Adult child not wanting to pay their way

[Cazzalou]

18 months ago my daughter spilt up from the BF and moved back home with me.
We agreed that she would pay £500 a month for rent and bills. We live in London.
Now she and BF are back together and are hoping to buy somewhere out in Kent.
She would like to reduce her monthly payments to £300 a month so she can save for the deposit on a new home.
This could take a long time.
Should I agree the reduction or keep it at £500?
Is daughter taking me for a ride?
I'm an almost retired nurse and my monthly income has reduced as I have reduced my working hours to 30 per week.
Am I being mean if I say no?

Wow these prices shock me. Only a few years ago I was renting a one bed flat in a lovely part of SE London for £1100. Backed out onto a lovely garden and was a period property.

How times change. What’s funny is the cost to buy hasn’t changed that much as I looked in the same area to buy then and when I look now, costs are very similar. Landlords are doing alright!

Except the OP would still have costs if her daughter wasn't living with her, wouldn't she?

£500 she's renting a room not a house you should reduce it by quite a lot. Yes London is expensive but your taking the mick

Wow Bellavida99 I used to pay my parents £175 a month in 1994!

I paid £40 per week in 1994 . What’s that in todays money?

300 is better than the nothing you will get if she moved out and you would be helping her get on the property ladder provided she will actually save that money not squander it

Exactly, plus if the OP helps her daughter that will mean that the daughter has more financial security in the future and will be able to look after her mum in her retirement years. If she is penny pinching now, the daughter may not be so well placed to be able to help out in the future.

Yes but probably got a 25% council tax discount as a single person and utilities are more with an extra person using them

How much is she planning on saving a month?

If she has a lot of disposable income that she's spending/wasting and doesn't want to dip into that and instead just goes for the easy option of taking the £200 out of what she pays to you then I would consider that to be taking the piss.

What do you reckon it costs to have her there? and the boyfriend?

I will never understand why parents charge there kids to live with them! Here's a idea don't have kids if you can't afford them.. you never stop been a parent regardless if they are aged 4 or 44

My mum charged me to live with her once I turned 18 and started making my own money. I'm so glad she did because it taught me that life isn't free and I had to pay my way!

Plus it was a hell of a lot cheaper than renting elsewhere.

Your post in tone deaf. We are in a cost of living crisis and people can barely afford to heat their houses let alone fund an adults lifestyle.

Depends if you making profit off her money or not. - I don’t think it’s right to make money off children but they need to pay their way once adult age.

we always paid a fair share for utilities as we affected the cost of having them. (except mortgage as my mums logic was she has to pay that regardless)
I paid for internet back in the day cos I was the user no one else.
food bills split equally if your sharing the food. - if not just split the cleaning item bills equally.

Being a parent means you will always be teaching your children be them 4 or 44.

parenting and teaching moments doesn’t end at 18. A great way to teach responsibility is that the adult children pay their way and earn money.

I do not agree with parents making a profit off their adult kids, but being adults mean they should pay equally wherever and whoever they live with.

Not being mean but bit harsh maybe - I mean it’s your daughter surly you would want to help? She’s still paying you something. Almost sounds like you want her to pay more to top up your income because you reduced your hours & want to work less.

People are acting like DD isnt already saving at least a grand by living at home and not renting in London. Presumably BF will stop over sometime too, where is he living now and why aren't they living together?
DD is an adult, presably working in London. If mum is a nurse on reduced hours it's even possible DD earns more than her!
Does DD have a decent paying job OP?

Just seen that DD is a teacher and earns more, definitely keep it as it is. She's taking the mick.
All her bills and utilities taken care of for 500 a month is a bargain she should be grateful and want to help her mum out.

Reduce her board and start charging the boyfriend! Honestly, £500 board should still leave her with a very decent amount to save. My DD returned home after graduating and I have no qualms taking £400 from her. I've lived frugally on a low salary and it was doable but now all the food and untility have gone through the roof.

Wow would you speak about your own child that way? She's her daughter. Many parents don't charge their grown up children anything at all whilst they are still in the family home. Bit harsh to speak about her like that.

I find this attitude to ask rent from your own kids and do not help them ridiculous and so selfish. For sure a daughter staying in a house does not cost £500 a month in bills and additional council tax, especially a teacher who does not work from home. Or everybody who has 2-3 kids won’t be able to survive. She should pay a bit towards food and bills and that’s it. I feel the mum is making a profit out of her own daughter and what she would do without the income when she leaves?
my parents were renting and just making ends meet, once my sister and I finished uni and started working, we kept on staying with them, they did not want any payment and we saved money. Fast forwards 15 years both married with kids and luckily with a good job, I bought an house with my husband and with my sister a flat for them so they don’t have to pay rent anymore. This is family.

No it isn't, she is a cheeky fucker. Just because it's her child, doesn't change that.

And many parents can't afford yo let adult working g children live for free, and besides that, it does them no favours for life in the real world.

That's cheap for London! You shouldn't be out of pocket, especially when you earn less than her and her boyfriend stays a few times a week. No, don't drop the rent, keep it the same. She can still.save up and there's two incomes.

Because they can't afford to maybe.
Her daughter is not a child just out of school, she's a 26 year old adult earning 40k minimum V,s her mum's 30k ish (average pay scales).
She is costing extra in food, council tax, energy,water etc.
Her mum is already helping by allowing her to stay there for only a relatively small amount compared to what she would have to pay if she lived in her own place. Allowing her to save. She is not obligated to financially pay her to live there. Which she would be if she didn't ask for anything.
Not everyone has the ability to financially support another adult. It's not hard to understand.

Why assume daughter will look after her mother most MNs say it's not a child's responsibility as an adult and it's wrong for parents to ask

@Becrazy

come off it, becoming a parent doesn’t mean you have to fund your child until the day you die!! At what point in your book does someone become an adult who has to stand on their own two feet?!

@VanityDiesHard

this! Most are too consumed with their “own little family” to support elderly parents financially or otherwise.