Are you bothered by going to other peoples weddings?

[incomeout]

AIBU to think that most people see going to a wedding as an expensive chore

Finding something to wear. Potential time off work. Childcare arrangements. Wedding gifts. Possible hotel and travel costs. Money for drinks on the day. Time taken for ceremony and all that comes with the day.

Yes it's lovely and all but aside from the couple that are getting married, others can't really be that bothered can they.

On the above basis - would you be tempted to do an elopement wedding, thinking that you would both save yourself loads of money on the wedding and save friends and family the time and expense of attending?

Depends on the wedding.

I always like actually seeing people I’m fond of exchange vows, do the speeches etc. The rest of it I’m not that keen on, for the most part.

I would say the wedding I’ve most enjoyed was my SIL’s (which took place during the ‘30 guests seated at socially distanced tables of six’ stage of the pandemic and was just the ceremony and a really lovely meal afterwards in a relaxed town centre venue with good and reasonably priced hotel rooms). We didn’t have to buy ‘outfits’ and they didn’t expect gifts and everyone had a lovely time. Also one of the guests was a large dog, which I feel all weddings should have.

Lots of weddings I’ve been to I’ve only known the b&g, so it’s not a big party with your mates. Or DH family I may not know them at all.. It’s a big room full of strangers sitting about. When you are early 20s and single, there are others and you drink and it’s fine. The older you are it’s sat with other couples making small talk.

I loath discos now. I have zero interest in dancing now. Again, pissed with your mates., great. Middle age and sober, it’s just embarrassment.

I’m in my 40s, still enjoy a disco.
Everyone likes different things.
Plan your own wedding for your own reasons and those who want to will come.

If my son should ever find someone he wishes to marry I would encourage them to elope or have a very small private wedding.

obviously it would be up to them in the end but I dread the idea of a big formal affair

my BIL currently looking like he’s heading into his second wedding and I don’t intend to go, (it won’t make any difference to him & his wife if I’m there or not)

I love weddings. Usually good fun, full of good vibes and the free food is a bonus.
I get it’s not everyone’s thing so do what you want for your own day. If you want to elope then elope - hopefully you’ll only get one wedding day so make sure it’s exactly how you want it to be

I am single, have attended a ream of weddings on my own and find them absolutely soul-destroying.

I love a good wedding. I'll happily attend if I can make it work.

I have been to about 35 weddings and turned down 3 invites. I have never felt annoyed as I liked the people enough. The 3 I didn’t attend I didn’t like them enough. Been to every type, very casual and cheap to huge formal affairs that cost thousands and travelled to the States for 3 of them.

Yanbu I have always felt ashamed in some way of the fact that I hate weddings, parties anything like that. Don't enjoy it, prefer to be at home. I mask well but have just lost the inclination altogether.

I love going to friends weddings.
I won’t ever get married again, but if I did, I’d elope 😂

I find Mumsnet a bit curious about weddings. I’ve been to well into double figures and all of them, big and small, have been well received and looked forward to by any guest I’ve ever spoken to.

See also “child free weddings” - on here you’d think God will smite you if you even considered it, but the number of weddings I’ve attended where children were present, I can count on one hand. In fact, I went to one a few years ago where there were plenty children there and found it very unusual (but nothing against it!)

I don't have close friends and am nc with my family, so no wedding invites for me. I am relieved really as it would be a hassle especially if it meant travelling anywhere,. The cost wouldn't be an issue.

I agree completely, they cost a fortune and take up so much time, kids are rarely invited and mine don’t sleep out often so it’s a huge hassle. We’ve even been invited to some out of the country so if we go, we basically have to make the wedding our family holiday for that year! Two of these were in 2020 so we didn’t actually end up going, I was quite excited for these, as the location was somewhere on the bucket list anyway and kids were invited but I do think it quite absurd to expect friends to pay £1000s to attend your wedding. I have never married, still with the dad of my children but always had better things to spend our money on than wedding!

Weddings needn't cost a lot to go to unless they aren't local. You don't need to buy an expensive outfit you will never wear again, and you buy a gift that you can easily afford.

@RampantIvy @Stressedoutmammy that's the thing really that would make my decision about going - the cost.
I don't have a lot of spare money. I went to visit my parents before Christmas and my mum sent the money for the train ticket for me and my daughter (around £45) because she knows we don't have a lot of money.
I would feel quite bitter to have to pay out for an event I am unlikely to enjoy (because I simply do not enjoy the type of events like a traditional wedding).
As I have said - I would suck it up for very close relatives but even then if they chose to do something like get married abroad unless they were willing to pay for 3 new passports, travel and accommodation costs then I wouldn't be going because I quite simply cannot afford it.
Even if I absolutely loved weddings unless transport costs and a gift came to under £50 or so - I won't be going.

I know it's an expense and can get a bit much but after a few years the weddings peter out when you're older.
I see weddings in other cultures & they look so happy, dancing and celebrating. My own wedding was a happy event.
When did we become so miserable in this country, or is this misery only in mumsnet world?

