To ask why the hate for boys?

[Numberttwotwo]

I know this has probably been discussed before. But I seem to come across something every day that makes me feel less worthy, someone to pity and just a bit shit.
I have 2 boys. They are kind, gentle, loving and the best of friends.
So why are my friends (really ‘good’ very longstanding friends) and strangers making comments that make me feel like this. Granted they’re comments about ‘boys’ and not MY boys.
I’ve been told (by a friend with one of each) that mums of boys won’t matter when they’re married and sons will be closer to the in laws.
I was told by a friend’s husband they HAD to find out the sex at 20 weeks because they’d have been soooo disappointed if it was a boy. (In front of my boys)
I was told yesterday (also in front of them) that my friend had been put off EVER having a boy by the behaviour of her nephew.
And this is not including all mentions of trying for a girl whenever we talk about possibly having a third.
I wish I had better ways of responding in the moment but for some reason I always bite my tongue.

YABU - boys are the worst and I pity anyone with more than one.
YANBU - the world should just parent their children and stop with the stupid comments based on nothing more than genitals

Rant over.

😂😂😂 oh the irony

Why do you want to know who I have sex with?

I definitely wouldn’t sleep with you so not sure why you are interested?

Is it internalised homophobia and misogyny?

You obsession with my sex life, other posters posting history, the desperate need to get women to not have an opinion different from you is creepy.

But I am going to bed. I’ll leave you to obsess over my sex life!

However, something that I was aware of whilst pregnant with my kids and perhaps could explain why some women have a preference for girls, is that their are so many terrible men. The older I get the more I distrust men and prefer to be around women. So the pressure to raise a good, gentle, respectful man, i feel would be immense. Especially with the amount of porn and violence that has been normalised and consumed within society.

I think this sums it up for me. I'm one of those people who feels a stab of pity for women who have multiple boys. It's a knee jerk reaction based on my preconceived opinions on men/boys but I would never be so rude as to voice it IRL. I feel so incredibly grateful to have had girls. I found motherhood so difficult when they were babies/toddlers that them being girls was the only silver lining that got me through! I simply prefer girls based on life experiences (all girls secondary school, only sisters no brothers, a shit father but an excellent mother, an abusive ex-husband, female dominated work industry etc etc.)

I would hate the responsibility of raising a boy as you could do everything "right" and they are still quite likely to turn out to be a bit of a creep/misogynist. I see boys as a huge societal problem. Most every threat my daughters are likely to face will come from males. The "problem" children at their school are overwhelmingly boys. I have both nieces and nephews and two of my nephews are just awful - admittedly this could have more to do with permissive parenting but it just solidifies my prexisiting prejudices. Of course I know/have met some lovely, sweet boys, but I tend to see them as the exception whereas it's the opposite for girls.

I'm not saying it's right (though it is backed up by social science/crime statistics!) but if I'm honest I just see girls/women as being vastly superior to boys/men on the whole. I'm sure if I had boys I would have lied to myself and become defensive on their behalf - so that's another reason I'm glad to have none; I can criticise men with free abandon 😄

I'm sorry but this post is absolutely shocking, although at least you do have the decency to not say this to mothers of boys. If I said on here that I disliked girls and women, and that I thought males were superior and that women were everything that was wrong with the world, I would be rightly strung up. Men are NOT inferior to women in any way, there are good and bad people in both genders.

@VanityDiesHard
But it’s not an equal playing field is it. There’s no reason why men should commit 97% of violent crime or start all the wars really. They have created the society that allows this. It’s not unreasonable for women to say, give us the vote, let us have the top jobs or even stop being nasty humans. It’s really not.

Women have had the vote in this country for over one hundred years!

Men have been aggressive and violent since the dawn of time. They've always committed crimes, started wars, they fight, attack, defend.
It just seems like it can't be controlled.
When I hear about wars, I despair. I just imagine toddlers having massive tantrums and wishing some adults would come along and calm them down.

Where do even start with this?

I'm not anti men but when it comes to politics and power, good men don't seem to get a look in.

@VanityDiesHard quite. 70 years behind the men. Why would that be?

It’s a similar argument to the rich. Everyone knows that rich people aren’t all capitalist bastards living of the poor. I’ve got lovely wealthy friends Doesn’t mean the worlds not a better place for having a smaller inequality gap.

If anyones just watched the Andrew Tate documentary on channel 4, that's just reinforced my anxieties about having a boy. The clips of teenage boys fawning over a rapist and tormenting teachers turned my stomach. The challenges as a parent to fight against this pressure is immense. Hopefully it won't be as big of an issue in the future.

"Men are NOT inferior to women in any way, there are good and bad people in both genders."

