To think my DH is being a big girls blouse about the the washing?

[KarenNotAKaren]

For years my DH Has allegedly been sensitive to wet washing - it makes him sneeze, wheeze and gives him itchy eyes. Apparently. He’s getting worse - when I simply take the washing out the machine he says within 30 seconds “Have you taken the washing out? It’s getting to my eyes already!” 🙄

I actually did an experiment in our last house. We had a kitchen living room open plan thing and when he was watching TV I very quietly unloaded the washing machine (he couldn’t see, TV was on loud too so couldn’t hear either) and left it all by the machine, and left the room. Came back 20 minutes later and he didn’t complain one bit or even clock on that he was in the same room as a pile of wet washing.

He won’t line dry his things because it makes his eyes itchy (🤷‍♀️). I can’t even have a sock drying on the radiator because it makes him sneeze apparently. I’d LOVE a heated airer as we spend an absolute fortune on tumble drying, but he’d make a right song and dance no doubt. Tumble drying is the only way he will dry his clothes. Even if I line dry mine he gets all dramatic if I come too close - “Oh god has that top been line dried - my eyes are itchy!”.

Weve just moved into a new home that has an integral washer/dryer. Well it doesn’t actually fucking dry anything? The ‘dryer’ part is a massive lie, so he wants to buy a separate washing machine AND dryer because apparently “I can’t live in a house with a condenser dryer it get to my eyes nose and lungs”. I sneered at him and he got really annoyed. I’d rather just stick with what we have and line dry things or get a heated airer.

I know I sound unsympathetic but I think he’s being so dramatic - I’ve asked his mum and he didn’t grow up with a tumble dryer, everything was dried on heaters and the washing line. He somehow survived childhood unscathed and his mum said he never had any issues. Yet as an adult all this OTT sneezing and “oh god it’s getting to my lungs that is” is going on - I just think he is being an attention seeker. No asthma. No respiratory issues.

Am I a horrible cow who needs to understand his sensitivities better? Do other people suffer like this just from being in the same room as a freshly washed sock? I’ve never heard of a single person who can’t be around wet washing. Or is he being the drama llama I think he is?

I'd say the glaringly obvious answer to this is that's its psychosomatic. So while there isn't a physical cause (or possibly a slight one, so on occasion he's effected by pollen brought in on line dried clothes) it still feels real. So he's not being a BGB as much as someone who's mind has convinced him of something unreal. The only way around that would be to prove otherwise to him, so exposing him to the wet washing when he's unaware of it then telling him you've done that. Done enough times it may convince him provided he isn't invested in having this allergy for other reasons.

I would suggest trying the Surcare brand. You will get cheaper products but if he knows the brand used is for sensitive skin maybe it will have a bit of a placebo effect?

Has he had allergy tests done? Perhaps if he did this and it showed he doesn't have an allergy he would then be more likely to agree it's somehow psychological?

Would he go to cognitive behavioural therapy? This can involve looking at phobias / gradual exposure to phobias.

I can see that in some way it will be related to his PTSD.

Also sorry sidenote but I do agree with many peoples understanding of the blouse saying OP. Clearly we've just grown up understanding it's meaning differently but I have never heard it being used in the way you describe 🙈.

The OP is a woman and as a woman is entitled to navigate sexism towards herself as a woman any way she wishes. No one gets to tell someone from a disadvantaged group how to be disadvantaged and what they SHOULD find offensive. Not even another member of that group. Its very personal. Not to mention the two insults are entirely different, with Karen being unambiguously sexist, and BGB up for debate. There are many women on the thread who have explained repeatedly that BGB is an insult towards someone displaying inappropriate levels of fragility, and that the insult lies not in likening men to women, but to a flimsy item of clothing that may be worn by some women. If you as a woman find negativity about an item of clothing sexist, that's up to you, and you can ask for it not to be used if you like. The OP then gets to choose whether to accommodate your feelings. But you can't tell other women to be offended by it.

I agree with 5128gap.

The thing is, laundry has to exist (unless you are somehow able to outsource it to a laundry service). Some things can go in the tumble dryer but plenty can’t. Having a partner who objects to the existence of wet, washed clothes is really weird and annoying - it’s like living with someone who is annoyed whenever you switch the hallway light on or use the toaster.

In the past, my husband has got annoyed whenever the washing machine goes on, whenever the tumble dryer goes on, whenever the dishwasher goes on. He thinks these things should only go on when we go to bed. I disagree, partly because of the fire risk of having the tumble dryer on overnight but also because it means I’ve got to remember to put a load on just when I’m tired enough to go to bed.

In this case, it’s probably worth deciding how much you can accommodate your husband in this. I use Surcare powder because one of my children gets eczema but also because all other brands now stink to me.

