To think my DH is being a big girls blouse about the the washing?

[KarenNotAKaren]

For years my DH Has allegedly been sensitive to wet washing - it makes him sneeze, wheeze and gives him itchy eyes. Apparently. He’s getting worse - when I simply take the washing out the machine he says within 30 seconds “Have you taken the washing out? It’s getting to my eyes already!” 🙄

I actually did an experiment in our last house. We had a kitchen living room open plan thing and when he was watching TV I very quietly unloaded the washing machine (he couldn’t see, TV was on loud too so couldn’t hear either) and left it all by the machine, and left the room. Came back 20 minutes later and he didn’t complain one bit or even clock on that he was in the same room as a pile of wet washing.

He won’t line dry his things because it makes his eyes itchy (🤷‍♀️). I can’t even have a sock drying on the radiator because it makes him sneeze apparently. I’d LOVE a heated airer as we spend an absolute fortune on tumble drying, but he’d make a right song and dance no doubt. Tumble drying is the only way he will dry his clothes. Even if I line dry mine he gets all dramatic if I come too close - “Oh god has that top been line dried - my eyes are itchy!”.

Weve just moved into a new home that has an integral washer/dryer. Well it doesn’t actually fucking dry anything? The ‘dryer’ part is a massive lie, so he wants to buy a separate washing machine AND dryer because apparently “I can’t live in a house with a condenser dryer it get to my eyes nose and lungs”. I sneered at him and he got really annoyed. I’d rather just stick with what we have and line dry things or get a heated airer.

I know I sound unsympathetic but I think he’s being so dramatic - I’ve asked his mum and he didn’t grow up with a tumble dryer, everything was dried on heaters and the washing line. He somehow survived childhood unscathed and his mum said he never had any issues. Yet as an adult all this OTT sneezing and “oh god it’s getting to my lungs that is” is going on - I just think he is being an attention seeker. No asthma. No respiratory issues.

Am I a horrible cow who needs to understand his sensitivities better? Do other people suffer like this just from being in the same room as a freshly washed sock? I’ve never heard of a single person who can’t be around wet washing. Or is he being the drama llama I think he is?

Did you tell him about the washing experiment you did?

The phrase is used as an insult. It’s a sexist, outdated insult.

Sounds like he didn’t “survive childhood unscathed,” hated having clothing drying around the house when he was little, and will go to any extreme necessary to ensure he has a tumble dryer. I seriously doubt he has any kind of physical allergy, just a strong negative emotional reaction to having his washing hanging out in the house or garden!

Hard to tell if he's being dramatic or not but I have an allergy to the cold (Cold Urticaria) and no one believes me when I tell them...that is unless they see the blotchy mess of hives I turn into if I haven't taken an anti hist in the morning.

So it could be in his head but it could also be genuine! On washing day, your hubby needs to take an anti hist and see if that solves the problem.

Not sure why people are suggesting changing detergent when the guy claims to react to dry, lined-dried clothes but not machine-dried clothes, same detergent.

Being in a damp environment with laundry everywhere isn’t good for you but it doesn’t sound as if that’s the case here (although that fear may be at the root). Psychosomatic response based on trauma maybe? It sounds genuine but perhaps mental rather than physical.

@Testina
I used to be surprised at how many Mumsnetters worst insult for a man was to call him a "cunt". Now I just try to ignore it, as these women and me, obviously have quite different outlooks on life, and I still find their's rather perplexing when using the word cunt in this way.

All women have cunts (although I don't personally like that nickname for female genitalia, as it doesn't sound at all soft or attractive to me), and no men have any, so why use our most intimate place, which most of us hold in high regard, afterall they give us so much pleasure over the years - and we don't even need a man to derive that pleasure!

Also, for many of us, we conceive a baby through our cunts - which for the time being we do still need a man's assistant with, even when using IVF - and a large number of our babies are also born through our cunts. So I am asking again, why do so many women use the term "cunt" to insult a man?

@KarenNotAKaren

Perfect he can either just do all his own clothes washing or even better he can wash everyone in your household's clothes washing too,

using his own detergents he either buys outside from the supermarket or on the Internet,

Just thinking thinking the detergents that are beneficial for the environment and vegans and vegetarians use in the supermarket and online i think would be the most suitable detergents to use,

.No excuse from now on to get out of helping you to do clothes washing anymore L.o.l 😂

Your husband sounds like he can be a royally Whiny pain in the back side at times too. !

I wonder if this is also psychologically a way of getting to be pandered to aswell in a not obvious way,
as he has been in the past been used to the rough and tough realities of army life..

Obviously i have understanding to genuine allergies surfer's and the limitations in everyday this can bring even alarmingly potential life threatening too...