Yes, of course there are good and bad in both sexes. But something makes men commit 90% of the violent crime and walk away from their children. Makes them use porn and prostitutes. . It is ridiculous to pretend this isn't an issue. And an issue that needs to be addressed. And if addressing it hurts men's feelings or makes them face up to some hard truths then so be it.

I don't hate boys. Both of my children are boys. They are absolutely wonderful and I wouldn't change a thing about them.

I did have gender disappointment initially with both (20 week scans). My mom and I have a fantastic relationship and I wanted that mother-daughter bond with a daughter of my own. It's not in the cards, though, and I got over it quickly both times.

My boys are my world. I never thought I would be a "boy mom" surrounded by dinosaurs and monster trucks, but I also never thought my children would have the personalities and interests they do. They are so much more than their gender, and I love them so very much.

Perhaps it's seeing all the shouty men on threads that make women think they would rather not have to deal with it at home.

The comments on this thread are absolutely ridiculous! Baby boys are pure and innocent, it's society that corrupts and destroys the men who turn out to be violent/rapists/murderers etc. Yes its more likely for a man to commit these crimes BUT the percentage of men who actually commit these sort of crimes isn't 100%, so bashing all baby boys because of crimes that a percentage of horrible men commit is completely unjust. Society needs to change so that men can stop internalising toxic masculinity from a young age.

I'm not sure where you live but believe me none of my 4 boys were watching porn at 8yo. You seem to have an issue with porn. I agree. Nothing to do with boys though. Very odd post.

One thing that does make me laugh, is that if you heard a burglar walking around your house, would you ask your 20yo daughter to go check it or your husband? Or go on your own> We all know the answer.
It's like only men get conscripted? It's kind of having it both ways. The vast, vast majority of men are lovely and not murderers. Otherwise all us women would be dead. It's just a silly proposition
. Men are more likely to be violent that is true - whether that's because of testosterone or sheer muscle I don't know. But I've never met one. The ones that are need to be locked up, also there should be better schooling for boys that suits them.

Who doesn’t like baby boys? Where have I said even anything remotely like that. How is calling you out on homophobia not liking baby boys? What are you talking about?

Men from the past have created this society. Not the boys of today.

Men commit more violent crime, in large part, because of gender stereotypes. They are damaging to both male and females. As a society we place gender stereotypes on both sexes, in overt and subtle ways. As a society we need to change that. Not buy into them. Thats both men and women. But as we live in a patriarchy, the ones who are currently men and young men will have more influence. That’s the issue.

But as women we can also influence that change as well. I know many young boys/men from 13 - 22. And I haven’t seen any of them display the toxic masculine traits you usually see. Far less casual sexism, far less ‘locker room’ talk. Far more likely to call it out when they see it.

If you write off all boys, society will never change. And it’s needs to change for both the boys and girls

@Workingtomorrow And you even agree that’s what’s making the change is women. Women saying this is unacceptable. Women asking to be a considered as half of society not as a subset to men.
If we continue saying there isn’t a problem they’ll be no solution to the problem.
Can you imagine how low the crime rate would be if men committed crimes at the same level as women?

Good post!

I do want to emphasise that it is possible to raise decent young men. I am sure as I can be that my 21y son and his friends are unlikely to be the rapists of the future. Well I know my son at least. He is very respectful of women, feels that so much of the world’s ills are down to men’s egos and aggression and he abhors it. He feels that men get a better deal in life and is the first to jump on anything he views as sexist or patronising to women.

Not all teen boys are into Andrew Tate. Yes society is full of toxic influences and porn but not all young men want to be part of that world. There are sensitive and gentle types too. My boy is at university and is happy and confident, likes a drink with his friends etc and seems like a ‘normal’ young man. But he is still
able to reflect on the patriarchy and try and change things for the better. And that comes from our constant discussions with him and his sister since they were little.

We can definitely raise decent boys if we try.

No one needs to be told its "not all types" grow up to be misogynistic or violent, we know that.

The majority of men I know don't fall into that category.

But, its still a worry that's all I'm saying.

If I had daughters, I'd worry about her being hurt, her having a dead beat partners and needing to raise a child on her own, I'd worry about keeping her safe.

If I had sons, I'd worry about them falling for the toxic masculinity, social media influences and external influences that leads them to be the type I'd be worried about protecting daughters from.

That might not seem fair, but it's a legitimate worry.

Doesn't make me not want a son, a baby is a baby and toddlers/ children are kids regardless of gender. I'd be thrilled with a son, I'd just feel more pressure as a boy mum than a girl mum .

It’s not nice to generalise the other way either.