I think he needs a new life with someone who likes him.

As a fellow woman I think it’s inappropriate and odd. Not especially offended. She could at least acknowledge it as it’s obviously ambiguous at best. Just find all the defensiveness a bit weird 🤷🏽‍♀️

Also this.

There's always going to be defensiveness when women are told off for sexism against women. @BiscuitLover3678 Especially when they're held to a higher standard than men with comments like 'it's bad enough when men do it...' implying women being sexist about women is worse than men doing the same. Which is... well...pretty sexist!

Nah it’s pretty offensive because then it makes it ok for those who are not in the vulnerable group to do it. Just a thought.

Not a thought that's not been shared before. But not one I agree with. Men don't make sexist remarks because sexist women have set them a bad example.

My husband has PND and wet washing made it 100x worse until we got a dehumidifier.

Contempt is the death nail of marriage and I am sending a lot of it here, genuinely I think that is a big problem than anything else in this post.

If my husband asked this one thing of me I'd do it even id I disagreed because he is the most amazing person on the planet and we are an amazing team: he puts up with some of the things I ask and vice versa. Not sensing this here...

Not meant as a criticism but more if there is other issues that this is feeding from.

Could also depend on baseline humidity if the room, my husband reacts to washing due to sinus issues, worse when humidity is high but less so if it was say already under 40%

I had register a new account just to come here to say this comment is class🤣 Victorian maiden made me chuckle

Are you using powder? Or washing liquids?

Do you use any kind of liquid conditioner?

Some people have allergies to the liquids but are ok with the powder.

I’m not defensive I just don’t think it’s sexist. Not sorry 🤷‍♀️ Anyone else can be offended all they like but that’s really not a ‘me’ problem.

@PollyPut I use liquid tabs, the ones with just the liquid in no fabric softener.

I don’t call myself Karen ironically. My name IS Karen and I’m reclaiming it after a load of woman haters decided to weaponise it against women.

Hang on - are you saying that it’s worse when women are sexist than it is when men are?! Does that mean women’s sexist words are worst than men’s sexist actions.

So it’s women’s fault when men are sexist?

Oh sweet, sweet irony

You are being unreasonable. I do the laundry in our house and I’m really allergic to something they put in detergent. It’s awful, sets off my asthma, makes me itch and sneeze. It’s taken me years to find a detergent and softener I can stand. But even those- I can’t dry laundry in the house, or leave wet laundry laying around. I do line dry outside though, and tumble dry. I am also allergic to scented candles, reed diffusers and plug in air fresheners.

Please move try moving to powder, for two reasons:
1 you can put less detergent in per wash (you can't do this with a tab as it's a set amount) and
2 you are avoiding certain chemicals that he might be allergic too.

We moved from powder to liquid tabs for a few months , but had to move back to powder as we found someone in the house was allergic to a component in the liquid. It's similar to what you describe.

If it's a true allergy then the component he's allergic to may be in other liquids too.

But you can test this very easily by using a mild washing powder (not liquid) for a while.

Also I just re-read your post. Try using whatever washing powder he grew up with and his Mum uses. Hopefully that will be OK

I was going to comment saying “yeah he’s a drama llama” and then I read your comment about him being ex-army. Maybe it’s PTSD - it rears its head in very strange ways! It’s not normal behaviour and skirting around it won’t help regardless of the cause - he needs to address it

You've proved it's not the washing with your experiment in the old house. The smell of detergent makes me sneeze like crazy but only when it's condensed in the container. I hold my breath when I'm putting it in the machine and in the detergent aisle. But once the washing is done, most of the smell has gone. I can only use Bold as my son comes out in a rash with all the others. It can't be the detergent with your OH as line dried washing retains less of the detergent smell than in the dryer and you've tried a variety of detergents. There's absolutely no reasonable explanation for your man's reaction until you mentioned the army. Is it possible that some awful experience has triggered a sort of PTSD to the smell of wet fabric? Maybe he needs to speak to his doctor.

You can’t substantiate this as the original recorded uses of it make no distinction between the different elements of the phrase. But what is known is that people with sufficient command of the English language can quite easily find another way to express contempt of their husbands without using an inherently misogynistic phrase. One which is most famous recently for having been used by Boris Johnson. No thanks.

It’s sexist, that’s an objective fact, not a matter of opinion.

@Whyohwhywyoming Oh do get a grip.
The wilfulness of trying to turn a perfectly ordinary, local idiom into a sexist statement is beyond pathetic
@KarenNotAKaren is entirely correct in her usage of this phrase, so are those of us who use it in it's correct context, and will HAPPILY ignore the faux-outrage of the ignorant.