To ask why the hate for boys?

[Numberttwotwo]

I know this has probably been discussed before. But I seem to come across something every day that makes me feel less worthy, someone to pity and just a bit shit.
I have 2 boys. They are kind, gentle, loving and the best of friends.
So why are my friends (really ‘good’ very longstanding friends) and strangers making comments that make me feel like this. Granted they’re comments about ‘boys’ and not MY boys.
I’ve been told (by a friend with one of each) that mums of boys won’t matter when they’re married and sons will be closer to the in laws.
I was told by a friend’s husband they HAD to find out the sex at 20 weeks because they’d have been soooo disappointed if it was a boy. (In front of my boys)
I was told yesterday (also in front of them) that my friend had been put off EVER having a boy by the behaviour of her nephew.
And this is not including all mentions of trying for a girl whenever we talk about possibly having a third.
I wish I had better ways of responding in the moment but for some reason I always bite my tongue.

YABU - boys are the worst and I pity anyone with more than one.
YANBU - the world should just parent their children and stop with the stupid comments based on nothing more than genitals

Rant over.

Total inappropriate and untrue rubbish

Wind your neck in

Hardly untrue rubbish when there’s major double standards and the reason many women resent men. And it’s not inappropriate when the OP wants to know the reason for the hatred towards boys

I have reported @Libertyy's post.

I think the women going in with the attitude of "boys don't matter" or "nothing worse than having a boy" are the ones who end up driving their kids and partners away and blame everything else but their own toxic behaviour. I love my son unconditionally and I would love a daughter the same if I had one. It is not dependant on their organs or genitals

I have trauma. Quite severe trauma. I would be fine having a daughter as it was daughters that were controlled for so long and still are. I also wanted to explain my resentment towards men and the misogyny we get put through on the daily and I think plenty of women can relate who also feel stuck. Yet their male relatives go here and there and have more freedom with what they can wear because it’s not as immodest for them. Yet they’re the reason we have these restrictions in the first place. They keep us inside the house for “our safety” instead of their sons who are the reason we fear for our safety. They put the onus on the wrong group of people

@CurlewKate I reported the post yesterday too but didn't get a reply. Maybe it didn't work properly for me. Probably designed to get people foaming at the mouth.

Nope it’s genuine. Genuine issues faced by women of many cultures in particular mine. Actual feminist issues that need addressing as our women are suffering and then people make bizarre posts wondering why men are disliked, well that is why

@Libertyy I'm sorry you've experienced this but I hope you realise that even in these communities, this harmful and controlling treatment of women and girls is not common. Changing this from your community starts with those already in it to say 'no' and start teaching the next generation.

@Libertyy if life is so awful for girls in your community why do you want to subject a daughter to this life? She will experience the same struggles that have made you despise men.

Why would you bring girls into a world with men if you feel so strongly? Why put them through that?

Reverse the issues to teach the men a lesson. In a culture where boys are still seen as a symbol of status and femicide still happens, it hurts men more. We are their weaknesses, they can’t have boys or girls without us. Mistreat us and there won’t be boys produced because we can just get rid of them if they’re continuing to oppress us and mistreat us. The nice teaching part isn’t working societally although individual families are more proud of having daughters these days there are still inequalities, we need action.

I also now realise this wasn’t the feminism board

Watch if this happens how people would instantly panic and call it out as an emergency to address and how “women are just as bad” but it happens to women every single day and nobody cares, we are expected to suck it up because that’s “how the world is and women are more vulnerable”. We are getting fed up of our women being restricted because of men’s ill treatment of us. We can’t go to x place in case y and z happens, yet a man who could be the perpetrator of y and z thing happening isn’t being restricted for the safety of women. Funny that.

If it was really about keeping us safe, the curfews and restrictions and guilt tripping and emotional abuse would be aimed at men, not putting the onus on us when we don’t commit the majority of the violent crime, men do. Men even beat other men in street crime so why not just keep them at home when they’re not at work? In reality, they’re controlling women in all cultures under the guise of “keeping women safe.”

Honestly me (when I am at my parents) and my female friends, all in our 20s, still have curfews!! “Come home as soon as it’s dark” “come home now (it’s 10pm)” “you can’t go to sleepovers with your friends” “you can’t go to hotels it’s not good for women” “your sister can’t go abroad on your own” yet the men go wherever they like and whatever time and nobody’s bothered, they could be harming women??

It makes you extremely resentful. I hated my teenage years, I was 12 year old wearing a dress that covered my neck to my knees but because it showed my shoulders I was slut shamed and told my dad’s brother in law would be there so I couldn’t possibly wear that. I was 12?? It’s disgusting

Really? I have a DS and actually, found that as soon as the kids got past the infant school stage the Girl Mums grouped up and left us to the side. It IS different being a parent of a boy to being a parent of a girl, I am sure each has its plusses and minuses.

I didn't get attitude or squealing or shrieking, i did however get mess, grunting and moody silence for a while. he has come out the other side of if now and I'm proud of the man he has become. His room is getting tidier, there is still a way to go but he is doing this for himself now.

ALL we can do is guide them and teach them how to be respectful, resilient and have manners and self-confidence and love themselves for the people they are.

We should all be proud to be either Boy Mum or Girl Mum.

@Libertyy I lived in Egypt and saw similar life to the one you describe. Some women were happy to be so controlled it made them feel secure. So deep the conditioning. It all felt so utterly hopeless.

Ultimately, if you can't accept to live like that, you have some hard choices ahead, but you are free and entitled to make those choices.

But please stay safe, if you make the break, please go far and stay far.

I’ve got one of each and get attitude, squealing, shrieking, mess grunting and occasionally silence from both of them. Maybe parents with only one gender can generalise their behaviour as being because they’re a boy or a girl rather than that child’s personality. I’m proud of both of them but not because of their gender.