Are you bothered by going to other peoples weddings?

[incomeout]

AIBU to think that most people see going to a wedding as an expensive chore

Finding something to wear. Potential time off work. Childcare arrangements. Wedding gifts. Possible hotel and travel costs. Money for drinks on the day. Time taken for ceremony and all that comes with the day.

Yes it's lovely and all but aside from the couple that are getting married, others can't really be that bothered can they.

On the above basis - would you be tempted to do an elopement wedding, thinking that you would both save yourself loads of money on the wedding and save friends and family the time and expense of attending?

I also love a wedding.

But if the people concerned didn't have a house already I'd think they were sensible if they eloped to cut their own costs.

I’ve only been to 2 weddings in my entire life and they didn’t cost me anything (first one I was under 18 and went with my parents, second I went to the evening do only, and no I didn’t bring a gift). Absolutely couldn’t give less of a shit about weddings. I really respect it when people have a low key thing with no guests just because they actually want to be married. Big expensive showy weddings I think are a grotesque waste of money.

I also just kind of…don’t care? Like I’m glad if people I know are in happy relationships but getting married is only really interesting and exciting to the couple, isn’t it? I’m also ideologically opposed to marriage as an institution because of its history of subjugating women so I don’t buy into the romantic aspect. I respect that other people have very different views on weddings and marriage and would wish a friend all the best and congratulations if they got engaged but because my friends and I have lots of lively debates on social/political/feminist topics they’re well aware of how I feel about marriage myself. So in short OP if you eloped I’d actually respect that way more than if you had the whole spectacle, but I also would probably turn down most wedding invites (not that I’m expecting any)

I love going to weddings, but then I don't have much extended family and didn't have the experience of being a kid bored at weddings or being invited as an adult to weddings of anyone I wasn't quite close to.

There's no obligation to buy a new outfit every time or a pricey present and I seldom went to any weddings that absolutely required a hotel stay, though maybe that's a function of being a Londoner.

I'm a bit sad our 'weddings era' is long over now, it'll be a wait until/if it's our kids', nieces' and nephews' turns! And that's likely a good 15+ years away.

I try to like weddings but tbh, I find the full big day ones abit boring. Quite formulaic. There's a venue nearish us that's used for weddings and I think we spent one summer there every weekend for a wedding. I think we started declining a few invites after that summer, it was too much.

I do love a small wedding though.

My fav weddings have been late afternoon/early evening ones.

I liked the ones we attended in the States which all seemed to be later on in the day.

I absolutely LOVE a wedding.

I love weddings but each to their own!

I love going to weddings, I like getting dressed up, I like the positive vibes surrounding the day, the food, the dancing etc.

Luckily all the weddings we’ve been invited to were family /close friends so they’ve all been a joy to attend and we’ve not felt like a spare part (apart from one work friends wedding where we weren’t invited to the reception, just the ceremony and evening do, which I thought was weird!)

In terms of them being expensive, I guess it depends where they are.
We’ve been to a destination wedding abroad which was amazing and we made a holiday of it.
We were invited to another one a couple of years ago but it was too expensive, so I just politely told her that, it was no big deal and we’re still friends now.

I LOVE weddings! In spite of the fact that I've been to hundreds as part of my former career, I have never got fed up of seeing my friends get married. I always feel honoured to be there.

I don't buy new outfits for each wedding. I can't drink so only need to pay for a hotel if it's far away and even then will go for the cheapest one. And we give just what we can afford to give. So they don't feel unaffordable to us.

I think it's wonderful to make that lifelong commitment surrounded by people who love you. So we had an enormous wedding and were thrilled to be joined my most of the people we really loved. And in turn we love celebrating other people's new marriages.

I wouldn't judge anyone for eloping and would warmly congratulate them and want to hear all about it. But I'd feel privately disappointed.

Loved them in my late 20s and early 30s. Over them now. Faff.

People's expectations and entitlement.

@incomeout

@anothernamechangeagainsndagain

now that's a wedding I could get excited about!!

A wedding in a 'fussy' venue, expected to wear a fussy 👗 & 👠 I'd rather chew my own toes off!

this year I've volunteered to dog sit for a friends 'destination' wedding. She's torn between feeling upset I'm not going & thrilled knowing her boys will be well looked after.

I'm thrilled to be avoiding all the hassle & expense and having a couple of weeks with the boys!

Weddings are all the same-y really and yes it is hassle
I'm happy when I can get out of going to a wedding but yes there are some (family weddings) that I have to attend and they are usually a couple of hours away from where I live now. I see it as a very expensive chore.

I don’t enjoy them at all and usually decline.

I can take or leave weddings tbh, and I've only been to 7 in my entire life.

Yep, “we haven’t invited you to our wedding, in order to save you money. You’re welcome” is not a great message OP!

Elope if you want to elope, but don’t pretend it is a selfless sacrifice you are making solely for the benefit of your guests.

We had a very small wedding of under 20 including a meal after, plus a house party for a wider group in the evening 😄

I don't enjoy weddings, I know everyone thinks their wedding was unique but really they're all the same. I'd be very happy never to attend another one.

i have a small family and most of my friends aren’t the marrying type, so I’ve only been to about 6 weddings in the past 20 years, and only once had to find childcare. The novelty of that means I quite like weddings - but I can see how I’d tire of them if I had to spend all spring and summer attending weddings and hen dos, as some people do.

Are you my mum? The first thing she said when I got engaged was don’t invite any of your friends or family, they won’t come (they all did). She just somehow assumes because she doesn’t like going to weddings no one does.

I'm not that sociable really, and don't particularly enjoy big gatherings like weddings. I wasn't even that keen on the social aspect of my own.
Some folk love a celebration though, and as long as guests aren't expected to fork out silly money, then folk can crack on and celebrate (just don't expect me be there unless we're quite close).

A wedding is a massive project to take on.
Wasn’t for me… We just did something small.

I do enjoy them but at the same time find them quite stressful, having to talk to loads of people I don't know, the expectation to dance, the fact that you rarely get to speak to the people you know best (the bride and groom) - I'm a shy introvert. Went to a destination wedding this summer and it was absolutely wonderful, like a luxury holiday. We did spend a fortune to get there though.

I love weddings but would decline a midweek one unless for very close family (as a teacher, time off work for it is difficult) go for the wedding you want and just be ready for any consequences (eg decide how to deal with ppl who are annoyed at missing an 'elopement' wedding, midweek might mean ppl decline etc).

I would never buy a new dress for a wedding unless I could see other occasions I might wear it. If travel and other costs were too high I would politely decline (and have in the past), there's no point going if you are going to resent the cost (declines due to cost being one of the consequences a couple should reasonably consider when planning a wedding)

Apart from my own, I can only think of 8 weddings I have been to in 40 years of adulthood. I suppose for the reason that I haven't been to many, I would quite enjoy attending a wedding, but I wouldn't pay to travel abroad for one.

@JingleSnowmanTree

Just hope my guests aren't disappointed by it not being a "classy posh place" good beer on draft was one criteria as was being able ti work with the chef on the menu. We are supporting our local community, literally 200m from our house, local band we've seen lots of times ... not posh though

I love a wedding! That being said, I think I’m lucky because I’ve not been to a lot of samey weddings and even when I haven’t known many people, the other guests have been a joy. I personally wouldn’t elope but couple should do what works for them.