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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask wedding guests to pay for their own dinner

558 replies

fml666 · 04/01/2024 18:22

DP and I have been engaged for a year and money is short currently so we've put on hold our wedding. However, I've had a couple of health scares recently, neither of us are young ( 50 and 53), and we just want to be married.

So we've booked the registry office for a small wedding ( up to 30 guests) for May. Family are very keen for us to go out for a celebratory dinner afterwards but we've made it clear we can't afford to pay for them, and they're very happy to pay for themselves. However, we'd love to invite some close friends too, but can't afford to pay for their meal. We're planning on eating at a local hotel and thought we'd invite some friends but make it clear they'd have to pay for their own meal. But also give them the option of meeting us for drinks in the bar after the meal if they prefer.

Are we being unreasonable? I'd be fine with it if I was invited on this basis but not sure if other people would think it cheeky?

OP posts:
WappityWabbit · 08/07/2024 20:37

1mabon · 08/07/2024 13:11

If I had to pay for my own meal then that would be the gift.

Presumably the OP is happily married by now as she started the thread at the beginning of January with the wedding due in May.

godmum56 · 09/07/2024 08:39

Bamboobzled · 09/04/2024 09:13

Personally I'd get married on our own and then save a bit to be able to have a dinner. Or just have close family who will pay. I'd never invite friends and expect them to pay (hence why we aren't married yet as we'd like to have people for dinner).

wow cannibal mumsnetters, who knew? 😂

GeilistheWitch · 09/07/2024 12:15

Ericaequites · 04/01/2024 18:29

Cut your coat to fit your cloth. If you can’t afford to pay for dinner, serve punch, cake, and sparkling wine only. Asking people to pay for their meals is not appropriate.

Yes, but the bride and groom are going for a meal with their family who are pepared to pay for their own meals and they would like a few friends there too on the same basis:
I think the friends should be given the option: it wouldn't bother me and I'd rather go and pay my way than not be invited because my friends couldn't afford to pay for me.
But I would also hope that it was a moderately priced restaurant so that no one would be put off by the potential cost.

Bella43 · 09/07/2024 16:27

Zombie thread

Debs2024 · 13/07/2024 12:51

Just invite them to celebrate with you give them the menu and cost and the option to join you just for drinks if they prefer. Not cheeky you are thinking of them maybe u could pay for the drinks they pay for the meal. No presents required job done .

Ilovecleaning · 13/07/2024 18:53

There is something so naff about asking guests to pay for their own dinner. Suggests a lack of commitment somehow. As a guest, I’d pay but I’d think it was really off.

YerArseInParsley · 16/10/2024 20:29

@fml666
How was the wedding?

pushbaum · 16/10/2024 23:05

fml666 · 04/01/2024 18:45

Thanks so much for your responses. A mixed response, as expected! It's really helped me though; I think we're going to go for a meal after the ceremony for family only followed by an informal buffet and drinks at our house afterwards. I'd hate to offend anyone.

Sounds good, I would find it weird to be expected to pay.

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