Husband thinks I'd be selfish to go to the wedding

[Ribyloo]

A little context as I know otherwise this may sound odd. I am a teacher at an independent secondary school in the north. A few years ago I was really hating my job, i was teaching three A-Level subjects (Maths, Further Maths and Economics), had 3 small children, my mum was unwell. It was a time where I really wanted to quit and give up.
One student (the only girl in further maths and economics) was in all 3 of my A-Level classes, we developed a positive relationship and I ended up taking up a bit of a pastoral role with her too, she was struggling with her mental health.
She went on to study a related subject at a top university, then a masters and is now in her last year of her PhD in a related field. I've kept up with her progress and as a teacher I think she is possibly the student who I'm most proud of. There were days where my main motivation to go into work was knowing she was relying on me being my best so she could be her best and now I feel like I've seen her achieve that. Anytime I'm in London we meet for lunch or coffee, when she comes back up north she will pop into see me at work with cakes or a gift and to see her other A-Level teacher. This ex-pupil means a lot of me.
Today I received an invite in the mail for her wedding later this year. She's getting married in London, so would be a case of travelling Friday after work and back up the Sunday. Her other A-Level teacher has also been invited. My children are now between 10 and 16 so don't need me at home as much as they did. The issue is the Monday after I leave to take a group of pupils to Italy for a 5 day trip.
My husband thinks if I'm effectively gone Friday-Friday I'm being selfish, as he will be solely responsible for them for a whole week. I've offered to arrange for parents/friends to sort the kids but he still isn't happy. He said he'd get it if it were a friend or family member but not some "random ex pupil". This isn't the first time he's had a problem with this student, her graduation was an issue and several of our lunches have been a problem too.

AIBU to go the wedding even though my husband thinks it selfish? Or since she isn't family or a close friend should I put my family first and be there for them?

He’s a parent too - cope

Your children sound more mature and capable than your husband!

Enjoy the wedding. Enjoy the Italian trip. and tell your husband to grow up.

Just go. It’s only another 48 hours, surely Mr Big can manage that?

Go! There is nothing as satisfying as sitting a pupil, or a family, succeed as a result of your care. Well done!

Don't be so absurd.

YANBU. Your DH needs to get his head out of his arse and be a bloody parent.

What a selfish man. Please go...these lovely incidental relationships and influences are what make life special. You will always regret it if you don’t go.

It's also a great example to your own children. Sometimes things that are worthwhile take a lot of effort to attend, but that shouldn't stop you going.

Good luck!

You are most definitively NBU! Your husband is VERY VERY much BU. This is a milestone for your student and you - she's hit some big events and wants to celebrate with people who she loves and was mentored by. By no means should you miss this because your DH can't remember how to parent a 10 and 16 year old!!!!

Seriously, what a jerk to complain about this.

I'll batch cook the weekend before and freeze it so he doesn't have to cook.

What exactly does your DH do to contribute to the family? OP, you work a full-time job, surely this is even too much.

You sound like a great teacher. Go to the wedding and have a great time, your "D"H can do some parenting for once!

You have to go! Your husband sounds jealous of your relationship with this girl. He’s being unreasonable, not you.

For those saying that this is weird, I had at least four of my former teachers at my wedding, and I regularly see them/catch up for a coffee or a drink even now. It’s lovely to keep in touch with nice people who have played an in important part in your life. I think you should go, OP, and have a lovely time. Your husband is being a dick.

Go to the wedding without a backward glance. I used to work in education and just this week one of my lovely ex pupils has won an acting award, and I’m so proud of her. So I know exactly how you feel. Your husband can cope, and if he can’t, then that’s a whole other story. Go and enjoy the wedding, and good luck with the Italian trip 😊

I'll batch cook the weekend before and freeze it so he doesn't have to cook

Why? Is he that pathetic that he can't feed himself and his kids?

He is massively unreasonable given that he often goes on 2 wk work trips.

YABU. You have allowed your husband to get into your head and downplay the achievements of your former pupil. She obviously values the role you played in her success and your husband doesn't value you at all. You are WORKING for 5 days but are being selfish if you attend a wedding for a couple of days?
It's obviously unreasonable of you to expect your husband's support, his admiration for the way you have shaped someone's life, his pride in the woman he married. Totally unreasonable (there's a reason some people stay single!)

Another voice saying go.

The only person who is being selfish is your husband. You manage to hold the Fort when needs be and he can manage in this instance.

It's a bit weird that you've so closely followed this one student. How do her parents feel? If they love you, you're okay. If not. Time to step away. Why was husband not invited to wedding?? That only seems polite. Are you angling to become godparent to children?? Your student has grown up. Not against you and husband attending the wedding - but time to let her free her wings and fly - and not feel obliged to keep inviting teacher to every single milestone in her life.

Your husband is a selfish idiot. Go to the wedding, have a great time.

Go. And shame on those casting suggestions of previous inappropriate behaviour. Your husband will survive and hopefully enjoy time with your kids.

OP please absolutely go to the wedding, you will regret it for life if you don't. You may also find (rightly or wrongly) that your colleague won't go if you don't and then you'd both be issuing out.

I see absolutely no issue with one adult being in touch with and socialising with another adult, as you say, she got in touch wit. You a year after leaving school, there is no issue here.

I'm in my 40's and I've been on nights out with ex teachers in my youth, I have an ex teacher as a Facebook friend etc. all 100% above board.

Some teachers impact your life to the extent you don't want to just make them disappear because you happen to have left the school.

I'm from a small town, people socialise regularly in these circumstances.

He doesn’t think you’re selfish. He’s actually incredibly jealous of your relationship and fondness of this student. You’re proud of her and rightly so. I actually think it’s really beautiful and it was lovely to read about.
He’s being an absolute bell end sorry. Why can he work away 2 weeks and then behave like this towards you? It’s very telling he always has an issue when you meet this friend. He is green with jealousy and needs to get a fucking grip as it’s making him cruel and childish.

This.

You obviously have a very special relationship with this young woman and should absolutely attend her wedding.

The next time your manbaby husband tells you you're being selfish, tell him.he's projecting, which is is.

I have to agree that this teacher and ex-pupil relationship seems unprofessional and inappropriate.

Your DH needs to shape up if he’s not capable of managing without you for a week though.

I'm sorry about some of the commenters on here, saying it's a weird situation, it's not at all! You had a massive impact on her life and she appreciates you! What the hell has it got to do with her parents?! She's a grown woman ffs!!! Go and enjoy yourself OP! 💐