Are you bothered by going to other peoples weddings?

[incomeout]

AIBU to think that most people see going to a wedding as an expensive chore

Finding something to wear. Potential time off work. Childcare arrangements. Wedding gifts. Possible hotel and travel costs. Money for drinks on the day. Time taken for ceremony and all that comes with the day.

Yes it's lovely and all but aside from the couple that are getting married, others can't really be that bothered can they.

On the above basis - would you be tempted to do an elopement wedding, thinking that you would both save yourself loads of money on the wedding and save friends and family the time and expense of attending?

I had a huge expensive wedding and I do wonder why we bothered. The marriage is more important than that one day. And I think it cost more than £20000. That money could have been really useful for a house deposit/savings/anything else.

I've only ever been to the weddings of family and closer friends, where I already know most people attending, and it's just been a lovely ceremony with a big but relaxed and happy party afterwards. My own was like this, too. I've never been to a big, formal wedding so that probably influences my answer but I've always enjoyed them.

I love a wedding but think whoever's wedding it is should do it exactly how they want.

10 years ago I would have said how much I love a good wedding. Nowadays it's all too expensive, and I weigh up the cost vs how much I actually like them.

Weddings can be either for me. Some where I know loads of people are fab. Some I've attended out of duty or the logistics have made them harder work and I've not enjoyed as much.

I love a wedding.

I've got 2, 2 days in a row next year at opposite sides of the country, so that will be a bit of a chore, but otherwise I love a wedding.

I went to a lot of weddings in my youth and I’m a bit over them. Some were great but lots were massive amount of travel, lots and lots of hanging around with no food/drink, terrible/small meals, ear splitting discos not being able to speak to anyone. My friends wedding the speeches went on for 2 hours! It was not fun. We weren’t fed till they were done as well.

I enjoy weddings mostly. I hate the speeches though. I genuinely find them cringey and all but the most outgoing of people spend all of the months leading up to and all of the day of the wedding in a state of utter stress. I don't understand why anyone would do that to someone they claim to have enough fondness for to ask them to be best man!
I don't enjoy the increasingly lavish hen and stag parties/weekends/holidays. They end up costing as much as a family holiday.
I know of so many bride and grooms who have been so worried about their weddings that's they've not enjoyed the day they've spent so much time and effort and money on and I think that is such a shame. If a wedding is causing stress to you, surely it is time to make some changes!

We decided to do a civil partnership instead because we didn't feel the need to have a big wedding.
We had attended 2 weddings as guests a couple years before and decided a wedding definitely wasn't for us.
We didn't tell anyone about it until afterwards.
We asked 2 neighbours to come with us to be our witnesses but they didn't know where we were going or why.
It took 7 mins (which included letting our witnesses take photos afterwards) and cost £47.

I think weddings are all the same. Honestly can't be arsed with them, just as well I've not been to one in years. My favourite one was a very small wedding with bbq in at their house. Lots of lovely flowers, loving relatives and friends. Not everyone's taste, it was around covid hence why it was small.

Yes, the speeches and waiting around for the photo sessions are the worst parts. Yet B&G continue to inflict these on captive guests. So thoughtless.

Aw I love weddings and happy to spend what I can afford to attend one. If I couldn't afford it then I would decline but I'd be sad about that. I'm young so have only actually been to a few weddings so far tbf! We have two in 2024 and DH and I are both in the bridal/groom's party for one of them.

I love going to a wedding. Kids would come, if not (and they have them), they would go to grandparents. Gift 20-40 quids worth. Hotel maybe if a way away, but it’s rare so not like I’m spending it monthly. Time off from work, AL for a day or 2, yes can be a pain getting it. But I don’t find them stressful planning to go to one

Love a wedding but it's dependent on cost and relationship to bride and groom.

I'd go abroad for a sibling, child or best friend. But I wouldn't for anyone else.

I wouldn't rack up a lot of expense for a colleague.

all those people who CANNOT STAND weddings!! Why?! Would you rather stay home in pj’s?! What is it?

No I'm not overly keen. Big, showy weddings are an expensive faff unless you're very showy yourself and money is no object. I would think that more people than not don't enjoy going to them.
Destination weddings are pretty entitled events if guests are expected to pay for themselves, if it was for a very close friend or family member I might not mind.

a) they aren't really much of a life transition any more. When I was young (I am 60) people having big white weddings generally really WERE evolving to new circumstances, moving from parents or roommates to a new home with their spouse and embarking on a completely new stage of life.

Nowadays they likely are longtime couples who have been living together and even having children together, so what's the big deal? Nothing is changed come the Monday after the wedding. Ho hum. Why should anyone other than them get excited about it?

b) weddings have evolved from a Saturday afternoon event to multi-day extravaganzas involving lots of time, effort and expense on the part of the guests, who generally are rewarded with a cheap skimpy glass of fizz for a toast after waiting around ages for the photo sessions or god forbid an even longer gap, who get a cookie-cutter plated third-rate meal, loud DJ and other delights. Or worse, the "evening do" invitation which blatantly says "you are second- or third-rate in our esteem but please do come and bring a gift and pay for your own drinks."

c) the whole hen/stag/shower grabs are tedious and bloated.

Those are just a few reasons that it no longer is pleasant to be a wedding guest, unless one is part of the wedding party or closely related to B&G.

@LuckySantangelo35 why I dislike (traditional) weddings....
I don't like having to wear dressed-up clothes
I don't like formal meals
I don't like alcohol (and there's usually lots)
I don't like dancing
And I just find them boring.
Would I prefer to sit home in my jammies? Deep down probably yes (it's my favourite activity 😂) but if I was going to a wedding I would just enjoy it so much more if it was just less formal.
I used to enjoy watching the CBBC show "Marrying Mum and Dad" where children planned their parents weddings. It was great. There was always a theme connected to something the parents enjoyed (for example Race Cars or Medieval History). There was often silly activities and games, dressing up in daft costumes and fun food.
A wedding like that I might consider going too.
A casual style one with no fancy clothes and a BBQ/buffet and some fun things to do....maybe.
A traditional style formal one - urrgh no thanks.
My exception will be if my daughter or nieces or nephew get married. I will suck it up and attend whatever type they choose.
My daughter tbh if she gets married will probably want KFC as her wedding meal.

@Needmorelego

whats so bad about more formal clothes?

@LuckySantangelo35 I am just not confident and comfortable in formal style clothes.

I love a wedding and always feel very honoured to have been invited. If I ever did feel it was unaffordable or a chore I would just RSVP no.

No I agree they can be a bit of a social expectation. It’s not the wedding itself that’s the problem, it’s the travel and the logistics and the waiting around making small talk and getting a dress to wear.
Feeling obliged to go but it being a weekday, fancy dress or on another country, or impractical / childfree all makes it difficult. It makes me grumpy too !
I love to wish the happy couple well, see them get married and have a dance. It’s just the getting there the annual leave the everything that winds me up.

I absolutely bloody love a wedding. Love hanging out with friends and family. Love seeing friends / family tie the knot. Love dressing up (on occasion). Love having a night away with friends / family at a nice hotel. Love having a night off being a responsible mum. Love a bit of day time drinking. Love letting my hair down and having a dance. I even love a ceilidh.
Most people I know feel the same as me. Most of my friends are fun, lovely, sociable people.

I like going to weddings of close friends and family where we'll know loads of people there, i genuinely love the couple etc.

Its less fun when:

• its in the arse end of nowhere or worst of all: abroad
• its something like a more distant relative, colleague or old uni friend and you know you will know few people there, and be on a remote table of randoms.
• its a very long religious ceremony

All of this :)