Are you bothered by going to other peoples weddings?

[incomeout]

AIBU to think that most people see going to a wedding as an expensive chore

Finding something to wear. Potential time off work. Childcare arrangements. Wedding gifts. Possible hotel and travel costs. Money for drinks on the day. Time taken for ceremony and all that comes with the day.

Yes it's lovely and all but aside from the couple that are getting married, others can't really be that bothered can they.

On the above basis - would you be tempted to do an elopement wedding, thinking that you would both save yourself loads of money on the wedding and save friends and family the time and expense of attending?

I love weddings! But I've not had the challenge of childcare (all post children weddings have included the kids in the invite). But I also treat it as an invite not a summons!

Depends on who is getting married...my best friend since I was five got married last year id have moved a mountain to go and dh and I made huge effort and it was amazing...

I love a good wedding, but a bad one is at best boring and at worst hospitalising (long story). Having said that we've had such a run of weddings in the last year and I'm nearly 40 so thought I was past that bit! I usually find even if I'm not looking forward to them hugely they're lots of fun on the day and I enjoy the socialising and seeing my friends and family members so happy. Next one is for my best friend who is older than me and told me a decade ago she didn't think she'd ever get married and now she's is and I'm thrilled for her, she's in such a good place and is the most relaxed bride, I'm looking forward to the wedding and the hen weekend, regardless of travel and expense.

I think family weddings are ok when you know lots of people.

I also went to a friend's wedding where I knew quite a lot of his friends and relatives. That was a good one.

But when it's just you and your other half and you only know the person getting married (possibly not even their partner) it's boring.

I find modern civil weddings a real disappointment. They have no ceremony to them, so perfunctory, the whole thing is over and done with in about 10 mins. Awful.

As for travelling abroad, no way Jose.

This.

And the thing these days is that the couple likely already is living together and often they have children together. So the wedding is not a big "life transition," it's just a party and they go back to their humdrum lives of cleaning the toilet and changing diapers and doing the school run on Monday.

Big deal. It's really not enough of a change to justify the time, effort and expense that guests are required to exert, not to mention the freaking hen/stag/showers/gifts, etc.

If someone wants to "declare their love and commitment," fine, do it at a registry and then offer friends some wine and cheese for a couple of hours. Don't tie them up for days on end and make them spend hundreds when you've already been living like a long-married couple as it is.

When I was young, people really were changing their lives getting married (few people openly lived together let alone reproduced before the wedding) but now it's pretty ho-hum.

I love weddings. Getting dolled up and partying with some lovely people! What’s not to like. I think so many people are MN seem to be really anti social and see the negative in everything. I don’t know anyone as joyless in real life.

AIBU to think that most people see going to a wedding as an expensive chore

Yes, YABU.
How sad.

Yes it's lovely and all but aside from the couple that are getting married, others can't really be that bothered can they.

Well I am. I love being invited to a wedding. I can't remember how many I've been to over the last 45 years, but I can only think of one I didn't enjoy.

On the above basis - would you be tempted to do an elopement wedding, thinking that you would both save yourself loads of money on the wedding and save friends and family the time and expense of attending?

If you want to elope, then elope.
Don't try and kid yourself that is for any reason other than saving yourself money.

@daisychain01 "over in ten minutes" is just because that's how long it takes to say the legal words required - which also have to be said in a religious ceremony. If a couple are having a religious ceremony then off course it will be longer because it is padded out with religious bits.
Quick civil ceremonies aren't really "new" - people have been doing them for decades in pretty much the same format.

I love weddings and go to great lengths to attend them. Everyone is happy, dressed up, enjoying themselves. I love seeing all my friends or all my family in one place, it's a wonderful time to catch up with people you don't get to see too often.

I don't like weddings at all. They are expensive and boring.

@Itsbeginingtolookalotlikexmas not wanting to get "dolled up and party" doesn't mean someone is anti social and joyless.
They just prefer different things.

