Are you bothered by going to other peoples weddings?

[incomeout]

AIBU to think that most people see going to a wedding as an expensive chore

Finding something to wear. Potential time off work. Childcare arrangements. Wedding gifts. Possible hotel and travel costs. Money for drinks on the day. Time taken for ceremony and all that comes with the day.

Yes it's lovely and all but aside from the couple that are getting married, others can't really be that bothered can they.

On the above basis - would you be tempted to do an elopement wedding, thinking that you would both save yourself loads of money on the wedding and save friends and family the time and expense of attending?

Not a fan of weddings for all of the reasons you state.

I absolutely love weddings! They are a wonderful opportunity to see loads of fabulous friends, eat good food, and dance! Generally I haven’t found them expensive, but I don’t buy new outfits, and most of them haven’t been too distant - those that have been further we’ve just booked a Premier Inn. I’ve never had to take a day off work. I’ve been to maybe 20-25 weddings and they’ve all been great.

Also, the whole point of a public wedding ceremony is that (in church anyway) all your friends, family, and the local community promise to support you in your married life. I think that’s lovely.

I’ve never actually been to a wedding that’s had loads of friends. I’ve been to lots of weddings and I might know B or G and maybe a couple of other people.
I actually went to an ex colleagues wedding with a bunch of other colleagues and that was good fun (although she split us all up for the meal with was stupid).
Or if it’s one of DHs school friends it’s maybe a couple of people whom I’ve met once/twice before.
I think my issue is having to socialise with loads of strangers who I will never see again. There’s probably a wedding in DHs family coming up. We live 5 hours away, I’ve not seen any of them in years and years. I think the aunts and uncles won’t get all invited like they did in the past (massive family) because of cost.

And all the speeches made exclusively by men at most (though not all) of them. Hideous.

No.

I would rather go: hiking, distance running, caving, to a festival, to a bands all-dayer, to a museum or other historical place of interest, to a local fete, to a local arts trail, to another city to look around.

Is it really too much of a stretch to think that there are other things people might like to be doing with their precious weekends?

Being older than most of the MN demographic my experience of weddings is very different from the average mumsnetter.

a) All of the weddings were local to where the couple lived
b) None of them were formal with loads of boring speeches or hours of waiting around for photographs to be taken
c) Most of them were family weddings, and I have a good relationship with all of my family members and with DH's family members, and like to have a good catch up with them
c) I didn't feel guilt tripped obliged to buy and expensive outfit or an expensive wedding gift
d) I have no expectation of being in any photos

They're tedious. I don't like being told what to wear, what to eat, and sit through a load of boring speeches and awkward dad dancing. Usually you never see the bride and groom for more than about 5 mins, there's loads of waiting around for them to do photos etc. It seems very indulgent to me.

And that's assuming it's a normal wedding - I went to one that was more like a funeral because the bride's mum had died a few years before, I went to one that was ominous crashing storms all the way through and everyone got soaking, I went to one where the groom had a fit one of his friends hadn't turned up and everyone else was basically snubbed, and I went to one where the table we were seated at was the MIL's friends who spent the whole time discussing how long it would be before the couple were going to get divorced because no one liked him!

I think the only way people cope is to get absolutely wasted. I don't think anyone enjoys them without alcohol, and I say that as someone who very rarely drinks.

Same here.

I love a wedding. The ceremony is nice, the canapés and chit chat, dinner, speeches, chance to dance generally without the sticky floor or too many creepy people I don't know. Great chance to catch up with old friends but also quite like meeting people.

Also agree with this.

Also, like @RampantIvy 's post on a previous page (can only quote one) we'd been in that space between my generation getting married and our dc's generation, but had sadly had quite a few funerals to go to. When the eldest of the next generation got married not long before Covid, so many family members commented on how nice it was to have all the family together in celebration and happy mood after so long. Our extended family live in different places, so not often do we get the chance to all get together. I love a wedding for that. But, as (some) others have said, it is also nice to meet new people - the other side of the family, and the couple's friends.

Why claim "most people" when you mean yourself? You're allowed to have an opinion without having a massive following. Don't try to rope others in with no evidence.
Personally I love weddings and would happily go to more of them. However, I don't like organising a massive, expensive party and thus we eloped with my husband.

I find weddings tedious. But somehow I've ended up getting engaged and having a wedding this year. My plan is to make it as untedious as possible by having it local, start late so no hanging around and just a buffet. I hope people will tolerate it.

Hate weddings , would always decline , unless an immediate family member.

I'm not miserable and love a wedding. Asian weddings have several events though and can last the course of a week so I am selective about which events I go to. For instance my cousin got married and because of issues with getting time off, distance and cost I went to two events. For me the distance, cost, time off work or school and who's wedding it actually is does matter so I have to take all that onto consideration.

Why claim "most people" when you mean yourself?

I imagine that anyone reading mumsnet threads about weddings would think that this applies to most people.

From mumsnet wedding threads I could be in danger of thinking that most weddings are destination weddings or are taking place in remote and expensive hotels, that they are all child free, that everyone has hundreds of "close" friends, that everyone gives three figure sums as wedding gifts and buys expensive outfits for these weddings.

This isn't the case for any of the weddings I have attended.

Yes, we had to travel for my niece's wedding, but this was because it was held in her home town 200 miles away from where we live. We just took rooms above a pub and drove there. My dress cost less than £30, I wore shoes I already owned, DH wore clothes he already owned and DD bought a new trouser suit that she can wear to several occasions.