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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are you bothered by going to other peoples weddings?

314 replies

incomeout · 04/01/2024 15:57

AIBU to think that most people see going to a wedding as an expensive chore

Finding something to wear. Potential time off work. Childcare arrangements. Wedding gifts. Possible hotel and travel costs. Money for drinks on the day. Time taken for ceremony and all that comes with the day.

Yes it's lovely and all but aside from the couple that are getting married, others can't really be that bothered can they.

On the above basis - would you be tempted to do an elopement wedding, thinking that you would both save yourself loads of money on the wedding and save friends and family the time and expense of attending?

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 07/01/2024 22:06

There's a lot of foods I don't like and if eating at an event I prefer more casual buffet style or pizza/BBQ type which weddings don't tend to go for.

I think I have been to more weddings where there has been an informal buffet that a formal sit down meal.

I have only once been asked to be in wedding photos, and that was at my godmother's wedding.

Needmorelego · 07/01/2024 22:09

@TedMullins I actually found the official legal words I had to say at my own marriage ceremony so cringey - and we went for the most basic ever. Literally just the legal words. No vows.
Urrgh it was just so cheesy and embarrassing. I am not an actress. I don't want to be star of the show thank you very much.

Needmorelego · 07/01/2024 22:11

@RampantIvy you've obviously had luck. We had a buffet at mine - but the others I have attended were very formal indeed. Fancy sit down meals. If I was invited to a wedding with a BBQ I might consider going - but that's never happened.

Needmorelego · 07/01/2024 22:26

To be honest this thread was the OP asking if people really want to go to the more "traditional" style weddings when invited or should she and her intended not bother.
The responses show everyone is different.
The important thing to me is I would like to think that is someone is inviting a friend or relative to their wedding they should know actually know something about that person. They should know what might make someone uncomfortable or something that they know their friends would absolutely love.
If they don't know enough about their friends/relatives to be able to think of that - why are they inviting them?

sagalooshoe · 07/01/2024 22:31

I find weddings fun and a good chance to catch up with friends, drink, eat, dance and celebrate, what's not to like?

The thing I do feel quite bad about though, is that I always think 'what a load of cliche (but fun!) and expense (but enjoyable for the guests!) to get yourself hooked up to someone you might despise or be bored of in a few years time with no easy get out'. I feel bad for thinking this and I try not to think about it on the day but I can't help it 😶

UsingChangeofName · 07/01/2024 22:59

The responses show everyone is different.

The important thing to me is I would like to think that is someone is inviting a friend or relative to their wedding they should know actually know something about that person. They should know what might make someone uncomfortable or something that they know their friends would absolutely love.
If they don't know enough about their friends/relatives to be able to think of that - why are they inviting them?

Within your same post, you've reminded us that everyone is different, but then you've suggested that the hosts should take into account all their guests quirks and preferences and pander to them ???
How do you suggest they do that?

So, if guest A feels uncomfortable eating a formal meal (as suggested above) and Guest B feels uncomfortable at the idea of a buffet. What are you suggesting the host does to make both guests comfortable ?

Needmorelego · 07/01/2024 23:17

@UsingChangeofName the answer to that is to not feel insulted or annoyed if either A or B decline to attend.
Or to make them feel bad if they don't attend.

UsingChangeofName · 07/01/2024 23:25

But the offence caused by not inviting someone "because you think they might not like something" has the potential to be huge.

The best thing to do is to invite people, who can then choose to accept or not.

Posters on here froth at the mouth when people "presume" they will or won't like something.

Needmorelego · 07/01/2024 23:40

@UsingChangeofName yes of course invite who you want and they can decide whether or not to attend.
Just don't be annoyed or angry at them and say silly things like "but you're my best friend and you're ruining my wedding day blah blah".

HareSalient · 08/01/2024 06:48

Needmorelego · 07/01/2024 23:40

@UsingChangeofName yes of course invite who you want and they can decide whether or not to attend.
Just don't be annoyed or angry at them and say silly things like "but you're my best friend and you're ruining my wedding day blah blah".

Are you saying that you wouldn’t get over your food fussiness and camera-shyness for a single day and climb out of your tracksuit bottoms for your closest friend?

Needmorelego · 08/01/2024 08:39

@HareSalient if I had a friend who I was that close too they would know about me and what I am like 😂
As I have said (several times) for my own daughter, nieces and nephew - if they get married - I would suck it up as much as I can.
I don't have any friends that I am that close too so thankfully I don't have to go to any weddings !!

upthehills1 · 08/01/2024 11:23

Based on your attitude towards your friends I would be surprised if any were close to you tbh.

