Husband thinks I'd be selfish to go to the wedding

[Ribyloo]

A little context as I know otherwise this may sound odd. I am a teacher at an independent secondary school in the north. A few years ago I was really hating my job, i was teaching three A-Level subjects (Maths, Further Maths and Economics), had 3 small children, my mum was unwell. It was a time where I really wanted to quit and give up.
One student (the only girl in further maths and economics) was in all 3 of my A-Level classes, we developed a positive relationship and I ended up taking up a bit of a pastoral role with her too, she was struggling with her mental health.
She went on to study a related subject at a top university, then a masters and is now in her last year of her PhD in a related field. I've kept up with her progress and as a teacher I think she is possibly the student who I'm most proud of. There were days where my main motivation to go into work was knowing she was relying on me being my best so she could be her best and now I feel like I've seen her achieve that. Anytime I'm in London we meet for lunch or coffee, when she comes back up north she will pop into see me at work with cakes or a gift and to see her other A-Level teacher. This ex-pupil means a lot of me.
Today I received an invite in the mail for her wedding later this year. She's getting married in London, so would be a case of travelling Friday after work and back up the Sunday. Her other A-Level teacher has also been invited. My children are now between 10 and 16 so don't need me at home as much as they did. The issue is the Monday after I leave to take a group of pupils to Italy for a 5 day trip.
My husband thinks if I'm effectively gone Friday-Friday I'm being selfish, as he will be solely responsible for them for a whole week. I've offered to arrange for parents/friends to sort the kids but he still isn't happy. He said he'd get it if it were a friend or family member but not some "random ex pupil". This isn't the first time he's had a problem with this student, her graduation was an issue and several of our lunches have been a problem too.

AIBU to go the wedding even though my husband thinks it selfish? Or since she isn't family or a close friend should I put my family first and be there for them?

Your husband is a selfish, insular horse's ass.

You're an autonomous person entitled to a life beyond wife and motherhood. How dare he try to narrow your world, for his own convenience.

Bet this isn't the first time. Smh.

They are both adults, she’s stepped into slightly more of a mentor role, they aren’t in a relationship and she isn’t in a position of power over her? She’s studying a similar subject and they meet for coffee sometimes? An old A Level teacher used to check in with myself and my brother by email from time to time as we lost our mum in the last years of high school - if I bumped into them I would happily go for a coffee. I have friends who now work with teachers they had when they were pupils. Seems less iffy that this girl has invited both her ex teachers, they’ve obviously had a big impact on her life.

i stayed in touch with my sociology teacher. She was amazing and supportive to me. why is it weird? we were friends for 20 years after I left school.

Something is not quite right here. The relationship is odd and then you say This isn't the first time he's had a problem with this student, her graduation was an issue and several of our lunches have been a problem too. The way you describe the relationship with the student is over the top and does not feel appropriate, I think he has a point.

This!

Do not batch cook. Let him figure it out.

It is absolutely NOT against "safeguarding training". I've worked in very senior roles in education and it has always been perfectly acceptable to retain contact with students once they are over 18 and off roll. Many, many of my colleagues have done so. Quite a lot of our ex- students have met up for coffee with teachers who meant a lot to them or have emailed to ask for a chat and some advice whilst doing degrees, or post grad work.

Go to the wedding.

The only problem you have, OP, is a deeply unpleasant, selfish, and mean DH

What a wankstain he is

Batshit.

I'm friends with several former teachers. Particularly those who are experts in the field I now work in. There's nothing sinister about it.

Nothing weird or against safeguarding.

Your husband is being ridiculous. He would still be ridiculous even if the DC were toddlers.

Go and enjoy the wedding. I would say enjoy Italy as well but I know how exhausting supervising school trips is from teacher friends so I'm not going to say anything that implies it's a holiday. But I hope it's not too stressful a week.

The way you describe the relationship with the student is over the top and does not feel appropriate
Not student, EX-student. And not been OP's student for about 6 years.

It's not inappropriate in the least.

How amazing for that girl that she had you as a teacher, she is very very lucky. Please go, it will mean everything to her to have you there at her wedding. And I know I'm just a stranger on the Internet, but I'll be very upset with you if you don't go.

Your husband is behaving appallingly, he’s being the selfish one and needs to give his head a serious wobble!

Which safeguarding training is this? Because in every school I have worked in it has been regular practice to keep in contact with alumni in order to invite them in for example to talk to students about careers. Such a blanket rule would prevent this sort of thing as well as the many many examples of students who stay in contact for careers advice, asking for references etc. Grooming is an entirely different thing if that's what you are driving at here.

I'm in my 40s and I've been in touch (via letter, sometimes email/phone) with two of my secondary school teachers since I left school (actually, since one of them left the school when I was in 6th form). I met up with one of them a few times, and no doubt still would if I didn't live 200 miles away. If this is a safeguarding concern, I suspect there's an awful lot of it going on.

Please go to the wedding, OP. Your ex-pupil is now your friend, and she wants you to be there on her big day.

I don't know if this is more common at my school than elsewhere but lots of my colleagues keep in touch with ex-students. We have a where are they now board that shows some of our ex-pupils success (our current pupils love this, it makes their dreams feel more achievable when they see people who stood where they are and how far they have gone), and my colleague who taught her other A-Level will also be there and has also kept in close touch with her. In my school at least, we encourage pupils to keep in touch once they have left. We never keep in touch while the are still pupils or under 18 but past that we often view their success as our success.

I’m in Team Go!
DH sounds unreasonable to me. He sounds threatened and/or jealous of your relationship but I don’t feel it’s wrong at all. I’m an ex teacher too and love seeing my ex pupils now grown up and doing well with children of their own. I see one socially too we have shared interests. Those saying it’s a safeguarding issue need to give their heads a wobble!

You are close to your ex pupil and have maintained a good relationship with her over many years. Your DH is being petulant. You have offered to get your parents or a friend to help with DC but he's sulking like a baby. It won't kill him to parent his knowledge D's for a week especially as most of the time you are away with work anyway. It's not like you are off on a month's jolly. Go, get a new outfit, and enjoy the wedding. I was invited and attended an ex-students graduation ceremony. My exh didn't seem to mind. I'd switch your phone off too in case he tries to guilt trip you into returning or spoiling it for you.

I know of at least 6 former pupils who now work, as teachers, with their old teachers. Not sure where that fits in with this strange rule that ex pupils (as adults) and teachers must never communicate with each other again.
OP, your husband is being a sulky idiot. I would say don't bother batch cooking but I would do the same, just so that I could be assured that the kids would have decent food available.

Your husband is a twat - your parents must love him!! not being able to cope, doing very little for his teenage kids while you are off- then your Dad has to take them to the dance lesson on a sat morning. Tell your H to grow the fuck up!!

Go, enjoy yourself and have a wonderful time with your colleague.

Bollocks to the batch cooking as well. DH does nearly all our cooking so if he was away for a week it would be an extra thing I needed to do. I won't expect him to batch cook though. It would just be part and parcel of being the sole parent at home for that one week.

This ex pupil would now be 26-27 years old. Nothing wrong with it. They meet in a public place for a coffee or a meal.

He's the selfish one, does he often object to you going out leaving him having to parent his own children?