Husband thinks I'd be selfish to go to the wedding

[Ribyloo]

A little context as I know otherwise this may sound odd. I am a teacher at an independent secondary school in the north. A few years ago I was really hating my job, i was teaching three A-Level subjects (Maths, Further Maths and Economics), had 3 small children, my mum was unwell. It was a time where I really wanted to quit and give up.
One student (the only girl in further maths and economics) was in all 3 of my A-Level classes, we developed a positive relationship and I ended up taking up a bit of a pastoral role with her too, she was struggling with her mental health.
She went on to study a related subject at a top university, then a masters and is now in her last year of her PhD in a related field. I've kept up with her progress and as a teacher I think she is possibly the student who I'm most proud of. There were days where my main motivation to go into work was knowing she was relying on me being my best so she could be her best and now I feel like I've seen her achieve that. Anytime I'm in London we meet for lunch or coffee, when she comes back up north she will pop into see me at work with cakes or a gift and to see her other A-Level teacher. This ex-pupil means a lot of me.
Today I received an invite in the mail for her wedding later this year. She's getting married in London, so would be a case of travelling Friday after work and back up the Sunday. Her other A-Level teacher has also been invited. My children are now between 10 and 16 so don't need me at home as much as they did. The issue is the Monday after I leave to take a group of pupils to Italy for a 5 day trip.
My husband thinks if I'm effectively gone Friday-Friday I'm being selfish, as he will be solely responsible for them for a whole week. I've offered to arrange for parents/friends to sort the kids but he still isn't happy. He said he'd get it if it were a friend or family member but not some "random ex pupil". This isn't the first time he's had a problem with this student, her graduation was an issue and several of our lunches have been a problem too.

AIBU to go the wedding even though my husband thinks it selfish? Or since she isn't family or a close friend should I put my family first and be there for them?

yanbu. Husband is being a twat

A query on one little part, I thought sexual relationships were legally fine rather than a definite no no, as long as obviously nothing happened while they were still at school/college? Or has TV been lying to me?!

Agree with all of this.

Go, enjoy the wedding Op!

FGS. If it’s selfish, be selfish. But it isn’t even slightly selfish, really. You’re working, then going to a wedding. He’s a parent not emergency or voluntary backup. Tell him you have every faith he can manage and if he says you’re selfish, tell that’s OK, you don’t mind being selfish for one week in sixteen years. You can still be a person, even before you’ve fulfilled all of your tasks. Being a mother and wife is not a competition for sainthood. I hope you have a lovely time (and if you’ve volunteered to take a bunch of school kids abroad, you deserve a bloody medal).

I can't help but feel all the safe guarding elements that individuals seem to be screeching at you is such a shame. My two oldest daughters are both at uni, one in her final year and one in a masters. They're both over the moon to bump into teachers who made lasting impressions on them and helped them in their education. I would think nothing of it. There are weirdos out there and the rules are in place to protect against that, but they're in a very small minority and not the majority.

As for 'D'H, the first answer says it all. Tell him to get over himself. He's his children's parents too!

Have fun watching someone you really helped blossom.

Wow he seems selfish for making you feel guilty! Honestly my kids are 1 and 5 and my partner always encourages me to go away with friends when the opportunity comes up! When my eldest was first born I had 4 hen dos abroad and he absolutely wanted me to go! Don’t even think about it just go

He doesn’t sound very kind. Please say to him exactly what you have written here. When I read this, I thought how happy I am that I am divorced and don’t have someone speaking to me in this way…. You must go to both and ignore him.

You’re not being unreasonable or selfish, he is.
The youngest is 10 ffs, not 2.
The main point here is… you don’t need his permission to go! The kids keep the same routine and nothing changes other than you won’t be there.
From reading your other comments he clearly has an issue with being a parent and you having a life away from him, I’d suggest he seeks therapy or fucks off.
My partner would never in a million years tell me I was selfish for wanting to go to that wedding, he’d encourage it and tell me to have a lovely time.

You should definitely go and enjoy yourself. How lovely that you’ve kept in touch with this woman and have been invited to her wedding

I assume this doesn’t happen every month… in which case your husband is a dick

Go. Enjoy.

Your husband is odd.I would have said oh Mr Afraid I'd love to go but don't want to leave you alone and he would have insisted on finding a way of making it work and making sure went as it was something important to me...

Have you decided whether you're going to the wedding yet OP?

The wedding is a one off event and I think it’s lovely that she thinks so much of you that she’s invited you to her wedding. Just go and have a fabulous time. He will be more than capable of looking after your DC

The guidelines are that teachers should not have a sexual/romantic relationship with a former student within 3 years of them leaving.

I hope you go to their wedding @Ribyloo such a privilege to be invited.

Sorry to read that your DH seems to be a narcissist and can gaslight you at times. You having a solo friend or two outside of the joint friends should be normal in any relationship.

Ignore the typical MN derailment about safeguarding. Its just a reason to have a go at you. We keep in contact on FB with one of my son's previous teachers. She really really helped him with a MH issue when he was doing his A levels. We would definitely invite her to his wedding.

Your DH is a total lazy selfish knob. I wouldn't even bother discussing it with him anymore and just go

FFS get a grip people. I am still friends with one of my old teachers, now in her 80's - I would probably never have gone to Uni were it not for her. She was hugely influential in my life and my parents were very happy that she was able to give me the help and advice that they couldn't. I'm still in touch with one of my ex pupils - I didn't go to her wedding but I did go to her husband's funeral.

My DC have left school - but I would be very happy if they developed a post school friendship with a teacher who had been a positive role model. Their school had the same kind of approach to pastoral care as OPs seems to have. Human.

go to the wedding @Ribyloo - point out to your OH that he goes away for weeks at a time!

This touched my heart. In my imagination you decided to go and see her after all and had an excellent time over cocktails ❤️

@Dutch1e no not yet. but she did respond through her husband and asked me to call her when I am up in Canada in 3 weeks. I will do so as she was an amazing teacher, very young at the time so I am guessing less than 10 years older than me. Looking forward to reuniting and thanking the OP for this thread that made me remember

@Ribyloo thank you.

No, just shows her "D"H is an idle, selfish prick who doesn't want to look after his own children!

Your husband is being hypocritical. I think it would be fine to go to the wedding.