It’s interesting that most commenters who cba going to their friends weddings have already had weddings of their own. How would you all have felt if half your friends replied with ‘nah I can’t be bothered attending’. It’s very insightful to see such bitter attitudes here

Needmorelego · 08/01/2024 12:11

@upthehills1 charming. I have friends. I just don't have a "BFF" (well I do but I married him😂).
As for my own wedding - I didn't want one. I just wanted to get married. I compromised for my (now) husband and we had approximately 20 people - 16 of which were our parents, siblings and our daughter. Register Office and a buffet at my sister in laws house 😂

meganorks · 08/01/2024 12:19

I love weddings. All my friends love weddings. Mumsnet seems to have a lot of wedding haters. Any threat about weddings seems to decend into a competition for who paid the least for their entire wedding.

Personally I'd say if you hate weddings then what you actually hate (or at least don't really care about) are the people getting married. We currently have a save the date for my DHs cousins wedding. Whenever I mention it he pulls a face. If it was any of our friends he would be super excited about it! But he isn't close to his cousin and is dreading spending a day making polite conversation with his entire extended family. I get it.

Needmorelego · 08/01/2024 12:19

@upthehills1 the point of this thread was though that the OP wanted to know if people are really that fussed about attending "traditional" weddings or should she not have one.
That's what she was asking.
Most people on the thread seem to be all for it so if that's the type of wedding the OP wants it she can go for it.
If every post had been like me ("god no.... urrgh weddings....😂) the I assume she would think "ok maybe not".
I would hope the OP knows her relatives and friends close enough to know if they would enjoy her plans, can financially afford to attend, can easily get to the venue etc.

Needmorelego · 08/01/2024 12:22

@meganorks "if you hate weddings you actually hate the people having the wedding" - err what 😂🤔?
Strange thing to say.

ManchesterLu · 08/01/2024 12:45

I hate most weddings, unless I'm really, really close to the people getting married, and lots of people I know will be there - as they are sometimes brilliant chances to get everyone together.

My best friend got married last year and it was great, but I have a few other weddings this year where I won't know anyone other than DP and I'm dreading them. Buying an outfit, travelling, only to sit with DP and probably only have time to say a fleeting congrats to the happy couple.

meganorks · 08/01/2024 12:45

Well as I said, not necessarily hate, but don't really care about much. There might be family weddings where people feel obliged to go, that it's expected of them. But actually they just aren't that close and that is not how they would choose to spend their time. But I don't see how you would hate to go to the wedding of a close friend or family member!

Outthedoor24 · 08/01/2024 12:59

I saw them as a chore when I was single. Nothing hit home your still single than being at a wedding. The most couples events ever. Regardless of family and friends being on your own is pants.

Now I have a partner, I wish I could turn the clock back and go to all those weddings again.
Getting dressed up, hair done, the dancing 💃

Unfortunately for me I need the next generation to grow and get married

TurkeyTwizlers · 08/01/2024 13:24

My friend went to what she said was the best wedding.

They were told it was an engagement party at a very nice restaurant. Coaches were put on. Plied with food and drink when the came in, after and hour B&G came out and declared this was the wedding. Told people to stand aside, got married, had a few toasts. Then lots of food and wine.
Bride told her she hated weddings and all the structure and drama, all the waiting around. Sounded good to me.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 08/01/2024 13:26

I have only ever gone to family weddings, can't be bothered with them, too much hanging around and too structured for me. Happy to go to evening receptions though.

Charlie2121 · 08/01/2024 23:58

I find weddings to be crushingly dull. I’ll make every excuse under the sun not to attend them.

I can’t remember the last time I messed up with the excuses and actually had to attend one. It must be well over a decade ago.

RampantIvy · 09/01/2024 08:11

I don't think I have ever been to a dull wedding. You must have very dull friends/family @Charlie2121

Charlie2121 · 09/01/2024 08:14

RampantIvy · 09/01/2024 08:11

I don't think I have ever been to a dull wedding. You must have very dull friends/family @Charlie2121

I’d argue you must have a very dull social life if weddings are a highlight.

RampantIvy · 09/01/2024 08:23

I do rather Grin
I also get invited to very few weddings. At our age all of of our friends and family are either married or widowed and not wanting to get married again, and of the next generation down only one has got married. The wedding was lovely. Our families don't have large formal weddings.

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