@Roiesin57 why is it considered "miserable" if a person doesn't like "typical" weddings?
As I have said on this thread I simply don't enjoy dressing up fancy, fancy food and dancing. Does that make me miserable?
I also wouldn't enjoy going to a football match but a lot of people enjoy that - am I miserable for that too?
I enjoy other things in life. Lots of other things.

Most wedding venues I have been invited to are about an hour away and rural so no public transport options, so we either have to drive home after long day or stay over, the venues are usually very nice with captive clientele so price to stay and drinks are very expensive. I do usually enjoy when I am there, but I still find them a massive hassle and expense and I do wish children were invited. There is one venue local to us that we have been to a few weddings at and if I see an invite for one of them I am definitely more game!

I absolutely adore getting to go to friends' weddings. Even if we're not super close, I find the ceremonies lovely and genuinely enjoy them because I care about my friends a lot. In fairness I've never had any outrageous requests from bridezillas, and I'm extroverted.
I'll buy an outfit in my budget, wear one I have or swap with friends. Likewise drinks, I'll only spend within my budget. Travel and accommodation is the tricky part, I'm lucky that friends have got married either close enough to where I live to go home after, or in lovely places that I happily turned into a longer break.
I haven't given gifts though, just cards - all invites said none were required, but did include a suggestion of what to give if you really wanted to, and I decided to take them at their word which I hope was acceptable.

Be aware and sensitive to your friends and family's likely limitations and elope if you want to, but I'd be surprised if your entire potential guestlist would see it as a nuisance! They can always decline if they don't want to attend.

Most of the comments here sound so selfish. No mention of happiness in seeing their friends/family celebrating their love and commitment for one another. Pretty sad really.

I’m having a small ish wedding with close family and friends and good food. Lots of weddings in recent years have been a bit different to the usual. I think it’s lovely that couples can share their day and show their personalities throughout it.

At least a lot of you are honest in saying you basically cba attending. But I think it’s quite sad and I’d be disappointed if my friends thought of my wedding day as a ‘chore’

@upthehills1 unfortunately when it comes to what families can afford to do - going to a wedding is very low down on the list of priorities unless it's a very very close relative or friend.
It's often not being selfish - people just can't justify the costs involved.

Im approaching 50 so weddings don’t often happen. More funerals than weddings.

but im not fussed about them really. Went to one last year and it was nice, spent about £70 on my attire and didnt drink so cheap.

but id refuse to go to one away from home purely on the cost factor.

I'm rarely bothered!

When I read the wedding stress threads on here (especially re the bonkers bridezillas) I wonder how many of these self-centred drama queens realise how few of their guests give a fig about their weddings?

Start from the obvious premise that mainly you and (hopefully your partner), then probably some close relations and few friends do actually care about the shenanigans, and that most other people have been ''summoned'. That will help put things in perspective and possibly lead to a better all-round experience for everyone.

I think that's a reflection on you and your friends (or family ?) rather than 'weddings' generally.
Virtually all the couple whose wedding I went to 30, 35 and 40 years ago are still married. I also have friends who have been married 50, 60, 65 and yes, one couple I know even celebrated their 70th!. But equally I can't think of anyone whose wedding I've been to in the last 10 years who has since divorced.

I've also been to weddings in Churches (of a variety of sorts), hotels, 'wedding venues', a marquee in a field, registry offices of different sizes.
Receptions in hotels, 2 in marquees in field, a few in Church halls or local community halls, a couple in a restaurant, one in someone's parent's home,
I've been to afternoon teas, hog roasts, buffets, a Chinese meal, one where where we paid for ourselves, many where there was a sit down meal, one where it was a hot meal served in a Church hall.
I've been to weddings where there is no evening party and weddings where there was a disco. I've been to weddings where there was a Caleigh, and others where there was a barn dance. I've been where there was a band, where there was a DJ and where the couple had a Spotify list. I've been where there was just background music and chat. I've been where there were games out for people to play, and no dancing.
There were 11 of us at the smallest wedding I've been to (long before Covid) and I think the biggest I've been to was probably 120, but I know of Indian friends' weddings where there have been hundreds of people there.

I'm very surprised at any claim that "you’ve been to one you’ve been to them all".

I absolutely adore getting to go to friends' weddings. Even if we're not super close, I find the ceremonies lovely and genuinely enjoy them because I care about my friends a lot. In fairness I've never had any outrageous requests from bridezillas, and I'm extroverted.
I'll buy an outfit in my budget, wear one I have or swap with friends. Likewise drinks, I'll only spend within my budget.

I agree with this.

It always amazes me on MN how many people "feel obliged" to go, in the first place, and then moan about it costing them ££££. If you don't want to go, then don't. It's not difficult - potentially sibling aside, but then surely you'd want to go to your sibling's wedding, in a normal loving family ?