To ask why the hate for boys?

[Numberttwotwo]

I know this has probably been discussed before. But I seem to come across something every day that makes me feel less worthy, someone to pity and just a bit shit.
I have 2 boys. They are kind, gentle, loving and the best of friends.
So why are my friends (really ‘good’ very longstanding friends) and strangers making comments that make me feel like this. Granted they’re comments about ‘boys’ and not MY boys.
I’ve been told (by a friend with one of each) that mums of boys won’t matter when they’re married and sons will be closer to the in laws.
I was told by a friend’s husband they HAD to find out the sex at 20 weeks because they’d have been soooo disappointed if it was a boy. (In front of my boys)
I was told yesterday (also in front of them) that my friend had been put off EVER having a boy by the behaviour of her nephew.
And this is not including all mentions of trying for a girl whenever we talk about possibly having a third.
I wish I had better ways of responding in the moment but for some reason I always bite my tongue.

YABU - boys are the worst and I pity anyone with more than one.
YANBU - the world should just parent their children and stop with the stupid comments based on nothing more than genitals

Rant over.

I have one of each and both are loving and gentle. There is no difference in how much affection or attention they require. My son is much more closed off with his emotions. When I split with his dad, he didn't react at all but I found a tiny notepad in his room, hidden, which said 'I miss my dad and want him to come back'. Some can view this lack of overt emotions as a sign that boys are less feeling or empathetic. This isn't true.

I think you're only upset about this because it's hit a nerve. You have multiple kids - you wont die alone.

Yes of course we do.

But any change is initially driven by the people who are more detrimentally impacted

We absolutely should continue saying there’s a problem. Because there is.

Well that's my point @Workingtomorrow . It doesn't make us hate men to want a change in their behaviour. They are more than capable.

I do agree with the nerve hitting. The comments made to the OP are obviously rude and inappropriate. But I do have to wonder how much of the outrage is based in a genuine feeling that boys and men are likely to suffer some great detriment because some women would prefer a girl (spoiler: they won't!) and how much is simply being a bit put out because other people don't want or envy what you've got.

I think you have misunderstood.

I didn’t say we couldn’t talk about it. Nor accuse you of hating men.

I pointed out that todays male children didn’t create the society we live in. If we write them off as ‘well men created the society’ then it’s not going to change anything

"I pointed out that todays male children didn’t create the society we live in. If we write them off as ‘well men created the society’ then it’s not going to change anything"

I agree. But if we don't admit there's a problem and discuss how to solve it that won't change anything either.

@Workingtomorrow I also think you're being a bit optimistic about the power we hold.

So you think women not liking men or writing them off will set them back? Would that be a general distain for their bad behaviour or full on campaigning against males or just preferring female babies?

I’ve been told (by a friend with one of each) that mums of boys won’t matter when they’re married and sons will be closer to the in laws

this is so rubbish but you only have to read the mumsnet MIL threads to see why 😔

It's not true!!!! My oldest ( 30) could not be more loving and thoughtful. His fiance barely speaks to her mum. I think you lot are a bit deluded. Try to remember all the "I hate my mum, sister " etc. Boys are reasonably chill , and certainly are as men ( not including psychos). IME sons are so forgiving and loving. Well mine are. My sister on the other hand I wouldn't care if I never spoke to her again. SHe's already trying to take things from our very elderly parents home. Never heard of a boy doing that.

Still no response why if you heard a burglar in your house you wouldn't ask your adult daughter or go yourself. You'd ask your husband. The hypocrisy is evident.

Wow.

Oh bless. That's so heartbreaking. When my dad died I was a teen. My older brother held it together. He wept quietly in his bed every single night for weeks

Boys are no more likely to be Andrew Tates than girls are to be Kim Kardashians or the narcissistic mothers/MIL you read about daily on MN or gold diggers.

Well exactly ! It’s so depressing how so many parents on this site still buy into the stereotypes! They probably see themselves as intelligent people as well 🤦‍♀️

If I had an intruder in my house I'd call the police. If for some reason someone had to go and investigate it would probably be the biggest, strongest and fittest person in the house at the time, backed up by other able adults of either sex. I'd rather put myself and DP ahead of my children in taking the risk, but as my adult DSs are twice my size and highly unlikely to be sexually assaulted by an intruder, or as seriously injured by a violent man as I, they probably would object to that and insist.

This is just heartbreaking to read. Why? Baby boys are so beautiful and need mummy so much. If you’ve had past trauma from men, don’t take it out on innocent souls; I’ve actually found it incredibly healing to have sons - they are so loyal, if you treat them right.

I repeat- individual anecdotes about all our lovely partners, fathers and sons does not take* away from the fact that as a society* we have a problem with male violence and male mental health and absent fathers. If we don't want our sons to grow up to be potentially part of that problem we have to act. Pretending it isn't happening is such a bad idea.

You are Andrew Tate , sleepless in Bucharest.

Then you probably shouldn’t get pregnant. It’s a 50/50 chance after all.

whilst I don’t feel I’m missing out not having a son in the way I think I would feel I’m missing out without a daughter (and im
actually kind of relieved I only have daughters as i do find most little boys pretty annoying), the thought of ending a healthy and wanted pregnancy because of the sex of the baby is just awful.

@KhakiGreenBoots "Can I ask - what are you doing about it?"

Doing as much as I can to raise the issues -online and in RL-I volunteer with 2 local youth groups-one predominantly boys-and I am governor of two schools, where we are working to promote positive masculinity.

Talking to my own son and his friends and doing my best to facilitate them in addressing their own mental health and how they want to be men.

You?

I'm pleased for you. Boys and can definitely be loving and thoughtful, girls and women can definitely be heartless and selfish. Doesn't change the statistics that women are more likely to maintain close family relationships, take on caring roles for parents and are less likely to be violent.

And the question about the robbery and who we would ask for protection...so we are meant to praise the male gender for protecting us from harm, while simultaneously acknowledging its their gender that causes the issue?

On an individual basis, yes. Of course I'd be greatful for a man if he stood up for me and defended me. I'd be thankful for that particular man as an individual, not the male gender as it was likely a male that caused the issue in the first place.