Oops typo mistake Sufferers *

I reckon he just wants to get out of laundry chores.

I think 'big' in this context means grown up i.e. not a little girl. Like the American saying 'pull on your big girl panties'. I don't think it's about size.

It's certainly an odd expression and I've never used it but I couldn't get worked up about it.

Whether the OP's husband has allergies or PTSD he needs to see a doctor and sort this out. I couldn't cope with this, we don't even have a tumble drier.

Me too, same response to unusual allergies.

I have been very shocked at how dismissive other people have been about this.

Must be terrifying if you have a child with a serious allergy, knowing how many arseholes are out there.

YABVVU in your choice of terminology for your post title.

Not heard that misogynistic phrase for years. For a reason.

Nobody interprets it your way. All we hear is yet another insult directed towards weak men that uses girls and women.

If you got the washing out without him noticing then this allergy is in his head. I personally would have no truck of it and would point out tumble drying ruins clothes, is bad for the environment and is expensive.

We do several washes a week and either hang clothes on a hanging rail to dry or a clothes horse in a spare bedroom or sheets over the bannisters. Obviously in better weather it goes on the line outside. The only thing I dry in our dryer is towels as it softens them.

Find an alternative way of drying them or just sort out your laundry and let him do his own. You could change detergent as he might be sensitive to that. How is he otherwise? Does he get very fussy or particular about things? Maybe he is OCD.

I had a boyfriend once who thought he was allergic to prawns, because he’d once had a panic attack/crying fit as a child after eating some and his mum told him he must be allergic. For years he’d get uncomfortable and physically itchy and breathless if anyone was eating prawns near him. Eventually he went for a test and it turned out he wasn’t allergic at all, and now he happily eats them. So what was happening before? It was certainly real (in the sense of not pretend)- a physical manifestation of a mental state.

I’m another one with late onset allergies and I’m sensitive to all sorts of things and it is sometimes worse than others. If he is sneezing and wheezing it suggests his allergy is a thing.

Also how ridiculous people moaning about big girls blouse. It is a saying and has no hidden meaning and does not denigrate women at all. I am over 60 though and have heard it many times before. Just means he is being a drama llama. Or does that denigrate Llamas? 🤣🤣🤣

it makes him sneeze, wheeze and gives him itchy eyes. Apparently.

So you've never seen it & don't believe it?

He only makes a fuss when he sees/hears you getting washing out?

Get an EBAC dehumidifier as these have air purifier settings as well.

I can't really understand how line/air dried clothes can make someone itchy but not machine dried ones.

This is most likely psychological. Who knows why. Did someone once attack him with a wet sock, is it an army thing etc?

I would want him to try and address this because it makes family life harder. Can he accept it’s psychological? Your experiment largely showed this.

Would he be willing to do some self-help and try graded exposure at home?

He needs to help himself. Does he do any laundry at all?

@Cornishclio I know - I have been shot down in flames because I have tried to point this out
But they are determined to make this into a big thing (rather like the blouse) and they are adamant they are correct. It's amazing how the wrong interpretation of something can be taken as truth if enough people scream loudly enough
I think this is an age thing.
Those saying it is sexist clearly do not want to understand the true meaning

Buy a packet of Benadryl and make him take one every time you do some washing. And tell him not to be such a wuss.

In the days before liquid detergents, I used to find that some soap powders made my nose run and gave me fits of sneezing, but the liquids all seem fine. The perfume in some fabric conditioners has the same effect though, so if the ones that I know don't trigger me are out of stock, I open bottles sniff any that I haven't used before to see if they make me sneeze. This gets a fair few odd looks in Tesco ...

I'm not sure that skin testing would necessarily help, because I don't think they list ingredients on the bottles. If you know it's the conditioner that does it, you could always try making your own from white vinegar and bicarb, some people swear it works.

Orm you could just LTB!

Of course it's misogynistic - it's the association of femininity with weakness. Like calling a man a pussy, or telling him to 'grow a pair'.

What sort of woke shite world are we in on MN? I would much rather read a post like this, well written with humour using a term everyone knows and understands than the bollocks on the feminist boards. All those commenting on big girls blouse, go back to your feminist board and slag off the trans people you hate so much.

OP it sounds like you DH has a block in his mind about this, some sort of psycho social environmental thing. Or perhaps he is just being a "big girls blouse". I hate tumble dryers as they shrink everything and wouldn't be without my heated dryer.

Only today I read that some men only wash their towels once per year!
That would be your husband if he lived alone.
Come to think of it, how would he go on laundry wise if he lived alone?
Would he have to wear hazmat and respirator just to unload it?
I couldn't cope with that level of drama. I'd have to keep poking him with a pointy stick until he stopped moaning.