Are you bothered by going to other peoples weddings?

[incomeout]

AIBU to think that most people see going to a wedding as an expensive chore

Finding something to wear. Potential time off work. Childcare arrangements. Wedding gifts. Possible hotel and travel costs. Money for drinks on the day. Time taken for ceremony and all that comes with the day.

Yes it's lovely and all but aside from the couple that are getting married, others can't really be that bothered can they.

On the above basis - would you be tempted to do an elopement wedding, thinking that you would both save yourself loads of money on the wedding and save friends and family the time and expense of attending?

I find them expensive chores.
We compromised and it worked well, immediate family and a few friends in normal clothes at the registry office and a meal down the high street at a good Italian. Had a lovely day without regrets

Really? A good wedding is a great party with two people you love declaring their love for each other! It’s amazing.

I love a wedding. The ceremony is nice, the canapés and chit chat, dinner, speeches, chance to dance generally without the sticky floor or too many creepy people I don't know. Great chance to catch up with old friends but also quite like meeting people. Actually a bit sad most of my school and uni friends are married off now as it was a great ready made weekend catch up.

So I don't think weddings are universally hated. Presumably you know your friends a bit to know if they feel like this. Elope if you want but I don't think you need to feel you have to!

We did elope and it was blissfully easy.

I'm not bothered by going to weddings. I dont like travelling to a venue hours away if the couple are local. I dont mind travelling to the couples local area.

I think weddings have changed from a wedding at the local church and a reception in the local pub with a home made cake into big events.

It's obviously popular and he new normal but I prefer the weddings where it's more about having everyone than having everything.

Definitely 2 camps here on this one 😅 Those who embrace the events (in whatever form chosen by the couple!) and those who cba because it’s not their thing or it’s too far etc.

Personally, I love travelling, seeing new places and meeting different people so I always make the most of it. But some people don’t like change and like to stay in their comfort zone. Is it an introvert/extrovert divide? Who knows! I just think outs such a shame for couples to think their friends just can’t be bothered going

Lots of mumsnetters just like staying home wearing pyjamas and getting all cosy “in my lovely home” and “just me and my little family” , maybe doing some batch cooking. And not opening the door if anyone knocks. Friends and wider family are seen as an inconvenience to “family time”. So I guess it’s no suprise that weddings are thought of negatively

@LuckySantangelo35 nah .... weddings are just dull 😂

@Needmorelego

…in your opinion.

plenty of people have said they like them.

@LuckySantangelo35 I agree with you 100%.
People like different things.
So that's why I don't understand why so many on this thread are all "what's not to like - how can you possibly not enjoy a wedding" and all that.
Some people enjoy them.
Some people don't.
Some people would love to go but can't afford to attend.
People who care about someone enough to want to invite them to theit wedding should be understanding and accepting if that person doesn't attend for whatever reason 🙂

@Needmorelego

to an extent…
if I invited a good friend to my wedding and they declined just because they don’t like ‘fancy food’ and prefer pizza, or something like that, I would be a bit 🤨

We eloped, and I now only go to weddings of close friends or family and even then it’s a bit of a chore mainly because of all the sitting around and making small talk with others whilst the bridge and groom do photos, cake, dancing etc. but to be honest I’m at that age where I go to more funerals now 🤦‍♀️

I’m not sure that’s correct in many cases. I’m the absolute opposite. I nearly always book something far more exciting to do that intentionally clashes with a wedding. You’d be surprised how often a European city break can clashed with a wedding!

What I find sad is when people "enjoy" weddings when younger and not married themselves. Then they want everyone excited for their wedding. And once married, can't be arsed anymore.
I'm getting married later this year and I'm the last of all my friends (mid 40s). And I know all my friends would rather not bother as they've made comments in the past about other weddings (not mine but obviously I remember previous things they've said). But obviously I can't not invite good friends and they all lie well and say they can't wait. So we all just pretend together that they want to come!
I feel like being unlucky and meeting your partner later means you don't get anyone actually looking forward to your wedding etc.
(Oh and I am inviting any children they have. It's not abroad. It's on a weekend. There's no weird dress code. So I'm not expecting people to pay thousands to attend!)

