Adult child not wanting to pay their way

[Cazzalou]

18 months ago my daughter spilt up from the BF and moved back home with me.
We agreed that she would pay £500 a month for rent and bills. We live in London.
Now she and BF are back together and are hoping to buy somewhere out in Kent.
She would like to reduce her monthly payments to £300 a month so she can save for the deposit on a new home.
This could take a long time.
Should I agree the reduction or keep it at £500?
Is daughter taking me for a ride?
I'm an almost retired nurse and my monthly income has reduced as I have reduced my working hours to 30 per week.
Am I being mean if I say no?

I am not a home owner and live in social housing.
Rent is reasonable but I worry about retirement and how I will mange without a regular income in the future.
I'm really grateful for everyone's comments.
Thanks

How many adult children do you know who help their parents out financially?

Amazing that I had to read so many comments to finally arrive at this!

Having 1.5 extra adults living in a home that had been just for me is a HUGE concession to make already.

I love my grown daughter dearly but we both admit that we start to grate on each other after 4 or 5 days under the same roof.

Eighteen months would be the end of me, let alone having to negotiate DOWN when realistically everything has been going UP during that time. And let alone having to deal with a boyfriend as well.

In your shoes OP I'd stay polite but firm on this very generous amount, and also be tempted to chat about an end date to this arrangement. It's just too much.

That makes a difference but you should have said so in the first place.

DH and certainly did but it's not something we would talk about so how would anyone know?

So she wants to save but doesn’t want to use her own money to do this. She is effectively asking you to put £200 a month away for her.

Does €300 cover her actual costs to the household? Or is it closer to (or /even over) the £500 level?

If her costs are higher than £300, I wouldn't be reducing her share.

are you making a profit off your daughters rent or does it just cover the increased bills? it's not her responsibility to find your retirement she's your child

Me! And I very much doubt I am the only one!

Don't be silly. Working adult children should contribute to the household financially.

Younger children are at school/college/university.

Once they get a proper full time job they absolutely should contribute.

I find this attitude to ask rent from your own kids and do not help them ridiculous and so selfish

I said above, I wouldn't charge rent because I don't have a mortgage. But I would absolutely expect my ds to contribute to the bills. Why on earth shouldn't an adult child contribute in proportion to their earnings?

And if you are paying £1000 a month rent I can absolutely understand why you would ask for a contribution - it's not selfish at all. Ridiculous accusation.

Me as well, and quite a lot of my friends. We don't all have comfortable middle class parents.

OP

500 is a bloody bargain. And she will still be able to save.

She has a cheek considering she earns more than you do.

Stick to your guns.

If she doesn't like it she can always move out and discover the ACTUAL cost of living.

So does that mean you couldn’t have a lodger then when the daughter leaves. I’m not sure how social tenancy’s work with lodgers.

Because if you couldn’t have a lodger it matters not one bit what a room is worth in a house share as op couldn’t get that anyway so it’s all gain gain renting to the daughter apart from actual genuine costs.

If only charge my child what it costs extra to have them there.

Eg what were your costs before she moved in Vs now. You won't have her contribution when she moves out so don't rely on it too much.

I don't think she's taking you for a ride by trying to save up to get out of your way. It's really hard to get on the property ladder, especially in London so if be happy to cut the costs if it helped her as long as I wasn't out of pocket significantly.

She is 26 and has only lived with OP for 18 months so presumably doesn't need a lesson on the actual costs.

I know, major and annoying dripfeed. It also doesn't really change my answer.

usually subletting is not allowed

I suppose this depends on the council tax. If OP is on a low income and lives alone council tax might be significantly reduced… in London I’m guessing the extra council tax alone is quite a lot…

@Cazzalou maybe sit her down and say half the council tax, water, gas, electricity and food equals this amount… plus wear and tear on thing like the shower, washing machine etc….
if she’s planning on buying a house she needs to realise how much all these things cost

MN is notoriously anti charging adult children any kind of keep money.

No way should any working ADULT be living in the family home and not contributing to the running costs etc. It makes no difference what the Op did before her DD moved back in.

However, depending on what you can afford Op, I’d consider a reduction of 20% and agree £400.00 as a compromise.

Still more then enough for her to pay and have a lot extra ,between them they should have it in no time. Stick to your guns ,that's nothing to pay for living in London

Not is it the OP place to fund her adult daughter to the detriment of her retirement funds

If they are saving for a place then yes agree to the reduction. If they moved out tommorow you would still have to make ends meet.

Nearly everyone has said OP should charge for extra costs actually. Some people think those are unlikely to be 500 pounds. I think it is different now to 20 years ago as it is much more difficult to buy a property. The people that do will mostly have had help either from being given money or buy living with parents and saving.

Does it cost you £500 per month for her to live there? I personally wouldn’t want to charge any more than it costs (extra electricity, food etc) as I would be paying the rent and bills regardless.