so much easier than the girls 😂 but that's between us, I'd never say anything to anyone especially not in front of the children! Terrible.

I have a boy and a girl. My DS is an absolute little ray of sunshine, such a happy little chap. 100% wouldn’t swap him for another DD, he’s a legend and we are so so lucky to have him.

I look at my DH and his brothers and it is very apparent that they have a more distant relationship with their parents, than I and my SIL have with our parents.

I have 2DS. I would like with every fibre of my being, to have a closer relationship with my 2DS than DH has with his parent (his DM died a few years ago).

I am a very different person and parent differently to my ILs so I am hoping that when they're older, we will still have a close relationship with my 2DS.