@LuckySantangelo35 luckily my friends know I can be funny with food. That's what friendship is about - knowing and accepting one another.

@Needmorelego

or they could just change their menu for you in order for you to be able to come?

@ArtisticMeeg aww, I'm sure your friends are really looking forward to your big day especially since most won't have been at a wedding for a while.

I think people do get tired of weddings when they are just bogged down with life, bills, juggling work, and tiny little kids. Trying to commit time and money to Hen Dos and weddings is hard - esp if they have multiple weddings in the same year.

However once people are in their mid 40s, weddings are rarer, most are beyond the tiny kids going to bed at 7pm stage and heavy nursery bills so have a bit more time and money on their hands.

@LuckySantangelo35 I wouldn't expect anyone to completely change their menu choices just for me 😂
To be honest (and I might have said this several pages back - I can't remember) my lack of enthusiasm for weddings is more about the cost. Maybe it's sounds selfish but I don't want to have to spend out money on an event I really won't be enjoying - because I don't have a lot of spare money.
Would anyone really want to do that? A poster upthread said that going to a particular wedding would have meant a choice between doing that - or having a family holiday. You'd really sacrifice going on a family holiday for a mates wedding?
If I was a millionaire maybe I'd think differently and think "meh ok I'll go" but I am not a millionaire (sadly).
I only have a limited amount of spare finances. I'm not going to spend them on event I would hate. That's the truth.
Sorry it seems to annoy so many on this thread but - whatever 🙂😂

I really loved them when I was younger. Now, I’m only really interested when it’s family or a very close friend. I don’t mind the cost but the childcare is a hassle if kids not invited, and generally I think they’re too long and can get a bit boring.

They can be fun, but I'd always rather be doing something else (and always something that is outside the house still, as some have commented on a potential introvert/extrovert divide). I hate the ones with commercial DJs too, just not my music, and in fancy places with seating plans, just too showy for me.

I'm probably a huge grump in that when my partner told me a friend of his had got engaged, my first thought was, "oh God, that's another precious weekend day to give up then". I imagine many people find being a plus one a drag however, particularly if their partner won't know many people there either and so using the occasion to get to know the partner's other friends won't happen. I also know it isn't a summons and I don't have to go, but I'd feel bad ditching my partner if he wouldn't have other friends there. Not going with your partner without good reason if they do have friends going is a grey area!

I’m not a fan, it’s a faff and expensive. But then I’m a miserable moo!!

My family are quite scattered. I like my family a lot and love an excuse for a family get together the last few having been funerals. The last wedding was a family one, and very enjoyable.

Wow! Surprised at all the haters!
Love a wedding, love all the nice clothes, the food, dancing. Fab.

Wait until they're out of the toddler years and haven't gone to an adult party in half a decade. They'll be gagging for it.

DP and I have no plans to get married, for reasons all our friends know, but recently we've had several pointed remarks along the lines of "we know you don't believe in marriage but if you just got married we could go to a PARTY".

@gannett I totally agree I think @ArtisticMeegwill have friends and family who are desperate to go to her wedding no pretence about it. Please take them at face value they can't wait.

Forget what they said in the past when children were tiny and time and money was precious and weddings were every common.

Please enjoy the excitement of your wedding and enjoy the excitement of your friends.

@ArtisticMeeg the time when people sort of dread weddings is early 30s when there seem to be so many. We were sort of lucky in 2020 with Covid as we were supposed to go to FIVE weddings, all abroad. It was insane. Covid made them either cancel or keep it small, thank god. But we still had at least 3 weddings a year for about 3-4 years, it seemed relentless.

By the time you're mid 40s people can get more excited. Also, while I have also moaned about "another wedding" at some stage, it was just a moan, we still went, and had a lovely lovely time each time. Sometimes people need a moan (cost, stress etc) but it doesn't mean they don't want to make the effort.