I LOVE going to weddings in general, although some are better than others. My besties’ weddings, and ours, were unconventional so definitely not the usual trope. Expense of someone else’s is what you make of it-I have never bought a new dress specifically for one and stay somewhere I can afford (bestie’s expensive wedding I was MOH so had my room paid for). I don’t think one ever MUST spend much as a guest unless there’s huge travel involved. If the venue is expensive to stay in, drive or have drinks in the room!

As I said below I don't like weddings, maybe one reason is that I don't enjoy getting dolled up! But I enjoy loads of other things in life, including spending time with friends and family. So don't think I'm joyless.

We did elope.
Yes I find weddings a hassle, but that's not why we eloped.
We went to a FANTASTIC wedding a couple of years ago - the best I've been to. But it still involved a long drive and arranging a dog sitter, and there was a massive chunk of the day where we were bored rigid, and the venue was chilly so I had to regularly go back to our room to sit in bed and have a tea!
They've just never been my thing - not in the least because you can't speak to the people getting married because they're too busy.

Interesting to see responses as I didn't think there would be quite as many as there are which do not like going to weddings.

Of course good chunk of you do, which is what I expected and completely understand the points made.

I forgot to mention hen dos in the original post but a few have commented on this additional drain on time and expense.

Do you want an ‘elopement’ in the sense it’s used on here — a trouble-free, casual wedding with two witnesses, and no faff? If so, do that. Don’t do something you don’t want to do because you think you’re doing other people a favour.

I loved all the weddings I went to when I was in my 20s and early 30s. It was a real party atmosphere and we used to really let our hair down.

I hate to admit it but I do find them a bit of a chore now. The most recent one was only a couple of months ago and I remember being totally peopled out after 2 hours. I'm not a big drinker (just as well as the bar prices were obscene!) and there's only so much blackcurrant and soda I can drink before spouting a leak! There were photographers and videographers all over the place like paparazzi so I felt like I had to keep smiling all the time which gave me a headache 😂

It was lovely seeing family, but there was a drama (isn't there always?!). It was lovely to see an old friend from my teenage years, but after a few hours I was feeling shackled to her. I had my own teenager with me and he was sneaking drinks at every opportunity so I was on edge about him getting drunk and sick. The music was awful and too loud so I couldn't talk to my parents properly. The buffet was too messy to eat (buffalo chicken wings!).

All in, it felt like quite hard work. And I feel awful for saying that!

I would hate for anyone to deny themselves of a wedding day for fear of cost. It’s realistically the only time in your life that you might have the opportunity to have everyone you and your partner love in the same room. I wouldn’t trade my wedding day for anything. We had a cheap wedding - did a lot ourselves. It is possible on a small budget as long as you’re realistic.

In terms of guest expectations, gibe what you can as a gift, wear something you’ve already got, drive and don’t drink so you don’t have to pay for a hotel.

I usually hate the faff, planning, preparation and expense but enjoy it when I get there. I won't go to weddings with more than an hour between ceremony and reception, though - been to a couple and all I remember is killing the time and getting prematurely drunk!

There's nothing wrong with a civil service then down the pub, by the way. It's just as nice.

Hate weddings for all the reasons you’ve described plus the fact that they’re sexist as hell and I have to pretend not to notice this and smile along. All the emphasis on the woman’s appearance, the man ‘proposing’ ffs (why the hell should he get to choose when they get married) the sexist, predictable ‘don’t the bridesmaids look stunning’ bullshit speeches, the virginal white dresses and don’t even get me started on name changing. Every couple insists that they’re doing things differently but they never are. I duck out when at all possible but often can’t avoid and pretend to enjoy them because that’s life.

Wouldn’t admit it to any of this in real life though!

My family n siblings wouldn't give a hoot if i eloped.
.as long as we all got together when everyone available for a bevvie. Thats it.

plus the fact that they’re sexist as hell

No they aren't.

The last wedding I went to was a same sex wedding. It was lovely.

LOVE them. Especially if it's a free bar. Waheyyyy

I love a wedding if….

I like the people
Its in driving distance
it has reasonably affordable accommodation insite or very close by (don’t get me started on these small venues with accommodation for the immediate family only, it screams I don’t want anyone to come)
I think it will be well planned with a good atmosphere.