To think my DH is being a big girls blouse about the the washing?

[KarenNotAKaren]

For years my DH Has allegedly been sensitive to wet washing - it makes him sneeze, wheeze and gives him itchy eyes. Apparently. He’s getting worse - when I simply take the washing out the machine he says within 30 seconds “Have you taken the washing out? It’s getting to my eyes already!” 🙄

I actually did an experiment in our last house. We had a kitchen living room open plan thing and when he was watching TV I very quietly unloaded the washing machine (he couldn’t see, TV was on loud too so couldn’t hear either) and left it all by the machine, and left the room. Came back 20 minutes later and he didn’t complain one bit or even clock on that he was in the same room as a pile of wet washing.

He won’t line dry his things because it makes his eyes itchy (🤷‍♀️). I can’t even have a sock drying on the radiator because it makes him sneeze apparently. I’d LOVE a heated airer as we spend an absolute fortune on tumble drying, but he’d make a right song and dance no doubt. Tumble drying is the only way he will dry his clothes. Even if I line dry mine he gets all dramatic if I come too close - “Oh god has that top been line dried - my eyes are itchy!”.

Weve just moved into a new home that has an integral washer/dryer. Well it doesn’t actually fucking dry anything? The ‘dryer’ part is a massive lie, so he wants to buy a separate washing machine AND dryer because apparently “I can’t live in a house with a condenser dryer it get to my eyes nose and lungs”. I sneered at him and he got really annoyed. I’d rather just stick with what we have and line dry things or get a heated airer.

I know I sound unsympathetic but I think he’s being so dramatic - I’ve asked his mum and he didn’t grow up with a tumble dryer, everything was dried on heaters and the washing line. He somehow survived childhood unscathed and his mum said he never had any issues. Yet as an adult all this OTT sneezing and “oh god it’s getting to my lungs that is” is going on - I just think he is being an attention seeker. No asthma. No respiratory issues.

Am I a horrible cow who needs to understand his sensitivities better? Do other people suffer like this just from being in the same room as a freshly washed sock? I’ve never heard of a single person who can’t be around wet washing. Or is he being the drama llama I think he is?

Same here.

My first guess is that it’s related to his army experience - displaced trauma or ptsd.

What you should do about that, I’m not sure. There’s a tricky line between supporting someone dealing with an issue and accommodating it, which can make it worse.

But the gender focused insults (you’ve used two so far) are resonant of army brutalisation tactics, as well as some deeply internalise misogyny - what’s going on with that op? It really doesn’t sound like there’s a lot of kindness or psychological safety in your home environment. What are things like otherwise?

THIS!!!

Problem solved.

I def think your DH being overly dramatic and might get more sympathy without the drama-it would infuriate me if the stealth testing did not trigger any reaction but if he sees it he has one.

However wet clothes drying inside can cause asthma flare ups and the damp clothes will release mould spores. Which ppl are allergic to. It is a big problem in Uni houses when the students dry their clothes in their unventilated rooms.

I do think some allergy testing is in order.
I also wonder about unconscious past trauma.

sorry @KarenNotAKaren but this made me chortle.

No bullets required, just Lob a pair of damp pants

@KarenNotAKaren

Here we go didn't take long for the Constanly Offended about anything and everything
that's @EdinGirl about the title " Big girls blouse" 👚 too,

It makes me laugh about the absurdity of people getting easily offended by the title 🤣 of Big girls blouse .

I really like the title of your mumsnet thread even more now.🤔 😏

looking forward to the easily offended brigades. Nonsense of being easily offended by allmost anything..

But cold urticaria is a well documented illness. Wet washing allergy, not so much. There isn't anything he could be allergic to that wouldn't cause a reaction when dry, and OP has tested her hypothesis - clearly something psychological is going on with her DP. That doesn't mean his symptoms aren't very real, it's just that they're caused by a psychological response rather than an actual allergy.

He could get CBT to deal with it, it'd be cheaper in the long run, but he'd first have to admit that it's psychological which he may be unwilling to do as there's such a stigma attached to any kind of mental ill-health.

I wonder if they vary much?

My SIL has a Drysoon heated airer and she absolutely swears by it. She reckons it's saved them a fortune.

Mind you, she does have an inordinate amount of laundry - DNiece puts stuff in the laundry even if she's only had it on 10 minutes and has 3 changes of clothes most days, if you include pyjamas; and her BF is a sports coach so there's at least 2 lots of sweaty kit from him.

I feel his pain. I am allergic to food while it is being prepared but not when ready to eat, and also to dirty dishes but not clean ones. The sound of a vacuum cleaner makes my ears itchy. Sometimes I have to go and lie down while these things are going on in the house. I would love to do all the housework, but this is just a cross I have to bear.

I don’t think it’s wet washing I think it’s the scent in the detergent which is stronger when wet.

Yeah I hate this phrase so much

I have an issue with some cleaners and strong 'fragrance' smells, until fairly recently I just washed without and fragrance, I was like 32 before I found one I could stand... I also have an OCD issue about several 'wet' things.

I manage the washing machine washing OK though, at least its 'clean' water its not on any planet the same catatonic visceral panic reaction I get to bin juice, toilet water or dirty sink soup etc...

I wonder if it’s a sensitivity to damp brought about by his years sleeping in puddles/wearing wet and uncomfortable clothes, and feeling ill - a bit like sauce bearnaise syndrome (where you develop an aversion to a food you have eaten and then been sick https://www.cell.com/current-biology/pdf/S0960-9822(20)31498-6.pdf )

It is of no benefit to him to have this disorder, unless he’s doing it to get out of chores, but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case, so there is no other option than to assume that whatever is causing the distress is real to him. If you haven’t already done so, can you sit down together and work out an efficient way of doing the laundry that minimizes the distress for him and the effort for you both?

that's your opinion. Others differ.

Any phrase that is used as an insult that in any way includes anything that is regardes as female, or uses female terminology automatically assumes female = lesser.
There is no way to interpret that as anything other than everyday sexism at best or misogynistic at worst.

Anyone else getting adverts for washing machines and tumble dryers on this thread?

This is a safe space, she's posting anonymously. His behaviour must get bloody wearing!!

if you were in the army and your ex army mates are doing it, it is to be expected.

If you are a wife talking about your husband and being insulting into the bargain? it's bloody horrible

My blouse is highly offended 👺

How does he dry himself after a shower.....? What happens if it rains and his clothes get damp.....?

combatstress.org.uk/helpline#:~:text=Our%2024%2Dhour%20Helpline%200800,mental%20health%20advice%20and%20support.

Hi OP - try these people. I'll bet there's nothing they haven't heard before.

Good idea, he can try that because he's now in charge of the laundry.

Phobias are irrational fears but they can cause physical symptoms to appear and are very debilitating to the sufferer.

If your DH didn’t realise the washing was there, then obviously he didn’t react badly because his physical reaction is caused by his phobia, rather than an actual allergic response.

I recommend he goes and sees a good hypnotist to cure his phobia.

I have an autoimmune disease that leaves me with issues different to your DH. But we changed to non bio and use no conditioner and I’m fine. I can’t however hug my grandkids because the stuff their DM uses sets me off. So it’s no hugs or suffer.

Is Big Boy's Blouse acceptable? Asking for a friend.

It's certainly possible to develop allergies as an adult - I've had bad hay fever since my mid-20s, having never had it as a child, and I now go into sneezing fits around dust or if there are cut flowers in the house. And line-dried clothes are a well-recognised trigger for pollen allergies, so that all makes sense. The wet clothing issue is less clear, and I wonder if that part of it may be more psychological? Unless it's a separate issue and related to the detergent/fabric softener being used.